If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?
As I’m sure, anyone at all that pays any attention to what is written in these posts, will know we lost our best friend Alf, our beloved pet dog on 16th August last year. There’s probably a lot of you out there who are probably saying,“ For gods sake man just get on with it”.
Easier said than done I’m afraid. If you read the facts and figures, animal grief is just so real, especially in an animal loving country such as ours.
I’ve never really experienced it in such a manner before, but this time we’ve really struggled. I think I summed it up at its peak here: Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔 . There are a number of other posts about him but this one sums up the raw feelings when we lost him.
We’ve never been able to have children in our life, it’s complicated. Especially when you spend your life with the most wonderful woman who would have made the most fantastic mother, it really is heartbreaking to see her interactions with children and the love she shows them. Then in the quiet moments I really see how it affects her. All I can do is comfort her.
Alf – our little fellah
This is where Alf strolls in. He was to us, what was always out of reach, a kind of surrogate if you like. It was fate how we found him and he had the starring role in our lives for eleven beautiful years.
To answer the question: If I could make my pet understand one thing? It would be:
You were our love, our confidante our life. Our most precious companion. And we miss you so much.
Yes it’s more than one thing I know. But when a kindly loving soul enters your life and has such an effect on it, you just can’t label them with one singular credit, one word, It just can’t be done.
Life is a strange voyage. Sometimes when you can’t have something, you are blessed with the most perfect alternative. I believe we were blessed. His time came and he had to move on. I just hope some where, another couple who have maybe suffered similar issues as we did, are now experiencing some wonderful “Alfie” time. That little fellah truly had wings.
Do you spend more time thinking about the future or the past? Why?
Anyone who reads anything on this site will know I am a glass half full kind of guy, most of the time.
Do I think about the future? I plan like most people and that’s about it, I don’t really dwell on the future as i kind of have a tomorrow never comes attitude. I’ve developed a live for today way of life because too much sorrow and heartbreak has hit me in the past, and what you have today, may well be taken from you tomorrow, so take what you have now and cherish and appreciate whatever that may be, as the future is a thief that steals everything of importance from you.
Do I think about the past? Again, I try not to dwell on it but when you are a fan of most things “antique” it’s hard. Fantastic memories and people you have met along the way, why would you not reminisce on how they have shaped your life. If you have loved, it’s built on what has happened in the past and determines how you feel about that relationship in the present.
So in summary I am a thinker of the past and present. Life is a precious gift, what’s the point of worrying yourself about the future, we all know what the outcome is. Enjoy what you have had and what you have at this moment. That’s all that matters.
Personally my biggest influences amount to no more than a few people and one profession. Let me explain.
My Mother, she went through absolute hell in a marriage where she was beaten, abused and used like a carpet. I did my best as a child to protect her and like to think I did that well. She was still being abused well into her Seventies by a horrible jealous man who masqueraded as a husband. I dislike that man, as I have previously stated in a previous post I am unable to hate, I feel sorry for him and I’m sure he received his judgement when he passed over. At least I hope he did. Mother taught me patience and kindness, i absolutely love and adore my mother, and this week was the 20th anniversary of her passing.
My wife. She has this year kept the family together, she has saved a friend from harm. She has rescued that friend from the precipice, cared for her, seen she gets helped and spoken with her four or five times on a daily basis until that friend has been repaired, and brought herself back to a place where she is happy. My wife continues to impress me and make me so proud as she is a wonderful, beautiful soul that I believe was put on this earth to help people. She was unable to be a mother, something she would have truly excelled in, but she treats every child as her own and has beautiful relationships with youngsters, she guides and protects, she really should have wings on her back as I’m sure she was put here to serve that purpose. I am so proud of her and I know I have been gifted her presence for a short while, and I so appreciate that, I am a very fortunate person. And I so love her.
Anyone who teaches. You are very special and underrated individuals who deserve so much. I was most fortunate to meet the most influential man in my life who was a teacher : My Primary school teacher. Anyone that teaches deserves the utmost praise and respect, it is these unselfish individuals that shape this world and shape individuals into respectable members of society. You make the people who will go forward and shape this world. You make the world a better place. Anyone who just offers good advice and comfort to someone should pat themselves on the back.
