A simple recording from 22 years ago, takes me to the breast of the only other woman I have loved. Mother.
What’s one thing you own that holds deep sentimental value?
My dear mum, bless her, passed away in December of 2004, she’d had a hard life living at the beck and call of an evil presence, that being the man known as my father.
One day around Christmas a year or two prior to her passing, they came around to mine and my wife’s property where we had dinner and a few drinks. I had at this point been brought a small dictaphone tape recorder, one of those little portable recorders that were all the rage around the late 90s early 2000s.
Sitting in my living room, and slightly influenced by her choice of tipple, mum started singing to a tune on the radio, that song was “Smoke gets in your eyes” by the group – The Platters. The record button was pushed on that little dictaphone, and there is the one thing that I own that holds the most sentimental value to me.
If ever I am low, feeling out of sorts, in need of some nostalgic revival, in go a couple of new batteries and my mums beautiful, comforting “Slightly tipsy” vocal range comes floating back to me. She was happy, relaxed, and very much loved, and in that one fleeting moment I can hear my mum, with not a care in the world, and that was a very rare occurrence due to the imposing, controlling and angry man that always accompanied her.
I suppose one good sentiment always has to have a bad one to counteract it. Even in death that man is a controlling, cowardly individual.
I had an incident last week where a car was hit by a train. There is good stress and toxic stress. Guess which one is the hardest to handle?
How do you manage stress?
There is good stress and toxic stress. This post will try to get across my point on how a recent incident created a different level of stress, it was good stress.
As I have stated in the past, my job is to keep people off of the train tracks and to keep trains on them. Quite a simplistic view, the official job title is a little grander but I’ll just keep it simple in this case. One day last week I was working nights, when early in the shift I get a radio call stating that there had been a train versus car incident at a road crossing in the region. Stress levels in this incident hit 100% in a micro second as you just don’t know what you are about to witness. I’m a good 20 minutes away and all of a sudden my phones, my radio and emails are now going into meltdown as I am now being supplied with a flood of information as well as the world and his wife trying to make contact with me. I’m not allowed to answer calls whilst driving, it’s against company policy, and if I was to answer a call my Job would be in jeopardy, even more stress has now taken a perch on my already burdened shoulder’s. A quick call, whilst in a lay-by with the engine off, I confirm my ETA to the emergency services and inform them I cannot answer further calls until I am on site, I confirm that an emergency block of all lines has been implemented and that they can access the area, cautiously.
What greeted me on site
Arriving on site, I’m met with a scene of numerous flashing emergency lights and emergency workers moving all over the place and as soon as I’m out of the door I have a queue of people waiting for a piece of me, I can’t see the car, the fire officer tells me it is a quarter of a mile down the line, I ask the welfare of the driver and am told she has gotten out ok and is sitting just to the side of me. A collective sigh of relief is given that no one has lost their life. This lady I’m sure, is very aware of just how lucky she has been this evening.
My first calls are to the signaller ensuring I have a full official block of all lines to ensure the rescue effort can begin, when this is in place, the work can really begin in earnest.
Now I go back to the subject of this post, how do you handle stress? Stress takes many forms, there is that stress that we just let build up inside of us, sometimes overwhelming you to such an extent that you do not want to even leave the house, this is toxic stress, it’s probably the hardest to understand just because we don’t know how it has built to this extent in the first place. The other stress is the immediate stress that comes when an incident is put upon you that requires your total attention. Now I have been trained throughout my career to deal with this sort of incident and I like to think I can handle it considerably well, just reading the feedback from last weeks incident that I have received confirms that for me.
However the first example of stress, the toxic one, that I have highlighted above, I have had no training with and I suffer with that immensely, as do many other people in this big old world. How do I handle that? To be honest I don’t handle it very well, I struggle to be honest, it gets to me, it incapacitates me at times and it’s where my hobbies can sometimes help, but not always.
I have always believed in the old adage of work to live, not live to work and have always tried to separate my work life from my home life. I have been very successful with that however, I sometimes have to resort to the way I handle inherited stress as above, into the way I handle the overwhelming every day toxic stresses of life. Therefore there is some bleed of my work life coming into my private life, I’m aware of it, and it’s probably just me resorting to a way of handling stress that I’m more familiar with and that I know truly works.
I’m in my 60’s now, I think I handle the poisonous stress better than I did, but it is still there and it is always a bane to me. I’ve tried many ways and techniques of eradicating it, but though some methods show short time gains, they only last a short time and the old black dog creeps back into my life again and the age old need to chase it away starts all over again. I am very fortunate that I have a loving wife and family who know when I am in a bad place, they are sometimes all I need to chase the stress demons away, and for that I am very lucky. I know not everyone has that support and I am so appreciative of it.
