Thank god I’m a coward

There’s nothing wrong with being a coward. There are some risks just not worth taking.

What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?

Twice in my life I have been a coward. And I’m quite pleased that I was, in fact I have great comfort in being a coward, it has made me a better person. I took a risk on two occasions, but I was unable to follow through as intended,

Twice in the past I have tried to take my own life.

I’m writing this post, so as you can see I was unsuccessful.

Thank the Lord.

I took a risk, I didn’t want to take it, but was prepared to do so.

When you finally get to those places and times in your life, when you just can’t take no more, rational thought and actions go out of the window. For some reason you are unable to see a good outcome, nothing can release you from this blanket of blackness that has now surrounded you and has become your cocoon, the item that protects you from the outside world. Your waiting room between here and the other side….whatever and wherever that may be.

My first attempt was an overdose, I was only a teenager, probably about 17 – 18 years old, the result of a failed relationship that I probably thought was the best thing that had happened in my life, it wasn’t, that occurred about 7 years later when I met the love of my life who is with me today. Being a coward then, made me realise what I would have missed out on if I had not been a coward that day, life truly does get better, I was a teenager, I had little life experience but was ready to throw away the best and most precious gift I had ever been given – life. It’s that simple.

The second time was probably back in the early 90s, I was on the railway as a train guard/revenue officer. I had in a small period of time had a knife pulled on me on two separate occasions, I had been assaulted, and was also followed home where my home had all of its windows smashed – all because of the work I was doing. I duly had a breakdown. People who were friends and colleagues distanced themselves from me, in the 90s the mental side of things was a taboo subject, and I was now the target for ridicule and derision from those I worked with. I wandered on to the tracks of the north bound Northern line underground at Euston station, and was saved by a friendly individual working in the same business as me. I was very ill and was taken home, the only help i received was being given a couple of weeks off before resuming work in a light duties role with some of those that had only weeks before ridiculed me.

I had only been married a few months when this had occurred and I remember the reaction from my wife when she found out, she was beside herself, she had not known how I felt, I disguised things so well and she was rightly angry with me for not talking to her. But that’s not the done thing for us blokes is it?

But I was willing in those moments to give up on everyone who loved me, how bloody selfish was that?

Again though, I looked back again and thought to myself, what the hell are you doing? Those problems where solvable, they didn’t need to overwhelm me so much, nothing was that bad.

And there is where it lies.

Nothing is that bad that you really have to look at ending it all to solve your problems. I realise that now, and I’m so inherently thankful that I have that “coward” gene set firmly within my psyche.

When I think of all the fantastic things I have seen and done, all the wonderful people I have had the pleasure in meeting in that time, this would not have been at all possible if I’d decided to carry those actions out in the past.

I see the kids stressing out over exam results, struggling to meet their parents expectations, and thinking that they are failures, unfortunately you always hear of a few who succumb to that black cloak of depression. I just wish I could have a few minutes with them to just let them know how needed they are and how fabulous they are going to be. It’s such an unnecessary waste of wonderful people.

It’s strange to know I am still in the business of the railway, and to be honest I spend much of my time either reaching out to individuals or being the first on the scene when they are brave enough to carry out their final actions under that awful cloak of depression. I always say a prayer for them, and I sincerely hope they are at peace, but at the same time I also feel immense pain for those they have left behind asking that unanswerable question, “Why?”

I’m glad I’m a coward, and that my risk taking is minimal, I’ve been to some very dark places in the past, but now I handle things a great deal better. I love life so much, I love those around me and value the most simplest of things. Nothing is more precious than life. All life.

Sometimes you have to venture close to the edge to really appreciate just what you have got.

If you ever wobble, if you ever have those dark thoughts, reach out to someone. I promise you, nothing, nothing at all is really that bad.

I’m here. I’m a coward, and by god am I pleased about that.

Stay safe. Be kind.

Thanks, again

I have already thanked everyone on 26th January this year for your kind support on getting me up to 100 subscribers on this site. It really is appreciated and today I need to thank you again on getting me to a 10k views notification.

Thank you 🙏

I’m not a consistent blogger as my posts vary greatly, I know there is quite a range in quality but I make no apologies for that. I’ve always suffered with quite severe mood swings due to a number of factors that I won’t dwell on here, and this site was created as an extension of the journal I used to write at home. That journal had some extremely worrying matter in it and I always encouraged my wife to read it, (As I’m a bloke who doesn’t openly talk) and as a result she pulled me out of some deep ravines and I am eternally grateful to her for that. That said I decided to take the Journal one step further and it is now online for all my family as well as you good souls to see. As a result you will see the good and the not so good, but believe me I am in a much better place for having you all around me.

