Tag: death

The history

Why are we cancelling everything?

What aspects of your cultural heritage are you most proud of or interested in?

In respect of my heritage, history has always fascinated me, and now it annoys me in equal measures.

What fascinates me as it always has, since back in my childhood days, is that I love to know how people worked, lived and managed to survive in a period of time when just one random off the cuff comment could have you accused of many a crime. God forbid if you said anything about the establishment as you’d probably be missing your head before too long.

And the annoying part is that we are in a society where groups of individuals are wanting to cancel everything. People are wanting to wipe out history because they disagree with what happened. That’s history folks! The fact that we don’t (in general, good society, anyway) go around inflicting on the populace accusations of “Witchcraft” “Heresy” and whatever, means we have learned something from that history. We generally don’t make the mistakes of the past as we have become better people and learned from that horrific history that pre dates us all.

She’s right….

I can’t get enough of history, it’s potentially my favourite subject and I will gladly overdose on it in either book or film format. I just love it.

I don’t feel the urge to go and lop off someone’s head, or to take part in hanging, drawing and quartering anyone (not today anyway….) and that’s because we have all learnt, and moved on from those terrible times. We learn from the mistakes of the past, and to wipe out history leaves us in the unenviable position of not knowing the difference between right and wrong, we might as well all go and bury our heads in the sand and just imagine it never happened.

I have news for you Sherlock, it did happen, and as long as we learn, develop and make better then we are being taught by our historical misdemeanours, hopefully to never venture back to those dark old days.

Cancelling solves nothing. In the words of the Jamaican activist- Marcus Garvey,

“A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots”

And he isn’t wrong, I used to have a tee shirt with that on it in my teenage years..

History, it shapes our futures. Don’t cancel it.

Have a superb day…

World mental health day

World mental health day and men’s arrogance and reluctance to talk

I just wanted to share a post that was sent to me. Today is World mental health day, and this is one of the most hard hitting, and well formed videos that I think I have ever seen. It was produced by Norwich City football club here in the Uk, and in my eyes it is probably one of the best pieces of film I have ever watched, simply just asking you to keep an eye on friends and colleagues. Simple and straight to the point.

Here in the Uk 40% of deaths in males under the age of fifty, is a result of poor mental health. A horrendously high amount you must agree, and totally avoidable if everyone was just more aware of subtle changes of those around us. Have a look at the video in the link below, it’s hard hitting as the outcome is not what you’d expect.

I have in the last couple of weeks dealt with my 20th fatality on the railway, no one explained in the beginning, on the job description, that my job would involve such horrendous outcomes, and I have witnessed scenes that I would not wish upon anyone. Do I suffer? I’d tell you no, to your face, but sometimes I’m in utter turmoil.

But I have a peer group at work, that are there for me, we are all there for each other as we get no support from work to be honest. If we didn’t talk to each other, and offer words of comfort and reassurance, I’d hate to know where any of us would be now.

Men are stubborn sods full of false bravado, I’m one of them, and I’m great at pulling the curtains over a difficult situation. Smiling eyes I might have, my confidence may seem through the roof, but in the quiet periods or the wee dark hours, I’m asking myself questions i do not know the answers to.

I’m praying I never attend another fatality, but in reality I know another one is never far away, I’m lucky that I have the support of my colleagues to see me through, we talk, we drink tea.

Talking works. It saves lives. And lets people know they are not alone.

You are not alone, and will never be. Don’t let those thoughts rule your head, those thoughts need to be out in the open. They are poison, and the poison needs to be let. Talking helps.

Stay safe. You are not alone.

Heck, I miss going Walkies.

A year ago today we lost our little dog Alf. It’s been a tough year and I must say time has not been a good healer, it’s as tough now as it was back then and he’s left a massive void in our family structure.

I’d say now that if you aren’t an animal lover then read no further. You wouldn’t understand.

However if you have a modicum of appreciation for a species that loves another being, unconditionally, then please read on.

Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔

I wrote this last year at his passing, nothing has changed.

Alf – our little fellah

I really miss walking this little fellow.

Good day to you all. Have a happy and peaceful one.

Brothers Memorial Day

My dear brother John succumbed to the “Bastard” that is Cancer ten years ago.

He was a lovely guy, fun to be with and the family compared him to a character who used to be on UK television called “Arthur Daley”. Anyone who knew that character would know why we made the comparison with John, as he’d be involved in everything all totally Kosher of course….cough,cough.

A decision was made at his wake that we’d have a family day, once a year at one of his favourite spots, Cassiobury park in Watford. And yesterday was the tenth anniversary meeting, it was a lovely day, however the weather didn’t really behave itself. Despite Watford have plus 30 degree days for getting on for a week now, yesterday the rain decided to hit in near biblical quantities. But did it dampen the day? No, we all had a great time and it was great to see everyone.

