What details of your life could you pay more attention to?
Today’s “Hint” for the day is already proving to be quite a relevant one for me. Today I had planned for an early start as I had a couple of appointments arranged and a vehicle to get in for its MOT, all work based you understand.
Second failed appointment and I’m already thinking something is wrong.
It’s just me.
Today is the 30th and tomorrow is the 1st. I’m a day ahead of myself and I’ve been a right plum. All the appointments are for tomorrow not today.
Well at least that leaves me a clear work agenda today.
Doh! (In the finest Homer Simpson voice)
As time thunders on and the days roll by in what seems like minutes, the underlying issue here is me and my poor planning. That is what I need to pay more attention to. Mind you, that said some people could say it’s good planning as tomorrow is already sorted.
Maybe that is it. I should put a delay on my life for 24hrs.
I know I go on about him and I’m not ashamed of talking about him. He was a massive part of our life, and if you have never experienced the unconditional love of a pet I suggest you get one, you are missing out.
Alf, and footprint. Now complete with photo.
Today we needed one final picture to go into the frame that was supplied by the vet with his footprint made into a cast, taken when he passed away.
We now have these items on a shelf in a bookcase in the corner of the room. That’s now Alf’s shelf and it’s all about him.
Alf’s shelf
We come here and speak to him, we wish him good morning and good night and regularly tell him what a good boy he is. We cry here, I’m doing it now, how does such a beautiful, peaceful loving creature get taken away, why do we have to suffer grief.
That’s life I suppose. We were given a gift when he came into our care, and we absolutely cherished that opportunity we were given. But we want more. And we can’t have it. You can truly have too much of a good thing, a sizeable piece of us disappeared when Alf passed.
I know at the beginning I said if you have never experienced the unconditional love of a pet then get one. I add a caveat to that, just be prepared to have your heart and feelings ripped into a million pieces when they leave you.
If you are not prepared or can’t do it, then don’t. You are not ready yet.
I’m not soft, I’m free with my feelings, I can be tough when I have to be, and believe me, cross me or my family and you’d know. But here we have 5 kilos of fluff that just stole our hearts.
Grief is a bastard. But it’s one of those feelings in life you sign up to as part of the bargain of existence.
Haha I’m gonna cheat here. It starts today, we’re a little late here at Foxy towers with the spring clean thing. Whilst having our second cup of tea in bed this morning I raised the question of whether we need a new radiator in one of our rooms and it has flourished into a whole “let’s tart the house up,” so I have now inherited a challenge to redecorate top to bottom with the challenge of having the bottom bit done by Christmas, when the family are all coming for dinner.
And there I was in yesterday’s post saying I need to rest more!
I’m going to enjoy that though as I love a challenge.
My real priority everyday is to ensure I’m at my best and that my world is content, happy and feeling loved and protected. In other words my world is my wife. She is my number one priority everyday, always and forever. No questions.
Have a lovely Sunday all, I’m off shopping with the wife, I suspect it will involve paint and wall paper….and maybe a radiator…..or two!
Good morning all and i trust you are well. For the second instalment of this riveting read i will bring you up to date with what has occurred in the last few days.
We have advanced from Summer to Autumn, we still have ridiculous amounts of rain fall, and to top that this morning we have had a hardy spread of frost. I’m really surprised about the weather to be honest, as normally at this time of year we are holidaying in Cyprus and when we are there they always seem to have a heatwave back home. This year seems to be an exception to the rule.
The usual discussion of “Should the heating go on” is high on the agenda at the moment, with the wife staunchly stating that it’s not going on before mid October. We live in a 1930s house with the rear of it facing North, to say its sometimes cool is an understatement, it leaks heat like a bucket with a hole, but in the heat of summer (if it ever happens) its as cool as you like. Great Mediterranean architecture design’s shouldn’t have been a consideration of builders in the 1930s UK.
Tabs house
I’ve mentioned about the feral cat we inherited when we purchased our house all those years ago, we call her “Tabs”. Well a couple of days ago the wife decided as the weather was still turning that she was going to buy Tabs a house. During the winter months she lives either under the covered garden furniture on the decking or in the next door neighbours garden under a lean to. It’s been fun watching the wife trying to coax Tabs into here new home, she will go in if we put treats in there but she firmly leaves her rear end poking out of it….she still needs convincing. We have had disagreements regarding its siting, i say it should be down the garden but the wife insists it should be near the back door. Time will tell. I lay money on it that our resident Hedgehog community will visit and check it out before too long.
Work has been gearing up to probably the season we hate most and that is leaf fall. It’s fast approaching and we will no doubt have trains slipping and sliding all over the network before too long. It’s a real challenge to get sites treated before this happens and it’s a busy time for us on the ground. People may laugh and scoff, but just don’t understand the issues that we face. It’s real, and it’s a real problem.
We are both suffering the holiday blues after a wonderful small break away in Norfolk, hence we have now booked all our holidays for next year. We didn’t go abroad this year as we knew our dog Alfie was unwell and we had decided our priority was him and looking after his wellbeing, we had a beautiful holiday with him this year in Devon that we will forever cherish. We still have a couple of small breaks this year, one is for a 60th birthday in Devon and the other is down in the Twickenham area of London to meet with a friend of the wife’s for a few days who is struggling with her health.
