Tag: anger

The history

Why are we cancelling everything?

What aspects of your cultural heritage are you most proud of or interested in?

In respect of my heritage, history has always fascinated me, and now it annoys me in equal measures.

What fascinates me as it always has, since back in my childhood days, is that I love to know how people worked, lived and managed to survive in a period of time when just one random off the cuff comment could have you accused of many a crime. God forbid if you said anything about the establishment as you’d probably be missing your head before too long.

And the annoying part is that we are in a society where groups of individuals are wanting to cancel everything. People are wanting to wipe out history because they disagree with what happened. That’s history folks! The fact that we don’t (in general, good society, anyway) go around inflicting on the populace accusations of “Witchcraft” “Heresy” and whatever, means we have learned something from that history. We generally don’t make the mistakes of the past as we have become better people and learned from that horrific history that pre dates us all.

She’s right….

I can’t get enough of history, it’s potentially my favourite subject and I will gladly overdose on it in either book or film format. I just love it.

I don’t feel the urge to go and lop off someone’s head, or to take part in hanging, drawing and quartering anyone (not today anyway….) and that’s because we have all learnt, and moved on from those terrible times. We learn from the mistakes of the past, and to wipe out history leaves us in the unenviable position of not knowing the difference between right and wrong, we might as well all go and bury our heads in the sand and just imagine it never happened.

I have news for you Sherlock, it did happen, and as long as we learn, develop and make better then we are being taught by our historical misdemeanours, hopefully to never venture back to those dark old days.

Cancelling solves nothing. In the words of the Jamaican activist- Marcus Garvey,

“A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots”

And he isn’t wrong, I used to have a tee shirt with that on it in my teenage years..

History, it shapes our futures. Don’t cancel it.

Have a superb day…

Love, Anger and Hatred

What would you change about modern society?

Now I’m not going to go on saying what should and shouldn’t be done as I’d only come across as another whingeing old fart. You’d kind of expect in this day and age that everyone would have a sense of what’s good and what’s not, just as we had back in the day. We were mirrors if you like, of the way our parents were brought up and we learned what was good and bad from them. They weren’t always right and sometimes you just had to make minor adjustments to your life to filter out these “not so good” bits of advice and actions.

Anger

See, as you grow you develop your own ideas and definitions of what’s right and wrong. But not everyone is the same, as I’m sure you are all aware.

Everyday the news brings us absolutely awful stories of horror, regarding the way individuals as well as groups treat others, it really is so sad and soul destroying, the depths of depravity fellow humans can sink to. How do they learn this behaviour? Why do they behave in such a way? How do we rid society of this behaviour?

These are questions that have more than likely been asked throughout every generation. It’s always been that way. Horrifying incidents have occurred throughout history and today’s atrocities are no different.

Throughout history it’s been politics and religion, that have been the cause of the majority of issues on this planet, and that is still the case today, but there seems to be no room for bargaining as one side is always right and the other always wrong. That’s how it appears to the outsider looking in.

Now I rarely talk of either, and I’m not going to go into it here, I know that having a discussion regarding either is just like throwing a naked flame into a box of fire crackers and I’m not doing that. I’m just stating the obvious.

I have my views on both and they are private views. I don’t even discuss them with family. I have my faith and that is all that matters.

Modern society seems to have a large vein running through it that often appears to rupture. That vein is anger. You can walk into any town centre and you can just see it, you can feel it, and on some occasions you are subjected to it. Everyone seems so angry.

Mix that together with the two subjects mentioned above and you have a recipe for disaster where large proportions of the population now become targets of extreme hate. Yes the worst word in the world, and one I refuse to use at all has now crept in. Hate. Hate is an awful word, it’s so inflammatory and filled with anger. Please try not to use it, hate is so terminal with no wriggle room. Whereas you can always work with a dislike of something.

My father did awful things to us as a family, that I have touched on in previous posts. I don’t hate him. I dislike and disagree of what he did, but to hate him in my eyes, is just like allowing him to win, and I’m never letting him do that. Even in death he still controls us through what he did to us mentally, but he will never win, I will not allow that.

