Tag: evil

My father, not for obvious reasons

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

I’d like to be my father for the day. Not because he was someone who could be admired and loved and cherished, he was none of that. He was a nasty evil man that made my mothers, my younger sisters and my life an absolute misery.

I would like to know what made him tick, what was his reasoning and did he ever consider getting help for the way he was.

I’d kick start that change even if I could’ve been him for a day. He has ruined my life and still haunts me in nightmares to this day. Never was I more pleased when someone passed away, it’s a horrible thing to say but my life began in earnest that day. However my faith and beliefs tell me we will meet again one day and that is what bothers me now, I’m not prepared for that..

His evil ways, I carry as a burden everyday.

As a child it is not right that you have to be protecting your mother from abuse and a little girl for being downright petrified of her own father. As for what I endured it goes to the grave with me.

I’ve always said to my wife I want to be a better man and be nothing like him. I’ve managed that well, I have never raised a hand to woman in my life and will never do so. My mother was a punchbag and far too many times it was me that absorbed those punches as I tried to protect her.

I have moods occasionally and I put them down to being like him, and I dislike it when someone says I look like my father, there is no one I’d rather be.

It’s a curse to be honest, and here I am just a few small years away from retirement still paying the price, and very much afraid.

It’s not fair. Domestic abuse is not acceptable, it affects lives for longer than you can imagine, it’s probably going to be with me way into the afterlife. It’s a life and death sentence. And he is the winner. It’s wrong.

Peace to you all.

Thoughts 12/5/24

Share a story about someone who had a positive impact on your life.

I won’t delve too deep into this question as I’m sure I’ve answered something similar in the past. But here goes.

Mum

My mum was lovely, a beautiful person however she spent her life in the shadow of an overwhelming bullying individual – my father. He was a nasty piece of stuff, people loved him and thought he was the life of the party, but behind closed doors he was probably one of the most disliked and evil individuals you could ever have the displeasure of meeting. He only ever influenced me to make sure I never grew up like him.

Mum though, I love and miss so much. She was such a gentle and caring individual, she certainly did not deserve a life with him, however as always happens in coercive relationships she loved him and wouldn’t have anything said against him.

She taught me to look after myself, she taught me good from bad, she taught me the meaning of manners and respect and pretty much single handedly was my queen and protector.

There’s very few individuals who I think of daily, and mum is one of them.

What she sacrificed for me, I hope I gave back to her, as even in her later years when she was in her 70s and ill with bowel cancer that evil bastard of a father still bullied her. But I was now able to protect her from him and she is the one who taught me that, it’s as if i was being prepared for that role.

I learned not to envy but to admire. Do not hate, as that is a harsh and horrible attitude, and as you can see that word is not used in this post at all, even though we probably had more of a right than most people to use it. Be respectful to others and listen. I still use these teachings to this day.

She spoke beautiful words to my wife and I on her deathbed, and I will treasure those last moments forever. They are private and will forever remain so.

I was fortunate to have such a loving and caring mother. I know not every child in this big old world shares such good fortune, I just hope they can find a light in life to follow.

Peace to all.