I’m not about to blow smoke up my own pipe, I really do find this question hard to answer, as I probably see myself totally differently from how others view me.
And that’s it.
It doesn’t really matter how I see myself, I guess the answer is in how you portray yourself in all aspects of your life. Work, leisure, hobbies, behaviours, fears, likes, loves – you name it. I know the person I’d like to be, but I’ll never get there unless I learn the truth and change my ways.
Contentment
There’s only one person I know that can truly describe me to someone, and that someone would be my wife. She knows me better than I know myself, she sees the good, bad and indifferent in me, and to be honest it works in the other direction too. My Wife would probably say she is calm and tolerant, but I’d have to pull her up there as I sometimes see a different side to her that no one else sees. Whereas I’d probably say I’m a people person and I know she’d laugh and pull me up and say I’m the total opposite. And of course she’d be right.
How many people will answer this prompt, and truly turn to someone who knows them only too well and ask them to “Fact check” their reasoning. I doubt many will, so does that mean we will all have either a too low, or even a too high opinion of ourselves?
Sometimes it’s best to get it from the mouth of someone you know well. They don’t do it to hurt your feelings, they are giving it to you straight, it’s up to you then to make changes to become that person you truly “think” you are, or want to be.
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
Before all the posts start appearing from the do as I say but not as I do, positive thinking brigade, it’s a quite simple response to be honest.
As it says, it’s a “Quality “ and not everyone possesses that quality. A rapid change in mindset will normally suffice.
Just be appreciative of what you have whatever that may be, a loving relationship, maybe someone has done well or made you feel a million dollars, with just a simple compliment you pay them back. Just be appreciative. Use the words please and thank you a little more, it will always go a long way. And always offer assistance. Just be nice and stop being an asshole.
Simplistic attitudes prevent the negative outcomes.
I like to normally stay upbeat, but these recent prompts have really got me thinking. I know everyone wants to see the “Yes my life is perfect” answers, but I’m afraid you’ll have to head to Insta and Fakebook for those replies. To be honest looking back at the last year it’s been fairly “Shit” to be honest.
Now I’m not going to fill this post with my woes and issues as there are a lot of people out there that have had it a damn sight worse than me, but the question has been asked and I have to answer it truthfully.
The family is on the point of breaking up due to “family” things, there has been illness, emergencies and grief by the bucket load, however myself and my wife have managed to keep smiling through it all, hiding exactly what we feel on the inside. As I have stated, there are others out there that have had it a lot worse, and to be honest my thoughts and prayers lay with them. Being a strong willed couple, my Wife and I can overcome much that life throws our way, and hopefully we have enough left in reserve to help others who may not have that support to fall back on.
So yes, we’ve had a bad year, just like a lot of people, but we have also learned from our discomfort, pain and uncertainty.
So through mild adversity we remain united and strong, and that is a good sign….isn’t it? I guess all is not that bad, once you have faced the pain and issues head on.
It’s been 5 days since my last post in the journal. It continues to be a lonely old week as the wife is still away at our friend’s house. Health wise she is now getting the attention that she needed, a care plan is in place and her support network is now better than it ever was. Fingers crossed it’s all looking positive with the occasional wobble.
Living apart for a short while really makes you appreciate what you have, it also brings a dose of reality as you experience what some people have no control over, makes you think.
Just one more shift at work and I can drive down to see them both on Friday morning, I’m really excited about that.
Been a strange week at work, a lady threw herself under a train as a train was passing through at 90mph, the call went up for our response and the controller informed us we had one under a train. However that train passed over her, and she got up after it had passed and climbed back on the platform. I have never seen anything like it, the amount of equipment that hangs under these trains would normally rip you to pieces. How the heck she survived this and lived to tell the tale is a mystery to me. Needless to say we breathed a sigh of relief as we were not going to be needed to collect what was left of her. I believe she is resident at a local mental health unit, we have far too many of these issues on our route with those that are seriously unwell. It’s getting worse.