So if there was one thing I could change in modern society it would probably be getting a hold on Anger somehow. There’s a lot of it about and it is a cancer living amongst us that needs to be eradicated as soon as possible. How? I don’t know, that’s way above my pay grade, but we can all make a start by removing hatred from our own lives. We just don’t need it.

Have a superb day. Stay safe.

Failures and time wasting

Morning all, I hope I find you all well. I must admit I’m only dipping in here at the moment to see what’s going on and to update some old posts. I currently have 16 posts in draft and that’s down from 21 a couple of months back, so I am actually starting to clear the backlog if not at an exceptionally slow pace.

About right….

Failure: I deleted one project last night that had been in draft since May of last year, it was a work in progress and I was hoping to complete it last night when I confirmed the issue was terminal and there was no way it could ever be fixed. It’s a shame as it was a big post and I had learned a lot from it but it just wasn’t to be. I’m not happy at spending so much time on a project just for it to be a failure, and you good people don’t need to see that either. So I’ve just put it down to experience and chalked it off. Today the whole project will be dismantled and parts will be salvaged with the absolute minimum going to scrap.

Time wasting: I don’t know if anyone else out there has experienced the estate agent tourist phenomenon. We’ve had our house up for sale about two weeks now and have so far had a number of people allegedly showing interest. I say allegedly as I think the whole estate agent “thing” is farcical. There used to be a time when you had to prove to the estate agent that you had the funds, or your own property was itself on sale before viewing a property on their books.

Well one of those people who “Viewed” opened up to me by saying he had no intention of buying our house, he didn’t want to buy any house, he and his wife have days out where they just pick an area and go and have a nose around other peoples property. Yes, for them it’s a bloody day out, just like you’d visit a stately home or a pub, they just go to nosey around peoples homes, with absolutely no intention of buying.

To say this kind of boiled my piss is an understatement. The estate agents really got it that day. The bloody cheeky sods. I suggested they sell tickets and maybe we could sell ice creams as the clients came through the door. I don’t think he understood my sarcasm…

Apart from all of this things have just been so busy that unfortunately word press has had to take a back seat. I still get notifications, some very annoying, considering some of my posts have taken weeks, even months to put together someone manages to read about 15 of them in about 30 seconds, serial likers, the one thing I find incessantly annoying about this platform.

Hey ho, I need to go now as you can probably tell I’ve not had a lot of sleep and I’m acting a little out of character. Time to go before I become bitter and twisted.

Have a great day.

No. It’s not just a mirror

There’s a little story that has developed here. Spring cleaning the house today and a mirror appears out of a cupboard and my wife has said,” You don’t need that, that can go.”

The mirror

At this statement I jumped up and unusually for me I gave the wife a firm reply of, “No” and told her it’s not going anywhere, there is a story behind that mirror and I then poured it out to her. Just as I am about to do so now to you all.

The mirror was a purchase from a Sunday magazine sometime in the mid 80s, nothing overly expensive but it always made me smile.

I’d just left home as my father’s abusive behaviour had taken a more violent turn. I was ashamed of myself for deserting my sister and mother, but I was just so fed up of being attacked both physically and mentally that I just snapped and left home.

I was about 18, I sofa surfed for a while, occasionally I sneaked into my workplace at night and slept there, I was all over the place and then found a spare room for rent in a property close by to where I’d originally lived. I had some stability in my life at last and was learning very quickly about moving on in life and the new responsibilities I’d now taken on. I then purchased this mirror, and would smile when I looked into it, it gave me some much needed fun and laughter in my life. Something that had been in very short supply for a while.

Then one night I broke when my sister appeared at the door, to tell me my father was attacking my mother, I grabbed the nearest thing to me that just happened to be a metal pole from an old photographic enlarger and I ran like the wind to their house. I charged up the stairs to their bedroom and stood over my father telling him just how I felt, and what a B***ard he was. I was about to bring that pole down on him when I realised he was in such a drunken stupor, he didn’t even know I was there, but beside him my Mum was reaching out to me weeping and calling my name. What she told me whilst we were embracing there is highly private and will always remain so, the crux of it was that she never wanted me to leave and begged me to come home.

