Tag: illness

Blah blah….

When everything in life lines up perfectly to cause maximum confusion

Have you ever had one of those days where you are determined to write something but just don’t know what to write about? I’m having one of those days today, I don’t even know what the title of the post is, hence I’ve just called it Blah, blah as a draft title.

I might keep it at that.

I look through all of the posts that i subscribe to and I’m immensely impressed by the frequency that some posters write at, you guys are so organised and regimented that i can be nothing more than mightily impressed. And i am. Well done all of you.

This site, as i have stated previously, on many occasions was put in place purely as an extension to the journal i used to keep by my bedside. However it has also extended to be a journal of my hobbies and interests, in no way was it ever to have a professional “Air” to it and to that extent i have been very successful.

I’m inherently aware that lately i have used this medium to whinge and moan about a number of things, one of those is the process (or should i say endurance) of moving home in the UK. Before you shut your computers down and redirect to a site on do it yourself lobotomies, I’m not going to go on about it too much in this post, i promise. I might just touch on it a teeny tiny bit, sorry.

So let’s get it over with. After the collapse of the chain on Monday, a new purchaser was in the frame by Wednesday, who had previously viewed the house and loved it. They were disappointed that we had sold, and left instructions with the agent that should things not work out then they would be happy to step in. Their dream came true and on Wednesday they officially committed to purchasing, however the price they were offering was lower than we wanted, you can’t win them all i guess. The whole process rides on them coming back again early next week, and to be honest it could still fall flat on its face. And it probably will. However the wife is now in a better state of mind and we have had some good discussion on how we carry things forward. Things are good, and we have plans. Either way, whatever happens it was meant to be. Just roll with the punches, that’s life.

See i told you it would be brief.

Now, health. I don’t normally talk health as it’s no one’s business apart from mine. And the wife’s. I’m fast approaching a landmark birthday, and as you get older, things start to happen. Things that make you question yourself, ”That’s never happened before”. Well, somethings occurred that has made me contact the doctor. And if you live in the UK you would generally understand that, that alone is no easy task. To partake in the 8am lottery to get a doctor’s appointment is no task for the weak hearted. How ironic, as that is exactly what my problem appears to be. The ultimate test of strength and endurance.

You get on the phone at 8am when the doctor’s appointments line opens, within 3 minutes you are number 32 in the queue, and at this point you realise there is probably no point at hanging on as you are not going to get to see anyone today. Just remain incapacitated and try and call back tomorrow, there’s a good lad!

No wonder many people just say, “sod it, what’s the point” and that’s probably why at this stage our entire hospital and A&E system is at bursting point. Crazy. The NHS is such a diamond, but it’s at a straining point that can’t be sustained, it just can’t handle the demands put upon it, and its the every day man and woman on the street that will eventually pay the price.

The good news is that prices for cremations have dropped in price, a classic sign of supply and demand being in perfect harmony.

My head is full of bloat at the moment, and i just had to unload some of it here, how do you writers put it all into some type of order? That’s what I don’t understand. Where do you get your motivation from?

My entire life is packed into boxes at the moment, and i really do miss the activities that gave me a little bit of artistic licence, I’m on all the auction sites at the moment just itching to push that “Buy now” button, but its hard….very hard. I already have 13 projects on WordPress currently in draft mode, awaiting completion but this entire process of moving home has sent my anxiety and patience levels through the roof, but I’m keeping it together somehow, i have to stay strong for my wife. However she is in exactly the same situation as me, and at times she well and truly puts me to shame. Selfishness has no position in a stable relationship, we are partners, and partners share the burden, rethink your attitude, refocus and share the burden. Simple as that.

So that’s today’s rant put to paper…or the cloud, and do i have a suitable title now? No I don’t. So Blah, blah it is then.

Stay safe. Have a beautiful day.

As if bad days could get any worse

I’ve been in a pretty low mood of late due to suffering the post holiday blues, pretty much self imposed and just needing a good kick up the ass to get me motivated.

On top of that being a person who suffers continuously with respiratory issues I’ve been fighting off a nasty chest infection that I think I may have finally just got the better of. (Fingers crossed)

Then I get that kick up the ass I was talking about in the first paragraph.

My good work Colleague and Signaller Nick, who lives in London has contacted me to ask if I’ve spoken to one of our other colleagues lately ( who shall remain nameless)

I told him I hadn’t spoken for about 6 months only to be told he now has cancer in both lungs and his kidney, he’s fighting his last battle as I’m writing.

