Tag: cancer

We’ve found a place…and reality checks

Yesterday we viewed a house. We are both super impressed by it, and have instructed the solicitors to start work on it and have placed a holding fee upon said property.

The solicitors are already rubbing their grubby little hands, as within an hour of instructing them they are already asking for various payments in advance. I should have known.

The wife, in full supervisor mode

It’s a new home, on a site that I have passed more than a few times a day in the last two years of its construction, i witnessed the day they broke ground, so I know the area very well. It’s in a nice town about 12 miles from where we currently are, it’s pretty much all we are looking for. Believe me it will be our last move unless we hit big time on the National lottery. This so far is proving to be stressful beyond what I have ever experienced on previous moves.

Full supervisor mode

And I still believe the reason for that is the incompetence we have experienced in the early days of the selling experience. Confidence is still so exceptionally low that the sale will ever complete, and it’s strange that we cannot be excited as we are just waiting for the whole chain to collapse. We’ve never experienced such lethargy before and I can only put it down to how this whole process has evolved over the past few months. We’ve always been so excited and positive on previous sales we’ve completed before, this time though they have really kicked the trust and excitement out of us. We are but a shell of our former selves.

Anyway without sounding too dramatic, it will be what it will be. We are fortunate to have a home and if we end up staying here it is no loss at all. We are fortunate and must never forget that.

I spoke to my friend Ed today, he’s the guy I spoke about a few weeks back in my blog who has a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer in both his lungs and kidneys. He’s managing just superbly at the moment and his immunotherapy treatment is progressing just fine. Even despite his diagnosis he is so upbeat and chipper with a superb attitude.

And there’s me whining about a bloody house. What a prat. It was the kick in the pants I needed I tell ya.

It’s a horrible analogy I know, but someone is always worse off than you are.

I’m now saying thank you for what I have, everything I have been given, and for whatever I receive going forward. Just writing this post has made me go from down hearted and depressed to thankful and hopeful.

Thanks to my friend Ed, you have made me see sense and taught me a big lesson today. My friend, I wish you continued good health and I pray for you and your family on a daily basis.

Sometimes, a step back from a situation and a full evaluation of your current situation is all that is needed.

We all need to do a reality check from time to time. Today was that time for me.

And I am truly grateful for all I have in my life. I really need nothing else. Just be humble.

Have a super day my friends. Stay humble. Stay safe.

As if bad days could get any worse

I’ve been in a pretty low mood of late due to suffering the post holiday blues, pretty much self imposed and just needing a good kick up the ass to get me motivated.

On top of that being a person who suffers continuously with respiratory issues I’ve been fighting off a nasty chest infection that I think I may have finally just got the better of. (Fingers crossed)

Then I get that kick up the ass I was talking about in the first paragraph.

My good work Colleague and Signaller Nick, who lives in London has contacted me to ask if I’ve spoken to one of our other colleagues lately ( who shall remain nameless)

I told him I hadn’t spoken for about 6 months only to be told he now has cancer in both lungs and his kidney, he’s fighting his last battle as I’m writing.

Nicks told me he has just spoken to him, and he’s telling him of all the things he has to do for his family before it’s too late.

This is where I broke. He’s early 50s, has a young family and… I just can’t put it into words. What a beautiful human being, one of the nicest guys you could ever wish to meet and work with. This guy earned an award when I was his gaffer, after saving 12 people who suffered cardiac arrests whilst on train stations in London. His actions ensured Those people are here today. And this is how he gets rewarded. Sick joke…

And I’m feeling low because of post holiday blues and a chest infection. How pathetic am i?

I’m a pathetic wretch, get real and buck your ideas up son.

Sometimes, it takes the sledge hammer effect straight in the face to really bring it home to you. Thank you Nick for making me see reality again.

Thinking of you on your hardest journey bud. Remember 2012. You life saver.

Only the good die young

Never a truer quote.

And today it’s hit hard. Really hard.

I have been on a run of night shifts this week, and when I awoke this afternoon, I checked my phone and I had a missed call. I listened to the message and tears flooded my eyes. A fantastic colleague and friend had passed away as I slept and its hit me hard.

20th April 2014. We won.

Chris had been a slave to the big “C” for a couple of years now, he had his ups and downs and for a while he seemed to be winning. But that bastard Cancer did not allow him any respite and today I have lost a wonderful friend and colleague.

Chris was a signaller on the route between Leicester and Peterborough and I used to regularly meet him at signal boxes between Melton Mowbray and Oakham. He, like me was a fan of Leicester City football club, and we loved nothing better than to talk about the club and try to sort the issues out in our own way, just as every football fan across the country does.

Chris spotted on Tv at the Leicester v WBA match 20th April 2024

The pictures above were broadcast on BBC tv when we were playing West Bromwich Albion in the championship in April 2024. We won that game so we both had something positive to chat about.

Something to talk about

51 years of age is no age at all.

Chris was a wonderful human being and a lovely soul. He always had a smile to greet you and there was always the offer of a cup of tea the moment you walked through the door. Some people are put on this earth to make others lives better, and Chris was one of those people. Now he has left us and the world will be a sadder place for it.