I was back in that house before he’d even sobered up the following day. And that mirror I’d brought was on my bedroom wall where it stayed for a good few years.

I told my wife the story, and that the cheap worthless mirror was a subtle reminder of the time I started to turn my life around. I’d overcome fear of a tyrant and become the protector of the two most important people in my life at that time, my mum and younger sister. And I stayed with them until they both stepped away from this horrific existence.

A cheap mirror it maybe. But it still makes me smile. The wife has now said it must stay and be prominent in the house.

This picture was taken today, look, I’m smiling as I’m deciding where to put it up.

May it see many more smiles.

Just don’t get angry…please

I’ve read a lot lately about anger, and anger management and often ask myself, can it really be addressed? I don’t class myself as having anger issues, I’m more of an impatient person. In my teenage years I really did have anger issues and I put that down to my upbringing, especially my father’s influence upon me. He had vile tempers and when he blew the entire town knew about it, he had one hell of a reputation.

I think I’ve stated before that I have always had this fear of being compared to my father, and as I grow older, people see me now and even comment on how much I look like him. I really dislike this as I don’t want to be compared to, or even be reminded of him. I think I’m losing that battle.

So back to anger management.

I spent 6 hours yesterday working on a single circuit board. It had numerous issues and a raft of problems that needed addressing. 4hrs into it and I was getting a positive signal from it, and things looked promising until, the wiring loom melted. There was an issue that I should have first addressed, a school boy issue, but I jumped ahead of myself and it failed miserably after looking so promising. I’m so annoyed but remained focused.

Melted

I had a second spare board. So set to work on this. I’d learnt the issues from the first board so preparation was a lot easier and within an hour I was at the same point as the previous attempt.

And then I tested it. I had a signal, I had an image, I also had movement on the screen but it was very dim. Apparently on this board the backlight circuit decided to fail and that was it for this attempt. Damn it, I was bordering anger at this point and then I took a small break.

I begged myself to not get angry. What would this achieve, think of something good about today, and then it hit me. I’m failing, but I’m learning. Isn’t that a positive?

I have one more board. I’ve prepared it again to the point of failure of both the previous boards and I will get on to this today, this one took me 30 minutes, my speed is up. Then I stopped for the day.

I slept on it last night and have really thought it through, today I am actually quite pleased with myself as I have gone through what I learned yesterday and the knowledge I have gained from this one job is immense. I could still fail on this third attempt but looking on it positively I now have three boards as spares, I have more knowledge than I did yesterday morning and I’m now determined to accomplish what I set out to do in the first place. I’m not a quitter and this challenge remains just that. A challenge.

But the biggest achievement of the day was that I did not get angry. Anger achieves nothing, it alienates you and upsets others who don’t deserve it. Just because you are having difficulties there is no need to let everyone else know “You can’t handle the pressure”.

My first question in this post was, “Can anger be addressed?” Yes it can, but you as an individual have to deal with it, take a step back, and approach a problem from a different perspective.

We have choices, the two things we have total control over are our thoughts and our actions. We just need to be wiser in how we choose to mange these two choices, for your own personal good and for that of others.

I never want to be angry. I don’t want to be like him. Annoyed is acceptable, just don’t let it fester and develop into something a whole lot worse.

Have a peaceful, pleasant day.

Anger it’s an epidemic

Anger. We experience it every day, we even contribute to it but do we really understand it?

Anger – calm down

In my job I experience it every day, yesterday was a particularly bad day when a simple question, “How did you get in that door?” Brought a protracted rant and so much anger that I felt in danger of being assaulted at one point. I just had to walk away as the person in question had done a full nought to crazy in about 2 seconds. And for the last 24hrs all I’ve been asking myself is why? A simple question did not warrant such a reply and I was shocked.

Apart from that there is anger everywhere. On the roads, in public areas and retail environments just to mention a few. But why?

The gene or whatever that controls fight or flight seems to have become stuck in fight mode just like a switch that has malfunctioned. Everyone believes their understanding is the right one and they will not move from that stance. The ability to reason has disappeared and no one wants to lose face. That’s an issue, as you are a better person if you attempt to understand, absorb, consider and then give a constructive opinion on what is occurring.

