Tag: unfair

As if bad days could get any worse

I’ve been in a pretty low mood of late due to suffering the post holiday blues, pretty much self imposed and just needing a good kick up the ass to get me motivated.

On top of that being a person who suffers continuously with respiratory issues I’ve been fighting off a nasty chest infection that I think I may have finally just got the better of. (Fingers crossed)

Then I get that kick up the ass I was talking about in the first paragraph.

My good work Colleague and Signaller Nick, who lives in London has contacted me to ask if I’ve spoken to one of our other colleagues lately ( who shall remain nameless)

I told him I hadn’t spoken for about 6 months only to be told he now has cancer in both lungs and his kidney, he’s fighting his last battle as I’m writing.

Nicks told me he has just spoken to him, and he’s telling him of all the things he has to do for his family before it’s too late.

This is where I broke. He’s early 50s, has a young family and… I just can’t put it into words. What a beautiful human being, one of the nicest guys you could ever wish to meet and work with. This guy earned an award when I was his gaffer, after saving 12 people who suffered cardiac arrests whilst on train stations in London. His actions ensured Those people are here today. And this is how he gets rewarded. Sick joke…

And I’m feeling low because of post holiday blues and a chest infection. How pathetic am i?

I’m a pathetic wretch, get real and buck your ideas up son.

Sometimes, it takes the sledge hammer effect straight in the face to really bring it home to you. Thank you Nick for making me see reality again.

Thinking of you on your hardest journey bud. Remember 2012. You life saver.

My father, not for obvious reasons

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

I’d like to be my father for the day. Not because he was someone who could be admired and loved and cherished, he was none of that. He was a nasty evil man that made my mothers, my younger sisters and my life an absolute misery.

I would like to know what made him tick, what was his reasoning and did he ever consider getting help for the way he was.

I’d kick start that change even if I could’ve been him for a day. He has ruined my life and still haunts me in nightmares to this day. Never was I more pleased when someone passed away, it’s a horrible thing to say but my life began in earnest that day. However my faith and beliefs tell me we will meet again one day and that is what bothers me now, I’m not prepared for that..

His evil ways, I carry as a burden everyday.

As a child it is not right that you have to be protecting your mother from abuse and a little girl for being downright petrified of her own father. As for what I endured it goes to the grave with me.

I’ve always said to my wife I want to be a better man and be nothing like him. I’ve managed that well, I have never raised a hand to woman in my life and will never do so. My mother was a punchbag and far too many times it was me that absorbed those punches as I tried to protect her.

I have moods occasionally and I put them down to being like him, and I dislike it when someone says I look like my father, there is no one I’d rather be.

It’s a curse to be honest, and here I am just a few small years away from retirement still paying the price, and very much afraid.

It’s not fair. Domestic abuse is not acceptable, it affects lives for longer than you can imagine, it’s probably going to be with me way into the afterlife. It’s a life and death sentence. And he is the winner. It’s wrong.

Peace to you all.

One frightened lady and a lot of Hedgehogs

If you had a million dollars to give away, who would you give it to?

At this very moment it would be going to help a very frightened lady in my family, my niece bless her. She’s had problems all her life and has pretty much won every fight despite the odds being against her. She’s now fighting the toughest fight of her life as the Big C has entered the ring, she doesn’t fully understand, and he doesn’t fight fair. I think a million would go quite a way to get her the best treatment possible.

But I haven’t won it, I can’t pay for that treatment so unfortunately the fight goes on. But we’re fighters and we will be beside her all of the way.

Hedgehogs. 🦔

There are so many little hedgehog sanctuaries around the Uk constantly fighting a battle to save and protect this wonderful little creature of the night. They won’t hurt anyone, they do wonders to your garden, however we as a population are killing them just by going about our daily lives, butchering their environment for crappy estates and making their existence intolerable. Now I have regular hog visitors to my garden as it has been built around them. They have easy access to water and food and a section of the garden that I have classed as the wild part where I know they live. I see them in the garden as youngsters in the early part of the year and only last night I saw one of them in the garden and he is now a lovely fully grown male, quite a lump. Earlier this year I had three at the food bowl at the same time, a first for me, probably all from the same family, I believe I posted the video here: And then we had three..

I love to see them grow and I am so proud of myself that I’ve developed an environment that they feel safe in. And that’s the problem. I’m not in the country, I’m in a city with two horrendously busy roads and occasionally I see them as victims. However I’m really surprised that the majority thrive, and seeing now that the suspected hedgehog population is now less than 2 million across the UK (it was 5 times that only a few years ago!) we need to protect them.

Humankind in its worst form wipes other species out without a thought. If a million dollars, pounds or whatever currency you use could help stop this rot then there would be no second thought, I’d do it.

But again I dont have it so I’ll just keep doing my little bit to help these beautiful little beasts.

And a lot of praying 🙏