Tag: mental health

World mental health day

World mental health day and menโ€™s arrogance and reluctance to talk

I just wanted to share a post that was sent to me. Today is World mental health day, and this is one of the most hard hitting, and well formed videos that I think I have ever seen. It was produced by Norwich City football club here in the Uk, and in my eyes it is probably one of the best pieces of film I have ever watched, simply just asking you to keep an eye on friends and colleagues. Simple and straight to the point.

Here in the Uk 40% of deaths in males under the age of fifty, is a result of poor mental health. A horrendously high amount you must agree, and totally avoidable if everyone was just more aware of subtle changes of those around us. Have a look at the video in the link below, itโ€™s hard hitting as the outcome is not what youโ€™d expect.

I have in the last couple of weeks dealt with my 20th fatality on the railway, no one explained in the beginning, on the job description, that my job would involve such horrendous outcomes, and I have witnessed scenes that I would not wish upon anyone. Do I suffer? Iโ€™d tell you no, to your face, but sometimes Iโ€™m in utter turmoil.

But I have a peer group at work, that are there for me, we are all there for each other as we get no support from work to be honest. If we didnโ€™t talk to each other, and offer words of comfort and reassurance, Iโ€™d hate to know where any of us would be now.

Men are stubborn sods full of false bravado, Iโ€™m one of them, and Iโ€™m great at pulling the curtains over a difficult situation. Smiling eyes I might have, my confidence may seem through the roof, but in the quiet periods or the wee dark hours, Iโ€™m asking myself questions i do not know the answers to.

Iโ€™m praying I never attend another fatality, but in reality I know another one is never far away, Iโ€™m lucky that I have the support of my colleagues to see me through, we talk, we drink tea.

Talking works. It saves lives. And lets people know they are not alone.

You are not alone, and will never be. Donโ€™t let those thoughts rule your head, those thoughts need to be out in the open. They are poison, and the poison needs to be let. Talking helps.

Stay safe. You are not alone.

Itโ€™s my journal

Why do you blog?

During my working life I have so far experienced, 17 traumatic suicides on the railway. I am more often than not the first person on site and have to make access to the site, safe for all the emergency personnel about to arrive en masse. I have seen things no one should ever expect to witness. And I sincerely hope you never do.

For this reason, I have had health issues mainly around PTSD that I was diagnosed as having just two years ago, after a young lad ended his life on my shift. That one affected me, though i often go into self denial that this was the cause. Though in all seriousness it was probably the proverbial straw that broke the camelโ€™s back.

I used to journal as a result. It wasnโ€™t a private journal, I used to have it beside the bed and actively encourage my wife to read it. At the time I was hiding a lot of my feelings from my wife, I was the typical bloke that wouldnโ€™t talk, however I was storing this all inside and even I could see this was heading straight towards becoming the perfect storm. Iโ€™m glad I did that as it helped her and it also helped me to prompt conversation and off load some of that weight from my shoulders.

Blogging became the natural progression from the journal. The family now have links to this blog and they all check in on a regular basis to see what I am doing. I include all the hobby stuff and it is now more of a website than a blog site.

I sit here typing as I am now at 4 in the morning and the wife will turn to me and say, โ€œAre you doing your blog?โ€ And I will say yes. She knows that this is my way of healing some scars by just offloading the excess baggage that life supplies sometimes. And do you know what? It works for me. I donโ€™t do it for followers as thatโ€™s not what Iโ€™m about. To be honest it wouldnโ€™t bother me if not a single person read my site, for me I have a history at my fingertips where I can check my progress. I have bad days, I have days where I do nothing but whinge, but I can now see why these things happen and thatโ€™s all down to this blog.

Thatโ€™s why I blog, this last month has been awful as my constant companion, Alf, our dog, another who would just sit and listen to me wagging his little tail passed away and it has just ripped the hearts out of my wife and I. See his pictures here: Alfie. All hobbies and interests have disappeared as we have just entered that, โ€œCanโ€™t be arsedโ€ stage of grief. We will come to terms with it in time, and again this is where the blog helps.

Hopefully people will understand this. Iโ€™m just a guy who is suffering but I have found a way to let off that steam, accumulated as a result of other peoples desperate actions.

Itโ€™s tough, but I wonโ€™t let the demons win. It is a daily battle that I doubt I will win in the long run but hopefully I can put it aside for a good while longer.

I really wish for peace for you all.

Talk,

Blog,

It really helps.