Back to the incident.
Allegedly the lady was listening to her Sat Nav that told her to take a sharp right that unfortunately took her straight onto the train lines. No sooner had she realised her mistake and put that car into reverse she had noticed that the barriers had lowered and that a train was approaching her at speed. She was able to exit the car to safety just as an empty stone freight train weighing in at 500 tons hit her car and took it a quarter of a mile down the track in emergency braking mode.
The train, with just a few scrapesThe car was not as fortunate
The outcome was good. No one was injured apart from some serious shock I’d guess, and we were able to get the lines back open for services in the early hours of the following morning. It took a big team of personnel, a lot of stress to get completed but it was what I call good stress.
If only toxic stress was as easy to eradicate.
I wish you all well, stay safe. And don’t follow Sat Nav instructions religiously.
I write for me. For my family. It’s a journal. But feel free to dive in…
How do you write what people actually want to read?
I don’t really worry about what others want to read. I write what I want, if others choose to read what I write then it’s a bonus, but an altogether rare event.
I’ve always written as a journal for my self, that has always been the case. Those who have knowledge of why I write, will realise that every thing here is an extension of the journal I used to write whilst going through hard times. I opened up my journal to my family and this is the platform I chose for them to be able to check in on me. So whilst being respectful and appreciative to those who do pop in and read my ramblings, it was never meant to be that way and as stated was just a way for my family to keep tabs on my wellbeing, and in that respect it has worked very well.
And with my repairs, it is an ongoing work of reference for me as well.
So those pesky “bulk” likers who like about 20 different posts in 30 seconds, just for the hell of it would never know just what this whole set up is about, and to be honest they can just go and take a running jump as they would never really understand.
But like i stated at the beginning, I write for me, my family and that is about it. Anyone else who tags along is most welcome, and appreciated. But at the end of the day this is about me, and I’m pretty basic and boring at the best of times. You are looking into a wellbeing journal, expect some harsh truths, opinions and ramblings. That’s about the cruxt of it all.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. it serves a purpose. It is not a fanzine.
Rest. Recharge batteries and don’t surround yourself with other people’s dramas.
Well, for two weeks at least, and then back to a normal service 😂
And my wife is in full silly mode at the moment. Asks for a taste of my iced tea only to comment, “ugghh that’s horrible, it tastes like cold tea” a real hand palm moment 🤦♂️
We will never be rich financially. But we are wealthy beyond belief in other ways.
How does your mindset affect your financial success?
Says it all
Me and the wife will never be financially “rich”. We both enjoy spending what we have worked bloody hard for over the last 40 years or so, and we kind of enjoy the fruits of our labour.
If we get money we spend it, we love treating others. I just wish others could see the joy that gives to us.
Whilst the wider family berate us for giving items away to charities, when we could have made some money through one dodgy selling platform or another, they don’t quite understand the pleasure we get in helping some other less fortunate soul out.
I think the difference is that we’ve been there. So down on our luck that we didn’t know where the next meal was coming from. We were so good at disguising our situation that no one really knew just how bad things were.
But, about 30 years ago we turned a corner. Luck came in the guise of a job that I worked my butt off to get, and from that time on we have never looked back.
We are not well off, don’t misunderstand me. However we are comfortable, we have experienced extreme lows and come through it all. That’s why I’m happy to give stuff away, if it helps someone up a challenging step in their life, then that is fine by me.
As I said at the beginning, we may never be rich financially, but for the wife and i, we are rich beyond belief in love, appreciation, and experience. And if we can pass it on, and give someone else that step up then so be it. The jobs a good un.
A lovely weekend with family, inappropriate headwear and exceedingly hot sauce, and beer. And talk of weddings.
It’s been a lovely weekend with family and friends staying with us. It’s been sun all the way on what is a bank holiday weekend in the UK, but as is tradition here, the closer it gets to bank holiday Monday, the rain is starting to arrive.
And it caught me out last night when I had to make it to the garage to get some beer, for my guests as stocks were getting low, my headwear was highly inappropriate for the weather. See this small video below:
A box is highly inappropriate in wet conditions. Leading to moments of total blindness.
A box is probably not the most appropriate headwear in wet weather, it gets soggy and when it falls over your eyes causes temporary blindness when you are trying to put the key in the lock. Yes I was a fool.
But that was not my only foolish activity this weekend. No, I had to surpass myself in the art of Tom foolery.