We all have a role in society, we can all influence someone.
Have a peaceful day, have a wonderful holiday period no matter what your faith is or where your beliefs lay. Be that better person. Peace.
I love walking but over the last 18 months or so I’ve not done so much. I don’t mean everyday walking, I do loads of that especially at work, I mean the type of walking where you set a route, go out, get some good thinking time, clear the cobwebs from your head and get back to nature.
I used to walk miles when we had our dog Alf, but as he aged and became increasingly unwell my own health started to decrease as the purpose and need started to dwindle.
We regularly did the walk 1000 mile challenge over the course of a year and we both loved it.
Alf wearing our Walk 1000 miles medal
He loved his walks
As we now move on up to Christmas, my wife has gone out for breakfast with her friends, I have work later today but I’ve told her I’m going to retrace some of our old walks and maybe pop in to have breakfast somewhere and I’m really looking forward to that now. I don’t know, it’s just that sometimes you just need a good old kick in the pants to get motivated and moving, today may well be that day.
My walk
I did what I said I’d do and clocked up a nice 3.6mile walk at a slow pace, just as I would have done if I had my mate with me as he would be stopping every few yards for a sniff. I took his lead with me today the first time I’d carried it since he passed on the 16th August. I must admit I was a wreck and had tears in my eyes all the way round, so many beautiful memories came flooding back, I miss him so much.
I carried his lead, only one thing missing….
There is an old saying:
Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see life with a clearer view again.”
Anon
And I believe this is true. There is no shame in being emotional, and what with it today, being the 20th anniversary of my mother’s passing, it is going to be a highly emotional day for me. To love and be loved is an amazing gift to possess, and to be given, but it hurts like hell when it is taken away. A lot of tears however have been shed recently and the view has not yet cleared. Here’s hoping and praying for better days.
Quiet roads today
I walked the routes we always walked, refusing to take shortcuts or to go down roads where we never used to venture, that would have been cheating him, holding his lead was strange but also comforting.
Stop for a breakNice coffee
We stopped at a new Cafe strangely called “Cafe 55” I had a lovely coffee and a breakfast roll. It had a lovely atmosphere and was a nice clean environment. When I got the bill I realised where it obtained its name from as it seems to be 55% more expensive than anywhere else in the area. That aside, it was a pleasant stop over.
The last mile home allowed me to get myself together, a nice cuddle from the wife when I arrived home is always appreciated. We talked, again, we both shed tears, then realised just how fortunate we are for what we have, and for what we have been blessed with in the past.
Life is a puzzle, but once you have the borders sorted, it all starts to fall into place one small piece at a time.
It was a lovely walk. It needs to happen more. And it will.
What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?
That has to be ending the life of a much loved and cherished member of the family, a pet.
In our married life we have had three wonderful little Bichon Frise dogs, who we have rightly or wrongly treated as our children, they have wanted for nothing and had the best that we could bestow on them. We have never had children as we can’t, we obviously upset someone in a previous life and that privilege and pleasure has been taken away from us. We needed surrogates and the dogs were those stand ins. We were very happy.
There comes a time where you have to let go, you notice changes in an animals behaviour, the little whimpers, the constant sleep and the inability to do things, the little looks you get and the realisation that their quality of life is deteriorating. Decisions have to be made.
That final journey to the vets, me driving, my wife cuddling the little package on the back seat and the fight to see through the flood of tears that are clouding your eyes.
The vets bench, the dogs wagging his tail, he’s ok you think, but he’s not. The injection to subdue him, he rests, the second injection and then he’s gone.
The lonely drive home knowing you have left a family member behind, the sadness you are going to feel everyday going forward.
The little things you miss, the what ifs? that suddenly come to mind and the guilt you feel for ending a perfect little life.
We’ve done that three times now and it hurts so damned much, I don’t think we will ever be able to do it again as the pain is just unbearable.
Life is full of hard decisions, but when it ends in the death of a much loved companion, I just don’t think there are many such decisions that are harder to make.
It’s been 5 days since my last post in the journal. It continues to be a lonely old week as the wife is still away at our friend’s house. Health wise she is now getting the attention that she needed, a care plan is in place and her support network is now better than it ever was. Fingers crossed it’s all looking positive with the occasional wobble.