Nicks told me he has just spoken to him, and he’s telling him of all the things he has to do for his family before it’s too late.

This is where I broke. He’s early 50s, has a young family and… I just can’t put it into words. What a beautiful human being, one of the nicest guys you could ever wish to meet and work with. This guy earned an award when I was his gaffer, after saving 12 people who suffered cardiac arrests whilst on train stations in London. His actions ensured Those people are here today. And this is how he gets rewarded. Sick joke…

And I’m feeling low because of post holiday blues and a chest infection. How pathetic am i?

I’m a pathetic wretch, get real and buck your ideas up son.

Sometimes, it takes the sledge hammer effect straight in the face to really bring it home to you. Thank you Nick for making me see reality again.

Thinking of you on your hardest journey bud. Remember 2012. You life saver.

Garden therapy

Currently I’m in the west of London in the Sunbury on Thames area. I’ve brought my wife down to spend ten days with her friend as I’m about to embark on a long stint of night shifts. It will allow them to spend good time together. I shall be heading back to the East Midlands later today on my own.

Anyone who reads my posts will know that last year we spent a lot of time down here as her friend went through quite a bad episode of poor mental health. My wife assisted her through that, and helped put her on a care plan and arranged for her to have visits, so she could be checked on regularly to ensure she was receiving the necessary care and attention that she required.

I’m pleased to say all that worked out well, her friend has recovered and is back to her old self, confident and strong willed, you’d have thought nothing had happened. She has been weaned off her medications by the doctor, the welfare visits have ceased and it is so wonderful to see her back to her old self. We all need a little care and attention at times, and it certainly helps. And it’s good to have such a friend as my wife.

Azalea

And the above picture from her garden sums it all up for me. Last year there was none of this, the garden, though well kept lacked colour. This year it is so different and is ablaze with colour. This is what she is capable of, producing things of beauty just like this fantastic Azalea plant.

I’m lucky if my Azaleas get just a few flowers each year. She is so talented when it comes to gardening.

As I’ve always stated, never show envy, always turn that into appreciation and that’s what I have done here, she has such a talent, she is so capable and knowledgeable and I can only appreciate that I will be a better person, a better gardener by listening to the wisdom of those such as her.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

It’s unconditional

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

It was the 14th February 2018. Happy Valentine’s Day. I was told I had a cancerous tumour.

I was numb. We went out the following day for a lovely walk and all we did was discuss the elephant in the room throughout that whole trip. Even looking at the photos of that day I can see the false smile on my face as well as the concern on my wife’s.

False smile, worry in her eyes, not a good day

I went into serious withdrawal from life, as I knew it. I suffered severe depression. I didn’t share my feelings with the one person who knew me best. I kept it all to myself and it was all too much, I broke down. It was my problem, I’ll deal with it. But I couldn’t. I needed help.

That one person, sat beside me, she cried with me and she comforted me. She cuddled me. She stayed with me and she didn’t let me go.

It was at that point I experienced absolute unconditional love. There was a warmth that went through me, it’s as if she had taken all my worries and concerns and put them away for me, I’ve always said she’s an angel and she has this amazing ability to take away my problems and make my whole life better.

And I didn’t even share my feelings with her. That’s so wrong. I felt so guilty.

Guess what, I share absolutely everything with her now, nothing is held back, the silly issues, the concerns and worries. And you know what, her arms encase me again, that love flows through me as it always does and has done. I feel nothing but love, and it is my life’s task to ensure she feels just the same.

We beat the big C, or should I say it’s at the back of our minds and doesn’t overwhelm us anymore. When we talk about it we use the name “Fred”. The “C” word is no longer used in our home. It’s banished. It’s a horrible word, and my lovely lady did this to make our life less stressful.

My Angel. My Wife. My life.

Peace.

One frightened lady and a lot of Hedgehogs

If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?

At this very moment it would be going to help a very frightened lady in my family, my niece bless her. She’s had problems all her life and has pretty much won every fight despite the odds being against her. She’s now fighting the toughest fight of her life as the Big C has entered the ring, she doesn’t fully understand, and he doesn’t fight fair. I think a million would go quite a way to get her the best treatment possible.

But I haven’t won it, I can’t pay for that treatment so unfortunately the fight goes on. But we’re fighters and we will be beside her all of the way.