Thanks for just being there, you will never understand just how much it helps.

And yes, I do talk more and I suggest everyone who is suffering in silence breaks that mould, and talks to someone. Do not please suffer in silence. And I’m always here to lend a listening ear.

Eternal thanks to each and every one of you.

Peace 🙏

Journal – Post nine

It’s been 5 days since my last post in the journal. It continues to be a lonely old week as the wife is still away at our friend’s house. Health wise she is now getting the attention that she needed, a care plan is in place and her support network is now better than it ever was. Fingers crossed it’s all looking positive with the occasional wobble.

Living apart for a short while really makes you appreciate what you have, it also brings a dose of reality as you experience what some people have no control over, makes you think.

Just one more shift at work and I can drive down to see them both on Friday morning, I’m really excited about that.

Been a strange week at work, a lady threw herself under a train as a train was passing through at 90mph, the call went up for our response and the controller informed us we had one under a train. However that train passed over her, and she got up after it had passed and climbed back on the platform. I have never seen anything like it, the amount of equipment that hangs under these trains would normally rip you to pieces. How the heck she survived this and lived to tell the tale is a mystery to me. Needless to say we breathed a sigh of relief as we were not going to be needed to collect what was left of her. I believe she is resident at a local mental health unit, we have far too many of these issues on our route with those that are seriously unwell. It’s getting worse.

(Amended 31/10 unfortunately the same lady was successful in her attempt to end her life today. I feel sorry for my colleagues and I who were heavily involved, we didn’t need to be brought into this issue but we unfortunately were. She got what she wished for. I hope she has found peace)

I’ve purchased a few items to repair this week, all items that will be going on the site in the coming weeks. I have about a dozen draft posts awaiting completion, most of them are still awaiting parts before I can finish them off. I’ve also brought myself a new Multimeter, the previous one (good though it was) has been giving some spurious readings of late, so I thought it was time for an upgrade. Should be a game changer for me as there’s a multitude of other tests this one is capable of that the older one wasn’t.

Enjoy Halloween if that’s your thing, Here in the East Midlands it’s Diwali being celebrated this week so if that’s your thing – Happy Diwali – Stay safe. Be happy.

Journal – Post eight

It’s probably been about a week since my last entry in the journal. My wife is still down south with our friend who is unwell, she has seen the doctor and it now appears she has started the road to recovery. My wife suspects she will be there another week as they have a return visit with medical staff next Thursday and she wants to be there to ensure she has support and that everything is well prior to her leaving. We are meeting friends in London for dinner on Friday so once I finish work on Thursday night it will be a few hours sleep prior to me heading south to pick her up, take her for a hair appointment and then on to our hotel, then out to dinner. To say I’m looking forward to this is an understatement.

We don’t have a big house but it has seemed massive these past few days. This is the first time my wife has been away and left me totally alone. I normally have Alf here to keep me occupied but he has gone, and the whole house now seems so empty. You notice creaks and clunks you weren’t aware of before, the mind plays some cruel tricks at times.

I’ve been to the local hospice and handed over the lovely items our friend down south donated, and they were over the moon. I think they will make some good money from those items. It’s a good feeling to walk out of these places knowing that you are helping people who genuinely are at a time in their lives when they need it the most.

Work has been busy, the autumn effect is in full force and we are fighting to keep the train lines safe and moving. It doesn’t help with thieves stealing large amounts of cable rendering safety systems useless. They put their lives as well as others at risk, and it inconveniences everyone. Well I guess it at least keeps me in a job.

I’ve purchased a couple of items to repair, and these will be going on the site shortly.

Until episode nine, be at peace, and be happy.

Journal – Post seven

It’s been a busy few days, so replying to WordPresses daily prompts hasn’t been high on the agenda, even though i was tempted by a few but just didn’t have the time. Since we got back from London it’s pretty much been all work, the weather as per usual has been awful and it’s all been about removing trees, cows and trespassers from the lines throughout the East Midlands.

We’ve been to look at some new houses. We’re not looking at leaving the county, we are just looking at moving about 12 miles or so into the countryside as the city is getting busier and noisier. I know it goes against a post i made a week or two ago when i stated that i had fantastic neighbours, that remains true, but when health and welfare and progression of ailments are moving faster than you do, these options have to be taken into consideration. It’s not for definite yet, but as each day passes another reason to up sticks and move on presents itself. I don’t suspect anything will progress until the middle of next year but who knows.