Living apart for a short while really makes you appreciate what you have, it also brings a dose of reality as you experience what some people have no control over, makes you think.
Just one more shift at work and I can drive down to see them both on Friday morning, I’m really excited about that.
Been a strange week at work, a lady threw herself under a train as a train was passing through at 90mph, the call went up for our response and the controller informed us we had one under a train. However that train passed over her, and she got up after it had passed and climbed back on the platform. I have never seen anything like it, the amount of equipment that hangs under these trains would normally rip you to pieces. How the heck she survived this and lived to tell the tale is a mystery to me. Needless to say we breathed a sigh of relief as we were not going to be needed to collect what was left of her. I believe she is resident at a local mental health unit, we have far too many of these issues on our route with those that are seriously unwell. It’s getting worse.
(Amended 31/10 unfortunately the same lady was successful in her attempt to end her life today. I feel sorry for my colleagues and I who were heavily involved, we didn’t need to be brought into this issue but we unfortunately were. She got what she wished for. I hope she has found peace)
I’ve purchased a few items to repair this week, all items that will be going on the site in the coming weeks. I have about a dozen draft posts awaiting completion, most of them are still awaiting parts before I can finish them off. I’ve also brought myself a new Multimeter, the previous one (good though it was) has been giving some spurious readings of late, so I thought it was time for an upgrade. Should be a game changer for me as there’s a multitude of other tests this one is capable of that the older one wasn’t.
Enjoy Halloween if that’s your thing, Here in the East Midlands it’s Diwali being celebrated this week so if that’s your thing – Happy Diwali – Stay safe. Be happy.
It’s probably been about a week since my last entry in the journal. My wife is still down south with our friend who is unwell, she has seen the doctor and it now appears she has started the road to recovery. My wife suspects she will be there another week as they have a return visit with medical staff next Thursday and she wants to be there to ensure she has support and that everything is well prior to her leaving. We are meeting friends in London for dinner on Friday so once I finish work on Thursday night it will be a few hours sleep prior to me heading south to pick her up, take her for a hair appointment and then on to our hotel, then out to dinner. To say I’m looking forward to this is an understatement.
We don’t have a big house but it has seemed massive these past few days. This is the first time my wife has been away and left me totally alone. I normally have Alf here to keep me occupied but he has gone, and the whole house now seems so empty. You notice creaks and clunks you weren’t aware of before, the mind plays some cruel tricks at times.
I’ve been to the local hospice and handed over the lovely items our friend down south donated, and they were over the moon. I think they will make some good money from those items. It’s a good feeling to walk out of these places knowing that you are helping people who genuinely are at a time in their lives when they need it the most.
Work has been busy, the autumn effect is in full force and we are fighting to keep the train lines safe and moving. It doesn’t help with thieves stealing large amounts of cable rendering safety systems useless. They put their lives as well as others at risk, and it inconveniences everyone. Well I guess it at least keeps me in a job.
I’ve purchased a couple of items to repair, and these will be going on the site shortly.
It’s been a busy few days, so replying to WordPresses daily prompts hasn’t been high on the agenda, even though i was tempted by a few but just didn’t have the time. Since we got back from London it’s pretty much been all work, the weather as per usual has been awful and it’s all been about removing trees, cows and trespassers from the lines throughout the East Midlands.
We’ve been to look at some new houses. We’re not looking at leaving the county, we are just looking at moving about 12 miles or so into the countryside as the city is getting busier and noisier. I know it goes against a post i made a week or two ago when i stated that i had fantastic neighbours, that remains true, but when health and welfare and progression of ailments are moving faster than you do, these options have to be taken into consideration. It’s not for definite yet, but as each day passes another reason to up sticks and move on presents itself. I don’t suspect anything will progress until the middle of next year but who knows.
Today i had to take an unplanned trip back to London as our friend has taken a bit of a turn and i have had to get my wife back down there to keep an eye on her. I’ve had to come back home as I have work commitments, I’m suspecting she will be down there a week or so, we will miss each other immensely but sometimes there are more important concerns, and at this moment our friend needs us and we will be there for her. The journey back was interesting, just look at this idiot that doesn’t know how to use a wing mirror on the M25 Motorway! I’ve muted the audio as I wasn’t very complimentary.