Hedgehogs. 🦔

There are so many little hedgehog sanctuaries around the Uk constantly fighting a battle to save and protect this wonderful little creature of the night. They won’t hurt anyone, they do wonders to your garden, however we as a population are killing them just by going about our daily lives, butchering their environment for crappy estates and making their existence intolerable. Now I have regular hog visitors to my garden as it has been built around them. They have easy access to water and food and a section of the garden that I have classed as the wild part where I know they live. I see them in the garden as youngsters in the early part of the year and only last night I saw one of them in the garden and he is now a lovely fully grown male, quite a lump. Earlier this year I had three at the food bowl at the same time, a first for me, probably all from the same family, I believe I posted the video here: And then we had three..

I love to see them grow and I am so proud of myself that I’ve developed an environment that they feel safe in. And that’s the problem. I’m not in the country, I’m in a city with two horrendously busy roads and occasionally I see them as victims. However I’m really surprised that the majority thrive, and seeing now that the suspected hedgehog population is now less than 2 million across the UK (it was 5 times that only a few years ago!) we need to protect them.

Humankind in its worst form wipes other species out without a thought. If a million dollars, pounds or whatever currency you use could help stop this rot then there would be no second thought, I’d do it.

But again I dont have it so I’ll just keep doing my little bit to help these beautiful little beasts.

And a lot of praying 🙏

Thoughts 2/6/24

Those things that put a smile on your face

I’ve deviated from the usual WordPress daily prompt, as today just like many other days they seem very much the same.

Alf in his favourite look out position

Today I have decided to write about things that put a smile on your face, and today at just before 6am this morning I had an incident that made me smile. For the reader you will probably be thinking what the heck is he getting all excited about, however for me it means a lot more, there is a story behind it all so let me bring you up to speed.

I have owned dogs pretty much all my life, in our 33 years of marriage we have had 3 dogs all of the same breed a Bichon Frise.

Our latest incarnation, the little fellah that has been with us for 11 years so far is Alfie, a right little sweetheart who I can honestly say has never growled at anyone in all the time we have had him, I don’t think he knows how to.

Anyway Alf has an autoimmune disease that means his skin is trying to kill him, it’s an affliction called Sebaceous Addenitis, He is on tablets that do the same as organ rejection tablets do for humans, quite nasty little packages that have to be handled with care. He also has tumours around his rear end that need daily dressing and cleansing. He’s not well bless him, but he still shows us a wagging tail, and that really pleases me.

Anyway Alf has deteriorated quite swiftly over the last couple of years, he’s gone from a dog that loved to walk miles to one that just goes out the door to do his business, we are lucky if a walk now stretches to ten minutes when we used to be out hours.

I do shift work and when I’m on a night shift I’m usually arriving home sometime just after 05:30 in the morning. I used to love to come home, I’d know Alf would be waiting at the door and we’d go out for a lovely early morning walk, i absolutely loved these walks as they formed part of my routine and it was precious good time out with my companion.

However as Alf’s illness has progressed he’s no longer waiting at the door when I come in, he tends to be so tired and to be honest he rarely gets out of bed before 10am as he seems to sleep for the biggest portion of the day. I really miss our little early morning walks. I miss my lively little lad.

In fact both my wife and I have noticed we are not getting the exercise we used to but that’s another story.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I roll up onto the drive to see Alf sitting in his favourite place on top of the settee looking out the window. My immediate thought was “What’s wrong?” but my wife then puts my mind at ease by saying she got up early to put some washing out and Alf got up with her. I said that was strange as it’s far too early for him but he seemed so bright for a moment, so I asked him if he wanted a walk, so he went straight to the front door I put his lead on him and we did something we haven’t done for best part of a year. We had that early morning walk.

We didn’t go far, we probably managed 10 minutes, but do you know what, I felt like I’d won the lottery, I actually thanked him for the walk gave him a cuddle and told him how much I’d enjoyed it. For that brief moment I was the happiest man alive, strange isn’t it. The sad part is that this will probably be the last time we do this, but for me, for a brief moment early this morning I felt like the happiest man on the planet. Its made my day and made me appreciate all that I have. It’s those little things that matter.

Sorry to go on about it, it’s probably going to mean nothing to you the reader, but for me this is everything, and I had to write about it.

Have a wonderful day in whatever you are doing, and just rejoice in those small nuggets of happiness we all too often ignore and let them pass us by.