Today i had to take an unplanned trip back to London as our friend has taken a bit of a turn and i have had to get my wife back down there to keep an eye on her. I’ve had to come back home as I have work commitments, I’m suspecting she will be down there a week or so, we will miss each other immensely but sometimes there are more important concerns, and at this moment our friend needs us and we will be there for her. The journey back was interesting, just look at this idiot that doesn’t know how to use a wing mirror on the M25 Motorway! I’ve muted the audio as I wasn’t very complimentary.

Just an idiot on the M25

It’s strange being at home on your own, I’ve always been used to having my four legged side kick – Alfie, at my side whenever the wife has been out or away. Today is a first for me as i have neither and its hit me, it’s another one of those awful “first time” reminders you get whenever you lose a loved one. We think we’ve been having little reminders and visitations now, please don’t judge us, we are not crackers but little things have happened that just make us smile. There are probably very reasonable explanations but we don’t want that, and we like what we hear and see. It’s comforting, and in a world of utter misery you have to grab whatever bit of joy you can lay your hands on. Here’s a picture of the boys in the week, and for a brief moment the sun was in such a position to position a rainbow effect above them. This was a special and lovely moment for us.

For a moment…a rainbow

I’ve purchased a number of random ridiculous items to repair and these will be posted as articles over the coming weeks.

So for the moment we are up to date. There are a lot of calls going on between here and London, along with a lot of thoughts and prayers as well.

Stay safe, and check up on your older neighbours and family. They are a stubborn and proud generation and hate to ask for help. Be one step ahead and offer it without them asking.

Peace.

Journal – Post six

This is a long post and for that I apologise, it will encompass the whole of the six day visit “dahn sarf” we have made to spend time with a dear friend.

We arrived in Sunbury on Friday, and made our way straight to my wife’s friend’s house. a cup of tea and some small cakes as predicted and all was going well. We then had to take her for a medical appointment where my wife was her chaperone whilst I browsed the shops in the high street and ventured into what i suspect is the most expensive cafe in town. If I’d looked at the clientele as I entered or at the number of expensive handbags behind the counter belonging to the staff I’d have had an idea that this was going to cost me. £7.30 for an average Latte later I felt suitably robbed and assaulted, lesson learnt.

Today I fixed the toilet that wasn’t filling correctly and checked a coffee machine that wasn’t drawing water at all, surveyed some blinds that are beyond repair and made plans to get these replaced. Ordered a new cord for a pull light and then went into town to get us all a nice evening meal. We didn’t actually get into our hotel until 21:30 despite arriving here at about 13:00 hrs, whilst quickly booking in to get our keys when they were both at the medical appointment. Tomorrow I think I’m putting in a new shower rail and spray attachment and a few other little jobs that need doing. I’ll list them as the trip progresses. At the hotel we finished the evening with a nice pint and a prosecco whilst sitting in a quaint lounge listening to some nice old music from years gone by. It was a lovely wind down to a hectic first day.

Day two:

Well, the shower is fixed, but our dear friend is suffering. I had been warned by my wife that she is not the person we used to know, that she was suffering psychologically but I refused to believe it. 24hrs later and I am shocked, worried for her and genuinely upset at what I am seeing, our friend is changing in front of our very eyes. All along my wife has been at her side throughout and has been her comfort, she’s just so good at what she can do, and today that’s pretty much been everything. We’ve eaten well and she has been with us for every meal so we can see she is at least eating. It’s been an awful day to be honest, everything just pales into insignificance and it is horrible to leave her when we go back to our hotel.

Day three:

Today I’ve fixed the coffee machine, cleaned and refilled a water feature and changed the filters, all looks lovely. We’ve kept our friend busy today and occupied, shredding years of no longer needed paperwork and it’s been nice to see a glimpse of how we remember her. I’m sure her illness centres on loneliness and boredom. A lovely fish and chip supper and all seems well.

Day four:

The town of Weybridge in Surrey where we are currently residing is high brow beyond belief. We are talking charity shops that have Jimmy Choo shoes, Chanel handbags and Prada clothing, it’s another world. Charity shops here smell of expensive perfume not the dank smell of second hand and old jumble sales that you experience elsewhere.

