Don’t stop….
What does it mean to be a kid at heart?
Play.
I’m going to answer this as briefly as i can. I heard this quote a few days ago but had never heard it before. It’s from George Bernard Shaw the Irish playwright and critic.
There is some truth in this, I guess.
But to be honest I just want a cup of tea and a quick nap at the moment. I’ll leave the playing to the youngsters.
Goodnight all 😂👍
This could also be titled, “When is a mum not a mum?”
I married my dear wife over 30+ years ago now, and to say she has been the stabiliser of my life would be an understatement, the rudder to my boat, you get the point I’m a lucky guy.
However we knew very early on in our marriage that we would not be having children, and that was difficult at the start. Not as much to me as, to be honest, children weren’t really in my plans at that early stage, but to my wife, she viewed it as if it was her duty to produce a child, she was a woman after all and she dearly wanted a child. And I’d do anything to make her life complete. However this was never going to be a dream come true in our life time as unfortunately and for reasons I won’t discuss here, we were dealt the bum deal as they say. It wasn’t to be. We were to remain childless.
Those first ten years of our marriage were an immense test of our feelings for each other, I’d come home at times and often find her crying for the child she could never have, and yes my heart broke every time, it was a very sad period in our lives. We explored every possibility, in the early days when Kim Cotton was the first in the UK to venture into surrogacy, we followed that closely and were considering the possibility of going down that same route, it was early days and there were lots of pitfalls and heartbreak stood in each corner of the decision making progress. It was fraught with problems and legal issues. We stepped away from this opportunity, reluctantly.
Back in the early 90s the adoption process was not as open as it is nowadays, we just wouldn’t have been considered, it was so selective and as we were quite young and in local government housing at the time, we wouldn’t have even got through the initial application stages, oh how times have changed.
There’s a strange feeling taking your wife to baby shops such as “Mothercare” to chose prams and a decor for the child you would never have, we knew we would never be buying but it was “fun” in a weird sense as we learned a lot about how life would have been if we were dealt a fairer set of cards.
Then the younger members of the family started having children of their own, I thought things would be worse for us as I was worried about my wife’s reaction to all these upcoming births. I needn’t had worried, as this turned out to be the point in our married life where it all changed for the better.
We pretty much became permanent baby sitters, it’s fair to say we probably witnessed more periods of excitement and firsts in their little life’s than their own parents did, it was fantastic, and we could hand the nippers back at the end of the day, even though we did have the occasional overnight stay.
That was definitely the turning point, and my wife changed when this occurred, she was accepting of the fate she had been dealt, but she now had what she wished for, children to look after.
We had brilliant days out with them kids, we did all the stuff you just do and we could now visit those shops to buy gifts for these little visitors that we had been gifted the chance to look after.
To this day those kids, or should I say young adults spend so much time with us, they’ve even joined us on a recent holiday and the relationship we have with them is fantastic. They have grown up to be beautiful souls and it’s nice to think we played a part in their stories. We still ask each other what we think our kids would have been like, and often comment that if they are just like the nieces and nephews we helped bring up, then we couldn’t do much better than that.
The prompt for this post was encouraged by the fact that even though we are the only childless couple in our family, every Mother’s Day and Father’s Day we are showered with cards and gifts, and whilst I question it every year it’s their way of showing their appreciation, and just saying thank you.
I’ve sent them all a WhatsApp message telling them what I have purchased with their gift cards, as I like them to know where it’s been spent. This year I’ve purchased some new tools and a special extraction fan for my soldering, just so I can stay around and appreciate them a little longer. They and their parents changed our life’s for the better.
I should really be thanking them. But they know I’m always here for them. I’m not a dad, but they make me feel so much like a dad. ❤️
Thanks for passing by. Stay blessed and try to be happy.
What was the most outrageous lie you believed as a child?
I remember one lie that was told to me around the early to mid 70’s by my parents, of all people. And I don’t believe that they were the only ones, as it seems my gang of friends around that time had also been told the same. With no internet on the horizon for at least the next 15 years at the earliest, I can only assume that our parents had some kind of “Parents jungle network” that they used, to actively spread such untruths.
That lie was, “If you swallow chewing gum it gets wrapped around your heart and can kill you”. Blimey. As an easily influenced 6-10 year old this would have been shocking information to receive from our parents who always talk nothing but the truth! Honestly they do!
I guess they didn’t approve of chewing gum.
It worked though, I never swallowed it, and that’s probably why in the late 70s and early 80s there was so much of an issue with discarded chewing gum on British streets during that period.
It was our parents fault 😂
To be honest it probably was not until we started doing biology in our senior school years that we uncovered the fake information our parents had given us, and when questioned about it, there was always the denial, “I didn’t say that, stop your lying.” You’d never win that argument.
Apparently it passes through the digestive tract as per normal as the body can’t digest it. However swallowing large amounts could potentially cause blockages but that would have to be some serious amount of gum.
