Tag: sadness

Happy Easter

I’ve been very fortunate to have my entire family around me these last few days and it has been a truly fantastic time. We get together very rarely and it’s hard to predict a date when this many of us will be together again.

It’s pure luck that’s it’s fallen on Easter weekend, and that’s just added to its appeal for me.

We are not in anyway a religious abiding family, in all truth I’m probably the most active one in that sense as it’s just something that gives me comfort, although I’m by no means a practicing member of the religious community and my attendance at a place of worship is woeful to be honest, nether the less it’s something I hold onto, as I’ve said before, for a little peace and comfort.

Today we have another family gathering at a family members house for a house warming, soirée for want of a better word. This will be the gathering where we all say our goodbyes as we swan off to all parts of the country after first making brief plans for dates, where the wife can work her magic and get the next “Gathering of the clans” arranged.

Prior to that though, a group of us men in the family will move off to the city centre to watch today’s game of football. We are destined to be further pushed along the road to relegation from the premier league, but it’s nothing less than we deserve as we have been awful all season. Personally I’d rather not go, but that’s the point of being a supporter, you give support through both the good and bad times. It’s very much the latter at the moment for us.

We lost, but enjoyed the game

That said there will, I know, be plenty of laughter along the way.

It’s been a lovely weekend where the whole aspect of Easter has been observed. Togetherness, happiness, sadness, whilst reminiscing for those no longer with us and a time for giving gifts and compliments, and compassion for those who are going through difficult times, who couldn’t be with us this wonderful weekend.

It’s rare to have these weekends timed to such perfection but the wife has surpassed herself yet again with this weekend.

Later tonight when all the good byes have been said, the family messaging group will come alive with all the wonderful, fun and smile inducing pictures of this weekend. Memories have been made.

A happy Easter, or a happy weekend to you all, wherever you may be.

Stay safe. Be happy.

Addiction

If you could un-invent something, what would it be?

I’ve browsed around some of the replies to this prompt and I must say I’m quite surprised. Surprised to see so many people wishing that social media could be un-invented. Now I am with these people 100%, I agree it’s a breeding ground for hatred and vitriol, however as so many are already mentioning social media I feel I should suggest something else because to not do so would make this post quite repetitive and boring.

Well it will probably still be boring but here goes.

Addiction. If only there wasn’t such a thing. Again it’s one of those things that is good to have in certain scenarios but an absolute nightmare to have in others. Let’s talk about the nightmare scenarios.

I guess that somewhere in the top three addictions there would be Drugs, Alcohol and Gambling. In my job these are three of the top addictions that drive people to attempt to end their lives on the railway. I know this personally, I deal with the aftermath far too often and it is a truly tragic situation.

Can you imagine the freedom and excitement these people who are inflicted with such a disabling and horrible condition would feel, if this burden was lifted from their shoulders and it would never bother them again?

I once was heading down the wrong road with alcohol in my late teens. Two things stopped me going there. My job, as we are constantly liable to be drug and alcohol tested as we have a zero tolerance policy here, and my wife. I have always stated that she alone saved my life. She witnessed things that raised her awareness levels and stopped me going down the wrong road. I was fortunate. Others are not so.

So if we could only un-invent addiction. Wouldn’t that be a fantastic thing. Just imagine how many good souls would still be with us today.

Have a peaceful day.

Pretty dull

What would your life be like without music?

Pretty dull I’d imagine. Yes I love my silence, but I do have a soundtrack to my life like many people do. I love all genres of music, and to be honest, i listen to some pretty random stuff across the entire music spectrum.

But.

I do have a number of playlists that reflect my moods.

And I love playing them.

Music comforts, calms and allows things to be put in to perspective. It revives both good and bad times as well as having a motivational aspect that we all need from time to time.

It would be pretty miserable without music.

Good day all.

It’s my journal

Why do you blog?

During my working life I have so far experienced, 17 traumatic suicides on the railway. I am more often than not the first person on site and have to make access to the site, safe for all the emergency personnel about to arrive en masse. I have seen things no one should ever expect to witness. And I sincerely hope you never do.

For this reason, I have had health issues mainly around PTSD that I was diagnosed as having just two years ago, after a young lad ended his life on my shift. That one affected me, though i often go into self denial that this was the cause. Though in all seriousness it was probably the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

I used to journal as a result. It wasn’t a private journal, I used to have it beside the bed and actively encourage my wife to read it. At the time I was hiding a lot of my feelings from my wife, I was the typical bloke that wouldn’t talk, however I was storing this all inside and even I could see this was heading straight towards becoming the perfect storm. I’m glad I did that as it helped her and it also helped me to prompt conversation and off load some of that weight from my shoulders.

Blogging became the natural progression from the journal. The family now have links to this blog and they all check in on a regular basis to see what I am doing. I include all the hobby stuff and it is now more of a website than a blog site.

I sit here typing as I am now at 4 in the morning and the wife will turn to me and say, “Are you doing your blog?” And I will say yes. She knows that this is my way of healing some scars by just offloading the excess baggage that life supplies sometimes. And do you know what? It works for me. I don’t do it for followers as that’s not what I’m about. To be honest it wouldn’t bother me if not a single person read my site, for me I have a history at my fingertips where I can check my progress. I have bad days, I have days where I do nothing but whinge, but I can now see why these things happen and that’s all down to this blog.

That’s why I blog, this last month has been awful as my constant companion, Alf, our dog, another who would just sit and listen to me wagging his little tail passed away and it has just ripped the hearts out of my wife and I. See his pictures here: Alfie. All hobbies and interests have disappeared as we have just entered that, “Can’t be arsed” stage of grief. We will come to terms with it in time, and again this is where the blog helps.

Hopefully people will understand this. I’m just a guy who is suffering but I have found a way to let off that steam, accumulated as a result of other peoples desperate actions.

It’s tough, but I won’t let the demons win. It is a daily battle that I doubt I will win in the long run but hopefully I can put it aside for a good while longer.

I really wish for peace for you all.

Talk,

Blog,

It really helps.