What’s annoying is when you pop into the local Waitrose to buy some water and cakes and you are followed around by security staff. Anyway, the wife took the security guard to one side along with the manager and told them what she thought of them and how they made us feel, they don’t call her the Rottweiler for nothing. I think we’ll pop back in there tomorrow so she can growl at them again.

This area is just so…. Snooty, I’m bloody glad I moved out of the London area and now live amongst the decent, friendly non judgemental people of the East Midlands. This is the first time I’ve really witnessed the class thing, I must have witnessed it when I lived in the area but was never really that aware of it, maybe I was an inverted snob, and I’ve had to move away to realise it. It stinks, and I’m glad I’m away from it now. I don’t like it and it’s not necessary. It costs nothing to smile and be friendly and courteous, but the good folk of Weybridge don’t seem to be capable of basic niceties. No wonder modern society has issues when we still have Dickensian attitudes amongst us.

LOROS our local hospice

Anyway rant over I’ve taken an elderly lady for a wig fitting at one of the film studios, that was an experience, i’ve shredded a further mountain of old paperwork and have also taken some rubbish to the local tip. We’ve been gifted a stack of good items that we will be bringing home for our local hospice in Leicester (LOROS), they will appreciate this and it will raise some well needed funds for them, let’s say we are doing a bit of a Robin Hood and taking from the rich to give to the needy.

Day five:

Has started with a return to the shop above for some pastries, all seems well today and we were left to shop in peace. Here’s hoping it was a one off. We’ve take our friend to an appointment today and she is exceptionally nervous and anxious. Our visit this week has been building up to this and we are both mentally drained as a result of the amount of talking and reassurance we have had to give. But you know what? We are fine with this as our friend is in great need and it the least we can do. There will be plenty of time to rest when she is better. The important thing is to ensure she gets the help she requires before we head back north. And that is the difficult part.

And our appointment was semi successful but we have a way to go just yet. Baby steps as they say, there is a dim light at the end of a very long tunnel. We will get her there. Today I told my wife how proud I am of her, I don’t say it enough. The way she has dealt with every issue that has been thrown at her this week has been amazing. Just watching her has been a privilege and a pleasure. She truly is an amazing human being, and I am just so proud of her.

Day six:

We’re heading home later today and overall it’s been a semi successful trip, we still have a very unwell friend here, but we’ve set the wheels in motion and only time will tell. We’ve put things in place that should comfort and assist, and a care plan has been drawn up. I won’t say that it’s been a holiday, far from it, but it’s been nice to visit and help someone and that’s what is important. My wife continues to impress me with her ability to handle these awkward and sometimes concerning situations, but I guess that’s just her training and knowledge from dealing with such situations in the past. I am very proud of her.

I guess we will be heading back sometime around 2 pm so that we don’t hit the rush hour in all the big towns we pass through, I have a day off tomorrow when I will take all we have gathered here to the local hospice in Leicester, and then I’m back into work throughout the weekend and beyond. Hopefully my postings from now onwards will be a little more concise and less lengthy.

Stay safe, be happy.

Journal – Post five

It’s been a hectic week work wise, I’ve been on the night shift and whilst everyone has been sleeping I’ve been out on the lines ensuring everything is good for morning start up. Apart from the relentless rain we’ve been having, it’s definitely getting colder out there and I’ve noticed the trees are shedding their leaves a lot sooner than they did in last year’s mild autumn.

I managed to get hold of a good plumber who came around to fix the leaky radiator valve we had, a nice lad and very quick, in and out in about 30 mins, easy job for someone who knows what they are doing. Proof will be when the heating goes on, but I don’t foresee any issue. A good contact that has duly been added to the phone book.

Sunbury on Thames

We’re off for another adventure of sorts, heading down to visit my wife’s elderly friend in Sunbury on Thames, a lovely town with lots of history surrounding it. I’m going to be busy doing some odd jobs that she’s been saving up for me, so to be honest I’m going to be as happy as a pig in s**t to coin a phrase. No doubt the visit will involve plenty of cake and tea, we really look forward to these visits as she is a wonderful individual. She’s struggling with things at the moment, but that is where my wife is the best friend you could possibly have, listening to the pair of them talk I realise just how lucky I am to be with a person like her, she is so good and understanding of other people. I guess her time and experience working with dementia patients in hospitals and care homes has given her this gift. She really should have wings, she is an angel truly.

Tonight’s my last night shift prior to driving down tomorrow, I’m kind of hoping tonight’s shift won’t be too demanding but I lay money on it, as I’m planning an early departure towards London tomorrow it will be a hectic one.