But this ability has been leapfrogged and just does not appear to be used anymore. It is as if you are a winner if you can be the most abusive, loudest and the least unreasonable person within the issue.

You are not.

I don’t class myself as weak for walking away and not escalating issues, I try to calm an issue down, but sometimes it is as if the individual has so much angst and venom that has built up over time, that you are the one who unfortunately gets both barrels. Trying to reason with people like this is like giving them a cannon, it’s aimed right at you and the anger increases. You start to feel angry yourself, mainly through the frustration of not being listened to.

That’s it, the art of reasoning has gone. Oh how I wish for the days of constructive disagreement where every party had a say and could agree to disagree without violence and threats to life.

Why I feel this way after 24 hrs is just me. I pick over things too intently, I question myself on how I could have handled things better and then come to the conclusion that I did everything right. I now ask the question of “Why was there such an anger directed at me” for a simple question, and despite a lot of deep thought I just can’t give an honest answer. And I don’t want to get into the head of a person who obviously has deeper issues. I’m just pleased I walked away from this as I dread to think what the outcome could have been.

I haven’t answered my own question of, “why are people so angry” but I’ve offered some opinions. Reasoning or the ability to, or even the lack of ability is at the crux of the issue in my sincere opinion, and it’s getting worse as time moves on.

Is reasoning taught, or is it something we learn socially as we move on in our lives?

Maybe anger management courses need to become a staple of modern social behaviours and understanding.

Have a peaceful and anger free day.

Thanks, again

I have already thanked everyone on 26th January this year for your kind support on getting me up to 100 subscribers on this site. It really is appreciated and today I need to thank you again on getting me to a 10k views notification.

Thank you 🙏

I’m not a consistent blogger as my posts vary greatly, I know there is quite a range in quality but I make no apologies for that. I’ve always suffered with quite severe mood swings due to a number of factors that I won’t dwell on here, and this site was created as an extension of the journal I used to write at home. That journal had some extremely worrying matter in it and I always encouraged my wife to read it, (As I’m a bloke who doesn’t openly talk) and as a result she pulled me out of some deep ravines and I am eternally grateful to her for that. That said I decided to take the Journal one step further and it is now online for all my family as well as you good souls to see. As a result you will see the good and the not so good, but believe me I am in a much better place for having you all around me.

Thanks for just being there, you will never understand just how much it helps.

And yes, I do talk more and I suggest everyone who is suffering in silence breaks that mould, and talks to someone. Do not please suffer in silence. And I’m always here to lend a listening ear.

Eternal thanks to each and every one of you.

Peace 🙏

It’s unconditional

Can you share a positive example of where you’ve felt loved?

It was the 14th February 2018. Happy Valentine’s Day. I was told I had a cancerous tumour.

I was numb. We went out the following day for a lovely walk and all we did was discuss the elephant in the room throughout that whole trip. Even looking at the photos of that day I can see the false smile on my face as well as the concern on my wife’s.

False smile, worry in her eyes, not a good day

I went into serious withdrawal from life, as I knew it. I suffered severe depression. I didn’t share my feelings with the one person who knew me best. I kept it all to myself and it was all too much, I broke down. It was my problem, I’ll deal with it. But I couldn’t. I needed help.

That one person, sat beside me, she cried with me and she comforted me. She cuddled me. She stayed with me and she didn’t let me go.

It was at that point I experienced absolute unconditional love. There was a warmth that went through me, it’s as if she had taken all my worries and concerns and put them away for me, I’ve always said she’s an angel and she has this amazing ability to take away my problems and make my whole life better.

And I didn’t even share my feelings with her. That’s so wrong. I felt so guilty.

Guess what, I share absolutely everything with her now, nothing is held back, the silly issues, the concerns and worries. And you know what, her arms encase me again, that love flows through me as it always does and has done. I feel nothing but love, and it is my life’s task to ensure she feels just the same.

We beat the big C, or should I say it’s at the back of our minds and doesn’t overwhelm us anymore. When we talk about it we use the name “Fred”. The “C” word is no longer used in our home. It’s banished. It’s a horrible word, and my lovely lady did this to make our life less stressful.