We visit a local farm shop, in itself a pleasant experience where I manage to get a lovely Fuchsia bush for my garden. Then we went into the farm shop.
Here there was a display asking you to sample a range of quite hot chilli sauces, ranging from mild to bloody ridiculous. All the family declined the offer, but silly me decides to go right in at the deep-end and sample the hottest one on display. There was a subtle clue in the product name. “ Crazy Bastard sauce” I just wish I’d read the tasting notes below the bottle that you can see in this picture below.
“Feels like getting a tattoo on your tongue”
5 flames plus. I should have known better. I spent the following hour thinking a hole was developing in the roof of my mouth trying to make its way to by brain, my lips and gums were numb, my speech was impeded and I was dribbling, to be honest I was a mess at the amusement of the rest of my family. Lesson learned. Would i recommend it? As a paint stripper and general rust removal solution it would be fantastic. As for making your food taste better, I’d give it a wide berth to be honest.
But nicer things were to come. Whilst all sitting around the table, one of the younger members of the family and her fiancé approached me with a small black box with my name upon it. This is for you “Dave”.
The box
After stating that it’s not my birthday for another six months, I was told to stop yapping and just open it. They get married in a beautiful part of Portugal in 2027 and they have asked me to be the Officiant at their wedding. I jokingly replied that I’m not a priest or vicar, but immediately said yes. How lovely and thoughtful, and wonderful that they would consider me to be a part of their big day.
Wow, what an honour
The role of the Officiant is to guide the couple through their vows. They will be getting married officially in the UK in a private ceremony before heading to Portugal, so my role is non legal as they will already be legally married, I will be there to supply some continuity to those family members attending who are resident in Portugal or who were not in attendance at the official wedding in the UK.
Wow, I am so proud and honoured to even be considered for such a role, it means so much to me and to be honest my wife is completely over the moon about it. I think she is worrying more about it than I am at the moment, but in a good, let’s get this done and do them proud kind of way.
So even with over a year to go, it’s time to think it over exactly what needs to be done, and to think even after they have witnessed me wearing inappropriate headwear and questioning my lack of judgment with hot chilli sauces, they still believe I’m the right person for the job.
I’ve been a bit slack with my posts recently. It’s been busy, here’s a brief update as to what’s been going on this month so far.
It’s late February and I’m conscious that I haven’t posted anything this month, and that does play slightly on my OCD, as I like to see each month ticked off on the archive page.
It’s a me thing really, it frustrates me that I haven’t been posting regularly recently, but there have been a few things that have kept me occupied elsewhere, probably too boring to write about, but in the interest of maintaining a monthly contribution to my archive, I’m going to tell you what’s been going on anyway.
Feel free to move on at this stage, if you have more important things to do such as washing your hair or counting the hair follicles on your other half’s head.
The overriding elephant in the room here has been the aftermath of the house move. We’ve only moved about 12 miles out into a more rural area, away from the noise and pollution of the city of Leicester, the difference in noise and pollution is instantly noticeable in that we can sleep uninterrupted by wailing sirens, boy racers and inconsiderate road users, my intake of asthma stopping medications has reduced considerably, and occasionally we have to speak up just to check that our ears are still working as the noise levels are almost zero. It’s lovely.
So for what has been the last three weeks now we have been unpacking immense quantities of cardboard boxes and realising we didn’t pack as well as we could. We’ve found a lot of stuff that we have been looking for, stashed away in boxes that they shouldn’t have been in, for example a box of biscuit crackers in with the bedding of bedroom number two, obviously just thrown in at the last moment to occupy a space. We’ve now found most of what we require and are now only left with a number of suitcases of clothing awaiting new storage.
So much cardboard
We are fortunate to have a garage as extra storage and this has been where the mass of cardboard is stored. It’s taken to the local tip for recycling, and when I breathe a sigh of relief that I now have my garage space back and available, another batch of boxes arrives and I lose the storage space again. At the moment it seems like a never ending cycle, but I know we have broken the back of it all and the recycling visits are starting to dwindle and hopefully before long they will stop completely. Fingers crossed 🤞
It’s a new house so fortunately decorating is not something we have to worry about just yet, thank heavens.
My workspace, that the wife has kindly allocated me, is situated within the second bedroom and is more than sufficient for my needs. However as the priority is getting the rest of the house up to the required standards of the foreperson (My Wife) unfortunately my area has to take a step back for the moment, and I doubt it will be anytime real soon where I am in a place to resume my hobbies and interests. Although I am still purchasing items to repair, I now have in excess of 21 projects in draft that need attending to.