Fingers crossed 🤞 but we will see what arises.

I’ll give another update in a few days once I’ve got some of my chores under my belt.

Peace to you all. Stay safe.

Journal – Post four

Been a few days since i last posted, to be honest we’ve been that busy and enjoying ourselves that there has been little time to put aside any time to anything else. However, back home now, I’m sitting in bed as the wife watches “Who wants to be a Millionaire?” and i now have that time to spare.

I last posted about our spontaneous decision to leave for Devon a day early and I’m pleased we did. we took a bus to Brixham and spent a lovely day browsing old shops, galleries and markets and to top it all the sun shined throughout.

Our relations made contact and that evening we went out for a lovely dinner in the country side, one of those eateries that the locals keep quiet from the tourists, splendid food and fantastic company – their secret is now out!

Friday, we are still awaiting the arrival some more relatives so i popped along to the train station owned by Dartmouth Steam railway to check on timings for a trip out to Dartmouth the following day when they all arrived. Tickets booked, i took some pictures of the train working the service that day and then returned to meet up with the wife.

Lydham manor

The current batch of family had all gathered at a local pub, so we made the decision to join them, i then reacquainted myself with a local brew called “Devon Dumpling” that i’d last tried at a remembrance festival in Paignton a few years back. God was my head heavy the following morning, I’ll never learn. But it’s good to meet an old friend.

A night off from the family and we ate at our hotel and headed off to bed. Our hotel funnily enough used to be a napoleonic naval hospital, and a nunnery, this probably explained some unaccounted bumps in the night, that said it was generally quiet and comfortable.

The following morning we headed up the hill into town where we had a light breakfast prior to joining our steam train to Kingswear, where we would then catch a short ferry ride across the river Dart to Dartmouth.

Leaving Kingswear

We spent a lovely few hours walking around the town, what a beautiful town it is too. Lots of shopping by the ladies, we had a lovely cream tea at an old establishment where the floor was about 2 degrees off of level, this was strange as we were all leaning slightly to the left to counteract the feeling, I’ve never eaten at an establishment and came away with a pain in the side purely down to the angle of the floor and not because of what we had eaten. Nice place though.

Another trip back home to get ready for the evenings party, the train was fantastic, it always amazes me the engineering that went into making these trains. They truly are works of art and deserve to be preserved for everyone by the fantastic individuals that volunteer their time to keep these amazing beasts on the rails.

It’s rained… it’s been dry since we arrived and tonight, the night of the party the heavens have opened. The party went really well and a good time was had by all, much was drunk, eaten and all topped off with questionable dance moves by the “Dad” contingent. Memories have been made throughout this break away.

And today we have all departed to our little corners of the uk, in fact we even had family from Johannesburg and Sydney, their journeys are a little more complex than ours however they are remaining in the Uk for a little longer before they depart. We’ve had invites to go to Australia, but thats not for me, I don’t want to be travelling for those ridiculous lengths of time and to be honest I don’t want to go to a country where every animal wants to kill you, and i have a an absolute fear, or should i say terror of spiders. It’s just not for me.

We had a good journey there and back and we are back home to more rain, it’s like we’ve never been away. Back to work tomorrow night, with a smile on my face and some fantastic memories.

Journal – Post three

The last few days haven’t been much to write home about but ill give it a go. Tabs the feral cat is most reluctant to go anywhere near her new house despite the weather still being awful. We have tried to coax her in by putting food in there but she will only go half in and half out preferring to hide away under the winter covered furniture down the garden. That’s her choice, we respect that and we will see what transpires.

I have managed to repair a couple of items that you will have seen separate posts about on this site. I’m really enjoying repairing the old retro stuff as well as taking a trip down memory lane at the same time. I have these now restored to such a good condition that i am keeping these displayed within the house and using them in equal measures.

Recent retro repairs

I’m looking at an old 70s digital watch that needs repair, it’s unknown territory for me but it’s something id like to have a go at. It’s only a low outlay, so there is no real loss if things go awry.

We’ve been shopping for decorating items for the ground floor of the house that the wife decided she wanted decorating prior to the arrival of family on Christmas day, who have been invited to dinner. We’ve seen wallpaper for the conservatory, paint for the hall and front room, but we just need the attention of an electrician and a plumber prior to these works commencing. That should be fun as no contractor seems to take on small jobs around here!