My Angel. My Wife. My life.

Peace.

Anger and hate – Why?

I’m not going to answer today’s daily prompt as WordPress sometimes asks some quite pathetic questions. Who really cares what my 5 favourite foods are or what the last things are that I did for play purposes. If you want to get some good interactions then ask about real life issues, if you want to know what someone has had for dinner then mosey on over to Fakebook or one of its sibling sites.

Today I’m talking Anger and hate, as I’ve experienced it big time in the last few days and I don’t really understand why.

I work hard. Very hard and it’s a thankless task at times. In my job I have to keep transport moving and people safe, however, occasionally one collapses and the other suffers. A young girl with serious issues, had this week presented herself, wandering out onto high speed train lines wearing just pyjamas bringing the system to a halt. I’m one of the first on scene, I arrange protection for everyone ensuring that trains aren’t moving near us and we then go about the task of recovering her and getting her to a place of safety. We achieve this and after a short while she is taken away and given support from a medical team. She is safe, it is all that matters, a life has been saved and it’s about as good as a day gets, but then I meet members of the public who’s travel plans have been ever so slightly disrupted, and it is disturbing and disgusting what I now experience.

“Why didn’t you just let her get hit by the train?”

“She’s ruined my F***ing day as I’m now late”

“People like that deserve to die”

I could go on, and the personal abuse I received questioning my parentage was not much better. It was pure bile and hate and that is why I ask why is there so much anger and hate about today?

What have we become as a society when your lives are arranged in such a way that a small delay brings out the absolute worst in you.

Why is so much anger present in society, even I walked away from this situation and wondered why I had even bothered.

I never use the word “Hate” anyone in my family will tell you that, and I will always pull someone up when they use that word. It’s an awful word, and there is far too much of it in this world. Dislike is a simpler word and can always be worked upon to improve a situation. It’s always easier to turn dislike into something more positive, however hate is a cancerous word that that can rarely be eliminated, it poisons the mind and very quickly kills all manner of rationality.

I work alone, I help get teams together to achieve common goals, the main one being to get transport from point “a” to point “b” safely. Sometimes we are challenged and have to work hard to achieve this goal, but we are always doing our very best. We work in the background and you probably wouldn’t even see us on a daily basis keeping everyone safe, but we are always there, always looking out for issues. Always looking out for you.

But it seems there is (hopefully a minority) an underbelly of society who are so selfish, that they are a danger to their fellow humans, they seem to have lost all reasoning, and common decency and this seems to be eating away at our core values as a social and caring society.

It’s been a tough week and I dare say on the run up to Christmas and just beyond that we will, experience more of these incidents. But guess what?

I will be there, I will do my job, I will put an arm around each of these individuals ( if they allow me) and tell them that I care and that I will be with them whilst they are my responsibility, they need this. I will think about them, no doubt for a long time after the incident and wish them all the very best.

For the irate passenger though I will feel sorrow, for the way they feel and act, and I will dislike that, however they can easily change their ways and become that better person.

Be that better person yourself, don’t hate upon anyone and just try to make life that much better for someone less fortunate, you just don’t know what they are going through.

You will feel a warmth in your body that you may never have felt before. That’s peace and contentment. Spread that feeling, this old world needs a lot more of it.

Have a safe and happy day.

Stop fighting Demons

What could you do more of?

Now there’s a very open question.

  • Give more to charity?
  • Be happy?
  • Have time off?
  • Spread joy and happiness throughout the world? YAWN 🥱

There is so much we could do more of, personally it has always been a challenge for me to be a better version of what I am. My good lady challenges me regularly asking why I think this, and to be honest I just look back at my father and compare myself to him, he was a nasty horrible man.

She keeps telling me there is no comparison and I’m nothing like him, but to me I can see comparisons and that’s what I don’t like. That’s why I challenge myself to be better than him, and constantly try to do more of that.

He’s been dead getting on for twenty years now, and he haunts me to this day.

I could certainly do more of dropping the demons and getting on with what I have left. It’s a fight.

And it looks like that’s what I’m destined to do, more fighting.

Be kind to all you meet today. Have a great day.