Could be worse though, this was what one curious five year old was told by his mum. Courtesy of the Guardian newspaper:
According to my mum, when I was younger, you blow a bubble out of your bum. Why that was supposed to deter a curious 5 year old is beyond me.
Gareth, Graham UK
Enough said. Parents of the 70s – you have been rumbled.
I still never swallow it though 😂
Have a super day.
If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?
I’d like to be my father for the day. Not because he was someone who could be admired and loved and cherished, he was none of that. He was a nasty evil man that made my mothers, my younger sisters and my life an absolute misery.
I would like to know what made him tick, what was his reasoning and did he ever consider getting help for the way he was.
I’d kick start that change even if I could’ve been him for a day. He has ruined my life and still haunts me in nightmares to this day. Never was I more pleased when someone passed away, it’s a horrible thing to say but my life began in earnest that day. However my faith and beliefs tell me we will meet again one day and that is what bothers me now, I’m not prepared for that..
His evil ways, I carry as a burden everyday.
As a child it is not right that you have to be protecting your mother from abuse and a little girl for being downright petrified of her own father. As for what I endured it goes to the grave with me.
I’ve always said to my wife I want to be a better man and be nothing like him. I’ve managed that well, I have never raised a hand to woman in my life and will never do so. My mother was a punchbag and far too many times it was me that absorbed those punches as I tried to protect her.
I have moods occasionally and I put them down to being like him, and I dislike it when someone says I look like my father, there is no one I’d rather be.
It’s a curse to be honest, and here I am just a few small years away from retirement still paying the price, and very much afraid.
It’s not fair. Domestic abuse is not acceptable, it affects lives for longer than you can imagine, it’s probably going to be with me way into the afterlife. It’s a life and death sentence. And he is the winner. It’s wrong.
Peace to you all.
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?
As I’m sure, anyone at all that pays any attention to what is written in these posts, will know we lost our best friend Alf, our beloved pet dog on 16th August last year. There’s probably a lot of you out there who are probably saying,“ For gods sake man just get on with it”.
Easier said than done I’m afraid. If you read the facts and figures, animal grief is just so real, especially in an animal loving country such as ours.
I’ve never really experienced it in such a manner before, but this time we’ve really struggled. I think I summed it up at its peak here: Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔 . There are a number of other posts about him but this one sums up the raw feelings when we lost him.
We’ve never been able to have children in our life, it’s complicated. Especially when you spend your life with the most wonderful woman who would have made the most fantastic mother, it really is heartbreaking to see her interactions with children and the love she shows them. Then in the quiet moments I really see how it affects her. All I can do is comfort her.
This is where Alf strolls in. He was to us, what was always out of reach, a kind of surrogate if you like. It was fate how we found him and he had the starring role in our lives for eleven beautiful years.
To answer the question: If I could make my pet understand one thing? It would be:
You were our love, our confidante our life. Our most precious companion. And we miss you so much.
Yes it’s more than one thing I know. But when a kindly loving soul enters your life and has such an effect on it, you just can’t label them with one singular credit, one word, It just can’t be done.
Life is a strange voyage. Sometimes when you can’t have something, you are blessed with the most perfect alternative. I believe we were blessed. His time came and he had to move on. I just hope some where, another couple who have maybe suffered similar issues as we did, are now experiencing some wonderful “Alfie” time. That little fellah truly had wings.
Love you for always lad.
Peace.
That was the call we’ve just had from the vets. A lovely and quite melancholy call to be honest, just as if he’s had a minor procedure and he has awoken and is now ready to come home.
Reality is a little more stark. We are now heading down to collect our little fellah after he has been cremated.
We didn’t know what to expect to be honest, do we take a bag? Is he in a polythene bag? My wife was upset as she’d taken the call as I had been on nights and was in bed. I had this overwhelming feeling yesterday that he’d be coming home today, so in a way when I awoke I wasn’t surprised, strange isn’t it?
We needn’t have fretted, it was all so professional. He’s in a lovely woodland scene tube, we didn’t want a sealed casket as we wanted his ashes to go with ours in the end, please don’t judge us, it’s what we want and you will never understand just what this little character meant to us.
We also have a certificate of individual cremation, with lovely words, we have a lovely little picture frame memento with his paw print, we now have to pick a picture from the thousands we have of him, no easy task and I suspect we will have words about this. The vets have taken a cutting of his fur and put it in a small phial, lovely touch. We have two beautiful cards with his paw print on, and I will be using one of these to get a permanent tattoo on my arm with his pet name as he was known to many in the family- “Alfie Moon”.
The feeling in the house at the moment is nice, all the doubt we had has now gone, and we are so happy with the professional service we have experienced.
We can now move on to the healing stage, as he is now home. It’s so weird that the immense feeling of grief has lifted and a modicum of calmness and happiness has returned, it needed to as it had been missing for some time now.
Our lad is home, where he deserves to be. And he will be with us forever more.
Welcome home son ❤️
Foxes Den 
You must be logged in to post a comment.