The winter heating is on. The boss lady decided it was going on, on the 1st October at 16:30 and I’m pleased to announce that it seemed to work in places. What i mean and i think i have mentioned it before , is that this is an old house that seems to prefer to stay cold, especially the kitchen and bathroom that both have a Nth facing aspect. They are buggers to try and get any heat into. But we will persist. One of the valves in the main bedroom has a tiny leak, nothing major but it will need replacing, hence the requirement for a plumber.

Work has been all that was expected of it in the last few days with autumn hitting with a vengeance. Leaves are falling at a greater rate than last year already as this year isn’t as mild as last, we’ve already had a couple of frosts and the trees are now doing their thing and letting go of their leafs. We’ve had a suicide that was quite traumatic for all involved, first for a while but even for these events we are now entering the season where more are expected, a horrible season for us all and for all those related to those who decide they just can’t go on anymore.

We’re off out for lunch today, with my in laws who live opposite us. Off to Rutland water, an immensely beautiful spot in the county of Rutland (Leicestershire) at a place called Barnsdale. I’m the nominated driver for today’s activity and it should be a nice afternoon away. However rain is still persistent as it has been for almost two weeks now, so it will not be dry, that is a certainty.

Tomorrow we are heading off for a few days to celebrate a relations 60th birthday in Devon. No work now for 5 days before heading back to a run of nightshifts from Monday. I’m looking forward to some nice romantic sea side walks, whatever the weather, and just spending it with the one my life revolves around, my lovely wife. I just can’t wait.

Journal – Post two

Good morning all and i trust you are well. For the second instalment of this riveting read i will bring you up to date with what has occurred in the last few days.

We have advanced from Summer to Autumn, we still have ridiculous amounts of rain fall, and to top that this morning we have had a hardy spread of frost. I’m really surprised about the weather to be honest, as normally at this time of year we are holidaying in Cyprus and when we are there they always seem to have a heatwave back home. This year seems to be an exception to the rule.

The usual discussion of “Should the heating go on” is high on the agenda at the moment, with the wife staunchly stating that it’s not going on before mid October. We live in a 1930s house with the rear of it facing North, to say its sometimes cool is an understatement, it leaks heat like a bucket with a hole, but in the heat of summer (if it ever happens) its as cool as you like. Great Mediterranean architecture design’s shouldn’t have been a consideration of builders in the 1930s UK.

Tabs house

I’ve mentioned about the feral cat we inherited when we purchased our house all those years ago, we call her “Tabs”. Well a couple of days ago the wife decided as the weather was still turning that she was going to buy Tabs a house. During the winter months she lives either under the covered garden furniture on the decking or in the next door neighbours garden under a lean to. It’s been fun watching the wife trying to coax Tabs into here new home, she will go in if we put treats in there but she firmly leaves her rear end poking out of it….she still needs convincing. We have had disagreements regarding its siting, i say it should be down the garden but the wife insists it should be near the back door. Time will tell. I lay money on it that our resident Hedgehog community will visit and check it out before too long.

Work has been gearing up to probably the season we hate most and that is leaf fall. It’s fast approaching and we will no doubt have trains slipping and sliding all over the network before too long. It’s a real challenge to get sites treated before this happens and it’s a busy time for us on the ground. People may laugh and scoff, but just don’t understand the issues that we face. It’s real, and it’s a real problem.

We are both suffering the holiday blues after a wonderful small break away in Norfolk, hence we have now booked all our holidays for next year. We didn’t go abroad this year as we knew our dog Alfie was unwell and we had decided our priority was him and looking after his wellbeing, we had a beautiful holiday with him this year in Devon that we will forever cherish. We still have a couple of small breaks this year, one is for a 60th birthday in Devon and the other is down in the Twickenham area of London to meet with a friend of the wife’s for a few days who is struggling with her health.

Next years agenda is like so: January back to Norfolk for a relaxing small break. February we are back to Iceland as we love it so. June we are back to Norfolk for a big family gathering and then to top it all we have treated ourselves to two weeks in Aruba in October. Never been there before, heard a lot about it so we are giving it a go. I should still have some days available after all of this that we will use for days out etc. We haven’t been this organised for years, and we both love having something to look forward to.

I’ve been back to fixing a few items but to be honest I’m not concentrating that well so my decision making whilst fault finding is a bit shot at the moment, I’ve stepped away for a few days to regain some composure then i will return.

Working late shifts at the moment 14-2200hrs and they are full on. I have a day off tomorrow and I’m looking forward to that as much as i would a holiday.

Look after yourselves and stay warm.