A snippet of some of the projects still in draft
In our old house we had quite a bit of furniture that we had to downsize on. A lot of these items went to charities, and earlier last week the last piece of furniture, a 3 seat sofa had to be transported to the south coast, Ramsgate, in Kent to my niece. The wife and I decided we would take this our self and use it as an excuse to get away for a few days to see the family.
Sofa loaded into a people carrier
We hired a suitable vehicle, loaded it up and then hit the road for the 4 hr drive down to Kent.
Sofa, in place in my nieces house, with the wife posing behind
The journey was a success and the sofa is in place being used at my nieces house in Ramsgate. Whilst here I couldn’t resist going along to the Hornby/Scalextric/ Airfix museum in Margate (The wonder works) to relive some of my childhood memories.
The Wonder works – Margate
Another 4hr trip back to the East Midlands as we had some wardrobes being delivered from that large Swedish furniture company that needed construction (And yet more Cardboard 🤦♂️)
Wardrobes built and installed.
Then we had another six boxes of blinds arrive, the garage is now overflowing with cardboard once again.
Blinds now in place
It’s fair to say that we are almost there and settled now. Just a few bags to find homes for and then maybe I may be able to get my space finally finished and ready to use, and get all my gear out of storage a couple of miles away.
On top of this my shift pattern has changed at work meaning now that I am on continuous 12 hr shifts. It’s long days and nights, but I do get to spend more time at home now due to the way the new system works, believe it or not.
So that’s what I’ve been up to, pretty much for the last three weeks, and hopefully a somewhat normal return to service will occur as soon as the demands of the house and my wife, bless her, start to dwindle and normal day to day living returns to our household.
Stay safe, and may peace and comfort be with you all.
Thanks for passing by. It’s very much appreciated.
The ongoing saga of a house sale chain, that has collapsed three times in the last six months. Will it be fourth time lucky?
The ongoing saga of selling a house in the Uk.
As I’ve stated in previous posts, the house has been on sale since March 2025, and sold in August of that same year. It has so far sold 3 times and the chain has also collapsed 3 times due to factors further down the chain including, job redundancy, poor credit with potential purchasers, and not having any funds available in the first place.
Sold or not?
Now I can understand the redundancy reason, no one wants to lose their job, and the added pressure of taking on a mortgage when your cash flow has been stopped is not an ideal or practical situation to be in. Fully understandable.
The other excuses though are totally at the door step of our highly incompetent and totally useless estate agents, “Leicestershires finest”. As has also been previously documented their incompetence knows no bounds and I’m not going to waste anymore time on them here.
My wife and I, have been in a position of suspended animation since the property first sold. We seem to be the last to be told anything, and when you have solicitors contacting you to ask what is going on, you then have to take a deep breath and ask them, “What are we paying you for?”. My wife, bless her, is the catalyst that keeps this old jalopy of an engine ticking over, she is the one chasing, pestering and prompting two sets of solicitors and an estate agent to talk to each other. How she hasn’t become a dependent alcoholic due to their collective incompetence I will never know. I just thank god she is there to do it, as my approach normally includes x-rated expletives and accusations that would never get us very far. That’s why she’s asking me to sit out of things for the while. I guess I’ll be back in the frame when monies are being discussed and apportioned.
So. As stated the third collapse came and went and we were very reluctant to go into number four, as this meant having hoards of individuals mooching around the house and starting the process all over again. The only certainty throughout this process is that the new build we are purchasing was not ready yet, so they were happy for us to continue the search for a relevant purchaser.
Hey ho, the house went back up on sale for the fourth time on a Tuesday, we had five viewings on the Wednesday and four offers came in on the Thursday, it was sold on Friday. Sale to sold in four days! Wow that’s quick. We had plans in place as this was the last time it was being listed and that’s a certainty, if this sale collapsed again then we would look at investing in some big upgrades such as extra rooms, and would just stay put. As I’ve said our neighbours are ok 👌 it’s just the roads around us are getting busier and busier and a little of the attraction has now gone. Add to that, some of the owners have rented their properties to quite questionable residents, and turned one house into a House of multiple occupation where you have so many comings and goings that you don’t really know who lives there anymore, security of the area has taken a nose dive, and the resulting litter issue of people who just don’t really care about their local community is becoming an issue. Beyond that it’s all ok 👌
Sale number four has been very testing on both our mental states. We can’t, and refuse to get excited as we have been through the same situation three times before and still have the scars. I’ve never seen two people sitting so firmly on the fence, dreading any calls from the agents as in the past they have only ever called for bad news. The purchasers mortgage company sent a surveyor, and all was fine. The seller then wanted an in depth survey as they are first time buyers and you can’t blame them for that, he came and was crawling over every inch of our property for almost four hours, taking in every measurement, photo and reading he could possibly obtain. This was just prior to Christmas 2025, we had no decorations out as we couldn’t be bothered, we were not confident of the results even though the surveyor was very nice and complimentary of our house.