(Amended 31/10 unfortunately the same lady was successful in her attempt to end her life today. I feel sorry for my colleagues and I who were heavily involved, we didn’t need to be brought into this issue but we unfortunately were. She got what she wished for. I hope she has found peace)
I’ve purchased a few items to repair this week, all items that will be going on the site in the coming weeks. I have about a dozen draft posts awaiting completion, most of them are still awaiting parts before I can finish them off. I’ve also brought myself a new Multimeter, the previous one (good though it was) has been giving some spurious readings of late, so I thought it was time for an upgrade. Should be a game changer for me as there’s a multitude of other tests this one is capable of that the older one wasn’t.
Enjoy Halloween if that’s your thing, Here in the East Midlands it’s Diwali being celebrated this week so if that’s your thing – Happy Diwali – Stay safe. Be happy.
It’s probably been about a week since my last entry in the journal. My wife is still down south with our friend who is unwell, she has seen the doctor and it now appears she has started the road to recovery. My wife suspects she will be there another week as they have a return visit with medical staff next Thursday and she wants to be there to ensure she has support and that everything is well prior to her leaving. We are meeting friends in London for dinner on Friday so once I finish work on Thursday night it will be a few hours sleep prior to me heading south to pick her up, take her for a hair appointment and then on to our hotel, then out to dinner. To say I’m looking forward to this is an understatement.
We don’t have a big house but it has seemed massive these past few days. This is the first time my wife has been away and left me totally alone. I normally have Alf here to keep me occupied but he has gone, and the whole house now seems so empty. You notice creaks and clunks you weren’t aware of before, the mind plays some cruel tricks at times.
I’ve been to the local hospice and handed over the lovely items our friend down south donated, and they were over the moon. I think they will make some good money from those items. It’s a good feeling to walk out of these places knowing that you are helping people who genuinely are at a time in their lives when they need it the most.
Work has been busy, the autumn effect is in full force and we are fighting to keep the train lines safe and moving. It doesn’t help with thieves stealing large amounts of cable rendering safety systems useless. They put their lives as well as others at risk, and it inconveniences everyone. Well I guess it at least keeps me in a job.
I’ve purchased a couple of items to repair, and these will be going on the site shortly.
It’s been a busy few days, so replying to WordPresses daily prompts hasn’t been high on the agenda, even though i was tempted by a few but just didn’t have the time. Since we got back from London it’s pretty much been all work, the weather as per usual has been awful and it’s all been about removing trees, cows and trespassers from the lines throughout the East Midlands.
We’ve been to look at some new houses. We’re not looking at leaving the county, we are just looking at moving about 12 miles or so into the countryside as the city is getting busier and noisier. I know it goes against a post i made a week or two ago when i stated that i had fantastic neighbours, that remains true, but when health and welfare and progression of ailments are moving faster than you do, these options have to be taken into consideration. It’s not for definite yet, but as each day passes another reason to up sticks and move on presents itself. I don’t suspect anything will progress until the middle of next year but who knows.
Today i had to take an unplanned trip back to London as our friend has taken a bit of a turn and i have had to get my wife back down there to keep an eye on her. I’ve had to come back home as I have work commitments, I’m suspecting she will be down there a week or so, we will miss each other immensely but sometimes there are more important concerns, and at this moment our friend needs us and we will be there for her. The journey back was interesting, just look at this idiot that doesn’t know how to use a wing mirror on the M25 Motorway! I’ve muted the audio as I wasn’t very complimentary.
Just an idiot on the M25
It’s strange being at home on your own, I’ve always been used to having my four legged side kick – Alfie, at my side whenever the wife has been out or away. Today is a first for me as i have neither and its hit me, it’s another one of those awful “first time” reminders you get whenever you lose a loved one. We think we’ve been having little reminders and visitations now, please don’t judge us, we are not crackers but little things have happened that just make us smile. There are probably very reasonable explanations but we don’t want that, and we like what we hear and see. It’s comforting, and in a world of utter misery you have to grab whatever bit of joy you can lay your hands on. Here’s a picture of the boys in the week, and for a brief moment the sun was in such a position to position a rainbow effect above them. This was a special and lovely moment for us.
