Tag: arachnophobia

Creepy Ba**ards and Chavs

This could just as well refer to the estate agents currently attempting to sell our place, however it’s more fitting to refer to the eight legged bastard that decided to walk up my arm at 1:30 this morning, disturbing what was probably the most peaceful nights rest I have had for ages.

B**tard

It’s been so warm of late that the wife has requested the windows remain ajar at night. I don’t normally do this, due to the area we live in being so bloody noisy, it’s hard to turn off and sleep. Recently I’ve had to employ the ear plugs, a rarity when I’m not working a night shift.

So promptly at 01:30 I awake, I can fell something on my arm and I brush it, immediately I can feel it again and in one swift moment only lasting probably 1/1000th of a second I move from being horizontal to vertical standing beside the bed with the side light on, my wife looking at me as if I’d lost the plot. At that time I probably had. The next ten minutes were spent looking for said trespasser, alas nothing was found. I’m saying it was a spider, it could well have been a moth of a mozzie, but I’m sticking with the eight legged version.

Back to bed, senses at a high state of alert I finally drift off at about 2:15 and awake abruptly at 06:30 when a neighbour starts up a petrol lawnmower. Tempted to open the window and shout abuse at him i withdraw from the window and go make the first cup of tea of the day. The world seems a better place for 5 beautiful minutes.

The Chav of the avian world

Until the local Chavs of the bird world start clacking away outside the bedroom window. God the noise these ass holes make is deafening, one of the downsides of maintaining a garden, they go about bullying every other bird that enters the garden, a typical city bully boy with wings. And then the next doors bloody Parrot joins in, that’ll be him set off for the day now. The day is already getting worse.

Is it any wonder we want to sell up and move on?

And thats where the next creepy B**tards come in. The estate agents. For some reason these ones we are utilising do things differently, rather that bring interested parties around individually, this lot seem to ring up and say, “ oh we have a viewing for you next Tuesday at 17:30” “Ok” we reply, to then be told it’s for Twelve interested people. It’s a bloody party I tell you. Maybe we should be giving out canapés and drinks, because I bet you the majority of them are estate agent tourists as I mentioned in this previous post: Failures and time wasting. Estate agent tourists are people who use the estate agent networks to go nosey around people’s homes with no intention of buying, it is just a day out for them, just like anyone else would visit a stately home. They really are sad individuals who need to get a life, and they are rife up here in the East Midlands. And then they have the goddamn cheek to offer feedback after their day out, go shove your feedback up yer ass. I have told the estate agents that they can go take a running jump if they bring anymore such types, but they probably won’t listen, they’re just estate agents….bless ‘em.

Anyway I’ve taken too much of your time ranting and raving, but I do know two things. The bed is being pulled out to look for that 8 legged creep at a forensic level. And the bedroom windows are staying closed tonight.

Have a great day all..

Burn with fire

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

This kind of ties in nicely with a post I wrote a short while back, Just another reason to not go wandering. In that post I wrote about some of my relatives and their constant attempts to get me to travel to the opposite side of the earth and visit them in Australia.

But why am I scared to do it? Quite simply I’m a nervous, trembling Arachnophobic. I don’t like those little eight legged freaks. And they probably feel the same about me.

I can pretty much trace my fears back to my childhood, when my parents in their ultimate wisdom used to force my elder brother to take me out to play with him and his mates and he was never too happy with that. However he and his friends had their fun by stuffing creatures such as spiders down my neck, and it is that point, the fear was born.

If I even see the smallest of critters in my house now, my wife will tell you I go up the wall and won’t settle until the invader is found and removed from the house. This can usually involve hours of furniture moving and me running about like a banshee until the issue is sorted.

I’m not just scared I’m bloody petrified.

So, to get me to Australia I’d have to wear something like a flamethrower, not particularly a very PC piece of equipment in a hot and dry environment where fire spreads so freely, however in a country where every animal and creature wants to kill you I see no other alternative.

Probably just easier that I stay away. Yes that’s it I’ll do just that. Problem solved.

Have a lovely day.

(Flame thrower pic courtesy of Misadventure Lab)