Then silence for over two weeks.
We had jumped through every hoop and over every wall we’d been asked to, we were drained and still no communication from any of the solicitors until we get a letter through with a few random questions and another form that needed filling. I have already filled in close to 147 other forms for sale and purchase prior to this one, so another one wouldn’t hurt, it was just what seemed like another obstacle being thrown at us. Our confidence now was at an all time low.
Then the solicitors of the company we are buying from came back asking if we had heard anything further? God, don’t you lot talk to each other?
The house was nearing completion and obviously they were looking forward to their payday, I handed control back to my wife who in her role as an unqualified solicitor made suggestions on what they should do next.
All of a sudden things have kicked up a gear after we spoke to our solicitor, who didn’t even know her assistant had sent out questions to us. (This was a face palm moment for me). She then replied to us with this simple email below:
Are we there yet?
Well, it seems as if all parties have now finally started talking! I still cannot get excited as it could still all collapse at this very late stage until we all officially sign contracts, but this is the furthest we have ever come since August of last year.
I will not be posting this whinging update, until that distant but also so close finish post has been reached. We don’t have a home, we have an ever emptying shell at the moment, full of boxes and cases and so much of our stuff is now away in storage in anticipation of the day we may well move out. The stresses and strains we have endured over the last 6 months have been immense, I would not recommend this process to anyone, and I’m confident in saying I will never take part in such an activity again. That’s it. This will be our final move if it ever occurs.
See, I’m still pessimistic of it ever completing even after they have said we are due to complete in what is now just 12 days time. Will it happen? If this post goes beyond this paragraph then it’s safe to say it has finally occurred.
And it has!
Well, Weds 28 Jan after yet another week of jumping hurdles and climbing walls we finally had our last few interrogation emails from the buyers solicitors and we then received the notification that Contracts had been exchanged, the point of no return where the financial penalties are high if anyone decides to withdraw. It finally looks as if it’s actually going to happen. However, that nagging doubt still exists and I guess that’s just because I’m being super defensive due to the battle scars we’ve accumulated over this period of buying and selling.
We have less than 24hrs to finish clearing this place, wow, we’ve got a lot to do, so I must be getting on. I’ll let you know what occurs in the meantime.
Moved
We did it. We are now safely ensconced on the outskirts of Leicestershires “Pork Pie and Stilton cheese” haven, that is Melton Mowbray. The moving guys were superb and even the Estate agents and legal teams were extremely co-operative, I suspect due to the fact they were all in for a very good payday.
We have a house full of boxes that will now have to be sorted through, my first priority was to get the beds in place, and I have to thank my Nephew and his girlfriend who just happened to be passing by for their assistance. I now have a room to utilise as my hobby/work space and that will take shape over the coming months.
So it’s been an extremely long and stressful journey but it came right in the end. My only recommendation would be that if you are purchasing in the UK, and considering buying, just dig your heals in for a long journey. Be the dog that wags its tail, not the opposite as these financial types will walk all over you if you let them.
I’m parked in a local park. I’m waiting for my wife who has a hair appointment, and I’m now looking for Dolly.
That last day. Me and Alf in this very carpark
Who’s Dolly?
Dolly is a puppy, she would be 18 months old now and when I last saw her it was on the 16th August 2024. The day our Alf lost his battle with his illness and went to sleep. Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔
We took a little walk into the park that day and he just sat at the entrance, nothing left in the tank, when an 11 month old bundle of fluff bounced up to him and wanted to play. He let her sniff around but he didn’t stir from his staring out into the fields where he once used to bound around just like Dolly.
Nothing in the tank, just so tired
I spoke with Dollys owners and told them what was happening that day, Dolly did not want to leave him, she knew something.
It was a sad and at the same time wonderful thing to see, as one life was ending and an exciting new one was just beginning.
I often pop back here in the hope that I will see Dolly again, even my wife encourages me to do so. I just want to say thank you to her and her owners, it was a beautiful moment when they both met but so tragically cut short. They would have been great friends as Alf loved everyone and didn’t have a bad bone in his body.
And if her owners allow, I want to give her a big cuddle. Another beautiful little soul.
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