For a moment…a rainbow
I’ve purchased a number of random ridiculous items to repair and these will be posted as articles over the coming weeks.
So for the moment we are up to date. There are a lot of calls going on between here and London, along with a lot of thoughts and prayers as well.
Stay safe, and check up on your older neighbours and family. They are a stubborn and proud generation and hate to ask for help. Be one step ahead and offer it without them asking.
Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?
I have had to change my way of thinking regarding this prompt from WP. I have always been one of those that even on a day off feels like I have been wasteful if I have not done something productive.
However the other side of me has started to realise that I am not going to live forever, I am slowing down and already experiencing issues that are compounding my mobility, so due to these factors I have now decided that these precious and rare days should be used for what they were designated for. To rest.
There is no doubt that your body knows you the best, if it’s telling you to rest, you need to do just that. Though it is admirable to keep on being productive you have to realise that no one really cares what you are doing and you are not going to be remembered for just “Papering or painting” that one more wall.
Rest, do as your body tells you. If it gains you just another day on the planet, it’s a bonus.
This is a long post and for that I apologise, it will encompass the whole of the six day visit “dahn sarf” we have made to spend time with a dear friend.
We arrived in Sunbury on Friday, and made our way straight to my wife’s friend’s house. a cup of tea and some small cakes as predicted and all was going well. We then had to take her for a medical appointment where my wife was her chaperone whilst I browsed the shops in the high street and ventured into what i suspect is the most expensive cafe in town. If I’d looked at the clientele as I entered or at the number of expensive handbags behind the counter belonging to the staff I’d have had an idea that this was going to cost me. £7.30 for an average Latte later I felt suitably robbed and assaulted, lesson learnt.
Today I fixed the toilet that wasn’t filling correctly and checked a coffee machine that wasn’t drawing water at all, surveyed some blinds that are beyond repair and made plans to get these replaced. Ordered a new cord for a pull light and then went into town to get us all a nice evening meal. We didn’t actually get into our hotel until 21:30 despite arriving here at about 13:00 hrs, whilst quickly booking in to get our keys when they were both at the medical appointment. Tomorrow I think I’m putting in a new shower rail and spray attachment and a few other little jobs that need doing. I’ll list them as the trip progresses. At the hotel we finished the evening with a nice pint and a prosecco whilst sitting in a quaint lounge listening to some nice old music from years gone by. It was a lovely wind down to a hectic first day.
Day two:
Well, the shower is fixed, but our dear friend is suffering. I had been warned by my wife that she is not the person we used to know, that she was suffering psychologically but I refused to believe it. 24hrs later and I am shocked, worried for her and genuinely upset at what I am seeing, our friend is changing in front of our very eyes. All along my wife has been at her side throughout and has been her comfort, she’s just so good at what she can do, and today that’s pretty much been everything. We’ve eaten well and she has been with us for every meal so we can see she is at least eating. It’s been an awful day to be honest, everything just pales into insignificance and it is horrible to leave her when we go back to our hotel.
Day three:
Today I’ve fixed the coffee machine, cleaned and refilled a water feature and changed the filters, all looks lovely. We’ve kept our friend busy today and occupied, shredding years of no longer needed paperwork and it’s been nice to see a glimpse of how we remember her. I’m sure her illness centres on loneliness and boredom. A lovely fish and chip supper and all seems well.
Day four:
The town of Weybridge in Surrey where we are currently residing is high brow beyond belief. We are talking charity shops that have Jimmy Choo shoes, Chanel handbags and Prada clothing, it’s another world. Charity shops here smell of expensive perfume not the dank smell of second hand and old jumble sales that you experience elsewhere.