Just an idiot on the M25
It’s strange being at home on your own, I’ve always been used to having my four legged side kick – Alfie, at my side whenever the wife has been out or away. Today is a first for me as i have neither and its hit me, it’s another one of those awful “first time” reminders you get whenever you lose a loved one. We think we’ve been having little reminders and visitations now, please don’t judge us, we are not crackers but little things have happened that just make us smile. There are probably very reasonable explanations but we don’t want that, and we like what we hear and see. It’s comforting, and in a world of utter misery you have to grab whatever bit of joy you can lay your hands on. Here’s a picture of the boys in the week, and for a brief moment the sun was in such a position to position a rainbow effect above them. This was a special and lovely moment for us.
For a moment…a rainbow
I’ve purchased a number of random ridiculous items to repair and these will be posted as articles over the coming weeks.
So for the moment we are up to date. There are a lot of calls going on between here and London, along with a lot of thoughts and prayers as well.
Stay safe, and check up on your older neighbours and family. They are a stubborn and proud generation and hate to ask for help. Be one step ahead and offer it without them asking.
This is a long post and for that I apologise, it will encompass the whole of the six day visit “dahn sarf” we have made to spend time with a dear friend.
We arrived in Sunbury on Friday, and made our way straight to my wife’s friend’s house. a cup of tea and some small cakes as predicted and all was going well. We then had to take her for a medical appointment where my wife was her chaperone whilst I browsed the shops in the high street and ventured into what i suspect is the most expensive cafe in town. If I’d looked at the clientele as I entered or at the number of expensive handbags behind the counter belonging to the staff I’d have had an idea that this was going to cost me. £7.30 for an average Latte later I felt suitably robbed and assaulted, lesson learnt.
Today I fixed the toilet that wasn’t filling correctly and checked a coffee machine that wasn’t drawing water at all, surveyed some blinds that are beyond repair and made plans to get these replaced. Ordered a new cord for a pull light and then went into town to get us all a nice evening meal. We didn’t actually get into our hotel until 21:30 despite arriving here at about 13:00 hrs, whilst quickly booking in to get our keys when they were both at the medical appointment. Tomorrow I think I’m putting in a new shower rail and spray attachment and a few other little jobs that need doing. I’ll list them as the trip progresses. At the hotel we finished the evening with a nice pint and a prosecco whilst sitting in a quaint lounge listening to some nice old music from years gone by. It was a lovely wind down to a hectic first day.
Day two:
Well, the shower is fixed, but our dear friend is suffering. I had been warned by my wife that she is not the person we used to know, that she was suffering psychologically but I refused to believe it. 24hrs later and I am shocked, worried for her and genuinely upset at what I am seeing, our friend is changing in front of our very eyes. All along my wife has been at her side throughout and has been her comfort, she’s just so good at what she can do, and today that’s pretty much been everything. We’ve eaten well and she has been with us for every meal so we can see she is at least eating. It’s been an awful day to be honest, everything just pales into insignificance and it is horrible to leave her when we go back to our hotel.
Day three:
Today I’ve fixed the coffee machine, cleaned and refilled a water feature and changed the filters, all looks lovely. We’ve kept our friend busy today and occupied, shredding years of no longer needed paperwork and it’s been nice to see a glimpse of how we remember her. I’m sure her illness centres on loneliness and boredom. A lovely fish and chip supper and all seems well.
Day four:
The town of Weybridge in Surrey where we are currently residing is high brow beyond belief. We are talking charity shops that have Jimmy Choo shoes, Chanel handbags and Prada clothing, it’s another world. Charity shops here smell of expensive perfume not the dank smell of second hand and old jumble sales that you experience elsewhere.
What’s annoying is when you pop into the local Waitrose to buy some water and cakes and you are followed around by security staff. Anyway, the wife took the security guard to one side along with the manager and told them what she thought of them and how they made us feel, they don’t call her the Rottweiler for nothing. I think we’ll pop back in there tomorrow so she can growl at them again.