Cassiobury park in Watford

I lived for 54 years in Watford and never really liked the place, I really dislike going there but sometimes you just do what you have to do. It’s no big sacrifice is it? But there is no doubt about it that the park at Cassiobury is one of the finest, most beautiful public spaces I have ever visited in this country, it really is a stunning well kept and huge piece of parkland that you really should visit if you are ever in the area.

The normal agenda is for us all to meet at a local hotel and then wander off to the park with a picnic, seats and numerous bats, balls, frisbees and whatever, to have a good afternoon of laughter and sporting activity, that normally results in aches, pains and strains for the older participants that I can truly relate to as I write this post this morning.

There were 21 of us on this on this occasion, from all around the country, Southampton, Leeds, Wales and everywhere else in between. It really was a superb turnout and just shows how much John was loved.

A good turnout, the weather held out for a while

I often like to have a wander, and as I previously stated it’s a massive park and deserves to be explored so here are a few pics to show it off

A lovely clean park

About 5pm the weather was drawing in and we decided to move out of the park, however we weren’t quick enough, the rain hit – heavy, and we were caught out. Thankfully we had some umbrellas ☔️ and we made our way back towards the hotel. Myself and my wife were bringing up the rear and we stopped under a tree, in the park and just watched the rain. It was beautiful, a calm and lovely moment in a world of total chaos, the only two people in our own little world, it was just one of those photographic moments that your mind creates for future reference.

The rain hit, and created a beautiful memory

Back to the hotel to dry off, and then we were out to a local eatery for a meal, 21 people into a restaurant is a feat of organisation itself, and thanks go to the ladies in the group for doing that without a hitch.

We left Watford about 10pm for a drive back to the East Midlands, we said our goodbyes, made arrangement for a couple of other gatherings that are on the horizon, and had probably our best run home up the motorway that we’d had in many a year.

A superb day was had by all, it reminds me of a picture that was displayed at Johns funeral that made everyone laugh.

Says it all

Sums him up perfectly and had everyone who knew him smiling and grinning whilst nodding in agreement. It was him. And this is how we remember him.

We have a date for next years gathering, and I can’t wait.

Memories, there is nothing like creating wonderful memories. People may physically be gone from our lives, but they are never, ever, forgotten.

Thanks for reading. Have a super day.

Chewing gum wrapped heart

What was the most outrageous lie you believed as a child?

I remember one lie that was told to me around the early to mid 70’s by my parents, of all people. And I don’t believe that they were the only ones, as it seems my gang of friends around that time had also been told the same. With no internet on the horizon for at least the next 15 years at the earliest, I can only assume that our parents had some kind of “Parents jungle network” that they used, to actively spread such untruths.

That lie was, “If you swallow chewing gum it gets wrapped around your heart and can kill you”. Blimey. As an easily influenced 6-10 year old this would have been shocking information to receive from our parents who always talk nothing but the truth! Honestly they do!

I guess they didn’t approve of chewing gum.

It worked though, I never swallowed it, and that’s probably why in the late 70s and early 80s there was so much of an issue with discarded chewing gum on British streets during that period.

It was our parents fault 😂

To be honest it probably was not until we started doing biology in our senior school years that we uncovered the fake information our parents had given us, and when questioned about it, there was always the denial, “I didn’t say that, stop your lying.” You’d never win that argument.

Apparently it passes through the digestive tract as per normal as the body can’t digest it. However swallowing large amounts could potentially cause blockages but that would have to be some serious amount of gum.

Could be worse though, this was what one curious five year old was told by his mum. Courtesy of the Guardian newspaper:

According to my mum, when I was younger, you blow a bubble out of your bum. Why that was supposed to deter a curious 5 year old is beyond me.

Gareth, Graham UK

Enough said. Parents of the 70s – you have been rumbled.

I still never swallow it though 😂

Have a super day.

Only the good die young

Never a truer quote.

And today it’s hit hard. Really hard.

I have been on a run of night shifts this week, and when I awoke this afternoon, I checked my phone and I had a missed call. I listened to the message and tears flooded my eyes. A fantastic colleague and friend had passed away as I slept and its hit me hard.

20th April 2014. We won.

Chris had been a slave to the big “C” for a couple of years now, he had his ups and downs and for a while he seemed to be winning. But that bastard Cancer did not allow him any respite and today I have lost a wonderful friend and colleague.

Chris was a signaller on the route between Leicester and Peterborough and I used to regularly meet him at signal boxes between Melton Mowbray and Oakham. He, like me was a fan of Leicester City football club, and we loved nothing better than to talk about the club and try to sort the issues out in our own way, just as every football fan across the country does.

Chris spotted on Tv at the Leicester v WBA match 20th April 2024

The pictures above were broadcast on BBC tv when we were playing West Bromwich Albion in the championship in April 2024. We won that game so we both had something positive to chat about.

Something to talk about

51 years of age is no age at all.

Chris was a wonderful human being and a lovely soul. He always had a smile to greet you and there was always the offer of a cup of tea the moment you walked through the door. Some people are put on this earth to make others lives better, and Chris was one of those people. Now he has left us and the world will be a sadder place for it.