What’s annoying is when you pop into the local Waitrose to buy some water and cakes and you are followed around by security staff. Anyway, the wife took the security guard to one side along with the manager and told them what she thought of them and how they made us feel, they don’t call her the Rottweiler for nothing. I think we’ll pop back in there tomorrow so she can growl at them again.
This area is just so…. Snooty, I’m bloody glad I moved out of the London area and now live amongst the decent, friendly non judgemental people of the East Midlands. This is the first time I’ve really witnessed the class thing, I must have witnessed it when I lived in the area but was never really that aware of it, maybe I was an inverted snob, and I’ve had to move away to realise it. It stinks, and I’m glad I’m away from it now. I don’t like it and it’s not necessary. It costs nothing to smile and be friendly and courteous, but the good folk of Weybridge don’t seem to be capable of basic niceties. No wonder modern society has issues when we still have Dickensian attitudes amongst us.
LOROS our local hospice
Anyway rant over I’ve taken an elderly lady for a wig fitting at one of the film studios, that was an experience, i’ve shredded a further mountain of old paperwork and have also taken some rubbish to the local tip. We’ve been gifted a stack of good items that we will be bringing home for our local hospice in Leicester (LOROS), they will appreciate this and it will raise some well needed funds for them, let’s say we are doing a bit of a Robin Hood and taking from the rich to give to the needy.
Day five:
Has started with a return to the shop above for some pastries, all seems well today and we were left to shop in peace. Here’s hoping it was a one off. We’ve take our friend to an appointment today and she is exceptionally nervous and anxious. Our visit this week has been building up to this and we are both mentally drained as a result of the amount of talking and reassurance we have had to give. But you know what? We are fine with this as our friend is in great need and it the least we can do. There will be plenty of time to rest when she is better. The important thing is to ensure she gets the help she requires before we head back north. And that is the difficult part.
And our appointment was semi successful but we have a way to go just yet. Baby steps as they say, there is a dim light at the end of a very long tunnel. We will get her there. Today I told my wife how proud I am of her, I don’t say it enough. The way she has dealt with every issue that has been thrown at her this week has been amazing. Just watching her has been a privilege and a pleasure. She truly is an amazing human being, and I am just so proud of her.
Day six:
We’re heading home later today and overall it’s been a semi successful trip, we still have a very unwell friend here, but we’ve set the wheels in motion and only time will tell. We’ve put things in place that should comfort and assist, and a care plan has been drawn up. I won’t say that it’s been a holiday, far from it, but it’s been nice to visit and help someone and that’s what is important. My wife continues to impress me with her ability to handle these awkward and sometimes concerning situations, but I guess that’s just her training and knowledge from dealing with such situations in the past. I am very proud of her.
I guess we will be heading back sometime around 2 pm so that we don’t hit the rush hour in all the big towns we pass through, I have a day off tomorrow when I will take all we have gathered here to the local hospice in Leicester, and then I’m back into work throughout the weekend and beyond. Hopefully my postings from now onwards will be a little more concise and less lengthy.
It’s been a hectic week work wise, I’ve been on the night shift and whilst everyone has been sleeping I’ve been out on the lines ensuring everything is good for morning start up. Apart from the relentless rain we’ve been having, it’s definitely getting colder out there and I’ve noticed the trees are shedding their leaves a lot sooner than they did in last year’s mild autumn.
I managed to get hold of a good plumber who came around to fix the leaky radiator valve we had, a nice lad and very quick, in and out in about 30 mins, easy job for someone who knows what they are doing. Proof will be when the heating goes on, but I don’t foresee any issue. A good contact that has duly been added to the phone book.
Sunbury on Thames
We’re off for another adventure of sorts, heading down to visit my wife’s elderly friend in Sunbury on Thames, a lovely town with lots of history surrounding it. I’m going to be busy doing some odd jobs that she’s been saving up for me, so to be honest I’m going to be as happy as a pig in s**t to coin a phrase. No doubt the visit will involve plenty of cake and tea, we really look forward to these visits as she is a wonderful individual. She’s struggling with things at the moment, but that is where my wife is the best friend you could possibly have, listening to the pair of them talk I realise just how lucky I am to be with a person like her, she is so good and understanding of other people. I guess her time and experience working with dementia patients in hospitals and care homes has given her this gift. She really should have wings, she is an angel truly.