My life has been blessed for knowing him, he was an outstanding work colleague, and i am glad our paths crossed. He will always be remembered with fondness.

RIP friend – Foxes never quit

It’s unconditional

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

It was the 14th February 2018. Happy Valentine’s Day. I was told I had a cancerous tumour.

I was numb. We went out the following day for a lovely walk and all we did was discuss the elephant in the room throughout that whole trip. Even looking at the photos of that day I can see the false smile on my face as well as the concern on my wife’s.

False smile, worry in her eyes, not a good day

I went into serious withdrawal from life, as I knew it. I suffered severe depression. I didn’t share my feelings with the one person who knew me best. I kept it all to myself and it was all too much, I broke down. It was my problem, I’ll deal with it. But I couldn’t. I needed help.

That one person, sat beside me, she cried with me and she comforted me. She cuddled me. She stayed with me and she didn’t let me go.

It was at that point I experienced absolute unconditional love. There was a warmth that went through me, it’s as if she had taken all my worries and concerns and put them away for me, I’ve always said she’s an angel and she has this amazing ability to take away my problems and make my whole life better.

And I didn’t even share my feelings with her. That’s so wrong. I felt so guilty.

Guess what, I share absolutely everything with her now, nothing is held back, the silly issues, the concerns and worries. And you know what, her arms encase me again, that love flows through me as it always does and has done. I feel nothing but love, and it is my life’s task to ensure she feels just the same.

We beat the big C, or should I say it’s at the back of our minds and doesn’t overwhelm us anymore. When we talk about it we use the name “Fred”. The “C” word is no longer used in our home. It’s banished. It’s a horrible word, and my lovely lady did this to make our life less stressful.

My Angel. My Wife. My life.

Peace.

One frightened lady and a lot of Hedgehogs

If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?

At this very moment it would be going to help a very frightened lady in my family, my niece bless her. She’s had problems all her life and has pretty much won every fight despite the odds being against her. She’s now fighting the toughest fight of her life as the Big C has entered the ring, she doesn’t fully understand, and he doesn’t fight fair. I think a million would go quite a way to get her the best treatment possible.

But I haven’t won it, I can’t pay for that treatment so unfortunately the fight goes on. But we’re fighters and we will be beside her all of the way.

Hedgehogs. 🦔

There are so many little hedgehog sanctuaries around the Uk constantly fighting a battle to save and protect this wonderful little creature of the night. They won’t hurt anyone, they do wonders to your garden, however we as a population are killing them just by going about our daily lives, butchering their environment for crappy estates and making their existence intolerable. Now I have regular hog visitors to my garden as it has been built around them. They have easy access to water and food and a section of the garden that I have classed as the wild part where I know they live. I see them in the garden as youngsters in the early part of the year and only last night I saw one of them in the garden and he is now a lovely fully grown male, quite a lump. Earlier this year I had three at the food bowl at the same time, a first for me, probably all from the same family, I believe I posted the video here: And then we had three..

I love to see them grow and I am so proud of myself that I’ve developed an environment that they feel safe in. And that’s the problem. I’m not in the country, I’m in a city with two horrendously busy roads and occasionally I see them as victims. However I’m really surprised that the majority thrive, and seeing now that the suspected hedgehog population is now less than 2 million across the UK (it was 5 times that only a few years ago!) we need to protect them.

Humankind in its worst form wipes other species out without a thought. If a million dollars, pounds or whatever currency you use could help stop this rot then there would be no second thought, I’d do it.

But again I dont have it so I’ll just keep doing my little bit to help these beautiful little beasts.

And a lot of praying 🙏

What’s going on in Iceland?

What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

Well, you asked so I have answered. I’m currently working a nightshift and it’s slowed down a tad so I’m just checking up on what was going on in one of my favourite places on earth. I usually check in and read the news and this is what I found.

Volcano still active

The volcano is still erupting around the fault line, it comes and goes quite regularly but this last one was quite spectacular.

An ice cave collapsed killing one person i believe, however all others have been rescued and are safe.

A 16 yo is in custody after stabbing some people at a concert, it seems the world’s cancer has now reached this beautiful place.

I kind of wish I hadn’t made that search.

Hey ho, that is quite depressing.

Stay safe everyone, who knows one day Peace might be infectious.

We can only live in hope.

Thoughts 5/3/24

How’s your day?

Could be better

Heard last night that an old work colleague who mentored me in my early years had passed away. I must admit I shed a tear for him as he was a wholly decent individual. A family man, fit as a fiddle and had time for everyone. Unfortunately struck down with the big “C” carrying a brain tumour. We’ve know he has been unwell and his prognosis was terminal but he even beat the two weeks previously diagnosed to go on for at least 2 months. He was a true fighter.

I sent him what I’d class as cheerful and thankful messages each week telling him what a fantastic man he was, and each time he’d reply back sending his love to the family. He was always thinking of others.

However this week I had no reply…

His wife made contact last night to say in the last few days he had lost the ability to eat and speak and passed away surrounded by his family last evening.

I looked back this morning at all my text messages and I could see that he did read my last text I sent, that gave me comfort in that he knew just how much I appreciated him and how special he really was. It was my last contact with him.

Here’s wishing you eternal peace dear friend. You will never be forgotten.