This area is just so…. Snooty, I’m bloody glad I moved out of the London area and now live amongst the decent, friendly non judgemental people of the East Midlands. This is the first time I’ve really witnessed the class thing, I must have witnessed it when I lived in the area but was never really that aware of it, maybe I was an inverted snob, and I’ve had to move away to realise it. It stinks, and I’m glad I’m away from it now. I don’t like it and it’s not necessary. It costs nothing to smile and be friendly and courteous, but the good folk of Weybridge don’t seem to be capable of basic niceties. No wonder modern society has issues when we still have Dickensian attitudes amongst us.
LOROS our local hospice
Anyway rant over I’ve taken an elderly lady for a wig fitting at one of the film studios, that was an experience, i’ve shredded a further mountain of old paperwork and have also taken some rubbish to the local tip. We’ve been gifted a stack of good items that we will be bringing home for our local hospice in Leicester (LOROS), they will appreciate this and it will raise some well needed funds for them, let’s say we are doing a bit of a Robin Hood and taking from the rich to give to the needy.
Day five:
Has started with a return to the shop above for some pastries, all seems well today and we were left to shop in peace. Here’s hoping it was a one off. We’ve take our friend to an appointment today and she is exceptionally nervous and anxious. Our visit this week has been building up to this and we are both mentally drained as a result of the amount of talking and reassurance we have had to give. But you know what? We are fine with this as our friend is in great need and it the least we can do. There will be plenty of time to rest when she is better. The important thing is to ensure she gets the help she requires before we head back north. And that is the difficult part.
And our appointment was semi successful but we have a way to go just yet. Baby steps as they say, there is a dim light at the end of a very long tunnel. We will get her there. Today I told my wife how proud I am of her, I don’t say it enough. The way she has dealt with every issue that has been thrown at her this week has been amazing. Just watching her has been a privilege and a pleasure. She truly is an amazing human being, and I am just so proud of her.
Day six:
We’re heading home later today and overall it’s been a semi successful trip, we still have a very unwell friend here, but we’ve set the wheels in motion and only time will tell. We’ve put things in place that should comfort and assist, and a care plan has been drawn up. I won’t say that it’s been a holiday, far from it, but it’s been nice to visit and help someone and that’s what is important. My wife continues to impress me with her ability to handle these awkward and sometimes concerning situations, but I guess that’s just her training and knowledge from dealing with such situations in the past. I am very proud of her.
I guess we will be heading back sometime around 2 pm so that we don’t hit the rush hour in all the big towns we pass through, I have a day off tomorrow when I will take all we have gathered here to the local hospice in Leicester, and then I’m back into work throughout the weekend and beyond. Hopefully my postings from now onwards will be a little more concise and less lengthy.
It’s been a hectic week work wise, I’ve been on the night shift and whilst everyone has been sleeping I’ve been out on the lines ensuring everything is good for morning start up. Apart from the relentless rain we’ve been having, it’s definitely getting colder out there and I’ve noticed the trees are shedding their leaves a lot sooner than they did in last year’s mild autumn.
I managed to get hold of a good plumber who came around to fix the leaky radiator valve we had, a nice lad and very quick, in and out in about 30 mins, easy job for someone who knows what they are doing. Proof will be when the heating goes on, but I don’t foresee any issue. A good contact that has duly been added to the phone book.
Sunbury on Thames
We’re off for another adventure of sorts, heading down to visit my wife’s elderly friend in Sunbury on Thames, a lovely town with lots of history surrounding it. I’m going to be busy doing some odd jobs that she’s been saving up for me, so to be honest I’m going to be as happy as a pig in s**t to coin a phrase. No doubt the visit will involve plenty of cake and tea, we really look forward to these visits as she is a wonderful individual. She’s struggling with things at the moment, but that is where my wife is the best friend you could possibly have, listening to the pair of them talk I realise just how lucky I am to be with a person like her, she is so good and understanding of other people. I guess her time and experience working with dementia patients in hospitals and care homes has given her this gift. She really should have wings, she is an angel truly.
Tonight’s my last night shift prior to driving down tomorrow, I’m kind of hoping tonight’s shift won’t be too demanding but I lay money on it, as I’m planning an early departure towards London tomorrow it will be a hectic one.
Fingers crossed 🤞 but we will see what arises.
I’ll give another update in a few days once I’ve got some of my chores under my belt.
Foxes Den 
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