Tonight’s my last night shift prior to driving down tomorrow, I’m kind of hoping tonight’s shift won’t be too demanding but I lay money on it, as I’m planning an early departure towards London tomorrow it will be a hectic one.
Fingers crossed 🤞 but we will see what arises.
I’ll give another update in a few days once I’ve got some of my chores under my belt.
Been a few days since i last posted, to be honest we’ve been that busy and enjoying ourselves that there has been little time to put aside any time to anything else. However, back home now, I’m sitting in bed as the wife watches “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” and i now have that time to spare.
I last posted about our spontaneous decision to leave for Devon a day early and I’m pleased we did. we took a bus to Brixham and spent a lovely day browsing old shops, galleries and markets and to top it all the sun shined throughout.
GoodringtonArty picGolden hind – BrixhamBrixham harbour
Our relations made contact and that evening we went out for a lovely dinner in the country side, one of those eateries that the locals keep quiet from the tourists, splendid food and fantastic company – their secret is now out!
Friday, we are still awaiting the arrival some more relatives so i popped along to the train station owned by Dartmouth Steam railway to check on timings for a trip out to Dartmouth the following day when they all arrived. Tickets booked, i took some pictures of the train working the service that day and then returned to meet up with the wife.
Lydham ManorA coach called DaveLydham manor
The current batch of family had all gathered at a local pub, so we made the decision to join them, i then reacquainted myself with a local brew called “Devon Dumpling” that i’d last tried at a remembrance festival in Paignton a few years back. God was my head heavy the following morning, I’ll never learn. But it’s good to meet an old friend.
Devon dumplingBike display in pub
A night off from the family and we ate at our hotel and headed off to bed. Our hotel funnily enough used to be a napoleonic naval hospital, and a nunnery, this probably explained some unaccounted bumps in the night, that said it was generally quiet and comfortable.
The following morning we headed up the hill into town where we had a light breakfast prior to joining our steam train to Kingswear, where we would then catch a short ferry ride across the river Dart to Dartmouth.
View from the hillPaignton harbour75014Our train todaySteamingLeaving Kingswear
We spent a lovely few hours walking around the town, what a beautiful town it is too. Lots of shopping by the ladies, we had a lovely cream tea at an old establishment where the floor was about 2 degrees off of level, this was strange as we were all leaning slightly to the left to counteract the feeling, I’ve never eaten at an establishment and came away with a pain in the side purely down to the angle of the floor and not because of what we had eaten. Nice place though.
Wonky floorsArghhhDartmouthKingswear
Another trip back home to get ready for the evenings party, the train was fantastic, it always amazes me the engineering that went into making these trains. They truly are works of art and deserve to be preserved for everyone by the fantastic individuals that volunteer their time to keep these amazing beasts on the rails.
It’s rained… it’s been dry since we arrived and tonight, the night of the party the heavens have opened. The party went really well and a good time was had by all, much was drunk, eaten and all topped off with questionable dance moves by the “Dad” contingent. Memories have been made throughout this break away.
And today we have all departed to our little corners of the uk, in fact we even had family from Johannesburg and Sydney, their journeys are a little more complex than ours however they are remaining in the Uk for a little longer before they depart. We’ve had invites to go to Australia, but thats not for me, I don’t want to be travelling for those ridiculous lengths of time and to be honest I don’t want to go to a country where every animal wants to kill you, and i have a an absolute fear, or should i say terror of spiders. It’s just not for me.
B/WColour – time to go home
We had a good journey there and back and we are back home to more rain, it’s like we’ve never been away. Back to work tomorrow night, with a smile on my face and some fantastic memories.
Foxes Den 
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