My life has been blessed for knowing him, he was an outstanding work colleague, and i am glad our paths crossed. He will always be remembered with fondness.

RIP friend – Foxes never quit

A day with those who have gone before

Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.

If just for 24hrs you could be with those you miss the most, those who have gone before you who have left you with so many unanswered questions, this would be the perfect day.

To spend more time with loved ones, to walk another mile with them, hold hands and just look at that reassuring smile, how lovely would that be?

Talking with them to the point that comfort and assurance is restored and having those doubts and worries brushed away. To know they really are happy, well and worry free, and that you are loved and still looked after, wouldn’t that just be perfect?

The end of the day would come, you’d be upset for sure, you’d say gentle goodbyes, but this time you’d be smiling, what a difference to the last time you parted company. You could now live the rest of your life free and without the worries and doubts of your past to haunt you. No more grieving.

Never again to ask the question, “What if?” as you’d already have the answers.

What a lovely day that would be❤️

Our total love and devotion

If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?

As I’m sure, anyone at all that pays any attention to what is written in these posts, will know we lost our best friend Alf, our beloved pet dog on 16th August last year. There’s probably a lot of you out there who are probably saying,“ For gods sake man just get on with it”.

Easier said than done I’m afraid. If you read the facts and figures, animal grief is just so real, especially in an animal loving country such as ours.

I’ve never really experienced it in such a manner before, but this time we’ve really struggled. I think I summed it up at its peak here: Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔 . There are a number of other posts about him but this one sums up the raw feelings when we lost him.

We’ve never been able to have children in our life, it’s complicated. Especially when you spend your life with the most wonderful woman who would have made the most fantastic mother, it really is heartbreaking to see her interactions with children and the love she shows them. Then in the quiet moments I really see how it affects her. All I can do is comfort her.

Alf – our little fellah

This is where Alf strolls in. He was to us, what was always out of reach, a kind of surrogate if you like. It was fate how we found him and he had the starring role in our lives for eleven beautiful years.

To answer the question: If I could make my pet understand one thing? It would be:

You were our love, our confidante our life. Our most precious companion. And we miss you so much.

Yes it’s more than one thing I know. But when a kindly loving soul enters your life and has such an effect on it, you just can’t label them with one singular credit, one word, It just can’t be done.

Life is a strange voyage. Sometimes when you can’t have something, you are blessed with the most perfect alternative. I believe we were blessed. His time came and he had to move on. I just hope some where, another couple who have maybe suffered similar issues as we did, are now experiencing some wonderful “Alfie” time. That little fellah truly had wings.

Love you for always lad.

Peace.

My World

When are you most happy?

Like a broken old loop from an Eastenders sub plot, lots of people will say “When I am with family”. Well that doesn’t work for me. My family were an extremely dysfunctional unit and to be honest we were probably best kept apart. My dear darling mother died on this day 20 yrs ago, she was the glue that held our family together and once she had gone the rot set in.

However, I have my own small arm of the family that consists of just my wife and I. It used to have a third member, little Alf our dog, but he unfortunately passed away in August of this year and what I always refer to as “My World” again collapsed, so now we are two.

Alfie Bichon Frise

Home is my safe place and that is where I feel safe with the only person I know that knows me better than I know myself. After 33 years of marriage I am still excited to go home at the end of a working day, and I can’t wait to see her again.

My world

I’m just scared that one day My World will collapse again, but I will not dwell on the future, I will concentrate constantly on ensuring that My World is content, happy and safe and most importantly cared for.

Peace

End of life

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

That has to be ending the life of a much loved and cherished member of the family, a pet.

In our married life we have had three wonderful little Bichon Frise dogs, who we have rightly or wrongly treated as our children, they have wanted for nothing and had the best that we could bestow on them. We have never had children as we can’t, we obviously upset someone in a previous life and that privilege and pleasure has been taken away from us. We needed surrogates and the dogs were those stand ins. We were very happy.

There comes a time where you have to let go, you notice changes in an animals behaviour, the little whimpers, the constant sleep and the inability to do things, the little looks you get and the realisation that their quality of life is deteriorating. Decisions have to be made.

That final journey to the vets, me driving, my wife cuddling the little package on the back seat and the fight to see through the flood of tears that are clouding your eyes.

The vets bench, the dogs wagging his tail, he’s ok you think, but he’s not. The injection to subdue him, he rests, the second injection and then he’s gone.

The lonely drive home knowing you have left a family member behind, the sadness you are going to feel everyday going forward.

The little things you miss, the what ifs? that suddenly come to mind and the guilt you feel for ending a perfect little life.

We’ve done that three times now and it hurts so damned much, I don’t think we will ever be able to do it again as the pain is just unbearable.

Life is full of hard decisions, but when it ends in the death of a much loved companion, I just don’t think there are many such decisions that are harder to make.

Peace to all. Be safe.