Next years agenda is like so: January back to Norfolk for a relaxing small break. February we are back to Iceland as we love it so. June we are back to Norfolk for a big family gathering and then to top it all we have treated ourselves to two weeks in Aruba in October. Never been there before, heard a lot about it so we are giving it a go. I should still have some days available after all of this that we will use for days out etc. We haven’t been this organised for years, and we both love having something to look forward to.
I’ve been back to fixing a few items but to be honest I’m not concentrating that well so my decision making whilst fault finding is a bit shot at the moment, I’ve stepped away for a few days to regain some composure then i will return.
Working late shifts at the moment 14-2200hrs and they are full on. I have a day off tomorrow and I’m looking forward to that as much as i would a holiday.
In what ways does hard work make you feel fulfilled?
I’m of a generation that in general was a working generation where hard work was the norm if you wanted to get by. The computer only started to appear in its most basic form when I was in my last year of schooling, the mobile phone didn’t appear until a good few years later.
I think I’ve mentioned this before but I’m an individual who always has to be occupied with something, as I hate wasted time. My work involves a raft of different capabilities, I’m a classic “Jack of all trades and master of none” if that makes sense. My job is to get things moving on the rail network, that means calling in different skills and abilities to ensure the goal of getting things moving is achieved.
At home I’m always switched on and have to be doing something even if that’s a hobby activity to keep the mind busy. I have days off from work and the wife will openly tell you that if I don’t do something that I class it as a wasted day, I have to be busy.
However it’s become apparent over the last couple of years that this type of attitude can’t continue, if I’m tired the body is telling me something and I must rest. I had a little episode about 18 months back when I awoke one morning with horrendous double vision and then lost my sight for a few hours, now that was scary. It appears I had a type of mini stroke where a small bubble entered the fine blood vessels behind my eye causing the issue. That day my whole outlook changed and though I still like to keep busy, I have changed my ways somewhat and rest is now incorporated into my down time. Nothing is more important than your health.
So I’m still fulfilled by keeping busy, but now that has had to change to being fulfilled by keeping happy and healthy.
Too many people before me have worked themselves into an early grave. I don’t want to be another number in that statistic.
Again today we’ve been going through a whole raft of photos and we’ve chosen this one to sit alongside Alfie’s ashes. It’s a lovely photo of him with his head on the first stair, looking up at us getting ready as we’d told him he was about to go “Walkies” it sums him up perfectly. Beautiful boy 🥰
Alfie’s ashes – new picture
The second one we received as an anniversary present from my sister in Lancashire. It’s a lovely hand drawn pencil picture by a talented young lady of all our three boys. Bottom Left is Muffin who we had at the start of our marriage 33 years ago, bottom right is Digger who was next, and on the top with his trademark cocked head is our little Alfie. This is the only picture my wife wants on the wall of the boys as it is the three of them together.
The three boys. Muffs, Digs and Alf
What memories we have, and thousands of pictures to look back on and smile. We were so privileged to be gifted these three wonderful little souls. We have been so fortunate and lucky.
List three jobs you’d consider pursuing if money didn’t matter.
Throughout my working life I’ve done a multitude of jobs and a lot of them you wouldn’t get thanked for. I’ve had the ethic that I’d do any job and I have done that, from cleaning drains, emptying sewer pits and industrial deep cleaning. Thank less jobs but as I said I didn’t have the “I’m not doing that” attitude. Sometimes when you and the family are on hard times you just have to do it.
But for the sake of doing a list, here are three jobs I’d do for nothing.
Work in a Hedgehog sanctuary
Build traditional hedge fencing
Go around and repaint all those houses that people have painted grey. (It’s so 80’s) – (I apologise to anyone who has a grey house or especially grey windows. Nothing personal, It’s just up here in the East Midlands everyone seems to be going grey and i think there is enough grey in this world without adding to it.)
And that’s it for me, a little light hearted list of jobs I’d do for nothing. Especially the first two.
Today has been a so so kind of day. Here in the East Midlands it has been wet yet again. We have had so much rain in the last few days that apparently we have had four times the average monthly rainfall in just three days. It’s very wet to say the least.
Hence at work this has caused me problems today. People just don’t understand the effect water can have on the passage of a 2000 ton train, the water can undermine the stability of the tracks so when we have flooding, thats when the speed restrictions come into place. And my day today has involved completing a number of these checks to ensure all is well. On top of that i have had to deal with failed point work in the Melton Mowbray area as well as attending to a broken down train. It’s been a busy day, work started just before 05:30 and by the time i got back to base it was about 14:00. No breakfast today, no lunch as I didn’t get the time. Not too worried with that as we do have quieter days where we can do all of that. It’s all swings and roundabouts, give and take it works both ways.
Back home the wife has been playing catch up with the washing, not happy that due to the wet weather she cannot get the washing out for a blow, hence the conservatory looks like a London wash house as she engages the dehumidifier to dry everything inside. Good things these dehumidifiers, especially in an old house like ours, no damp here as a result.
The sister in law popped over with some old black and white negatives that she has found. She’s planning an anniversary gift for her husband as they have been married 55 years – it’s their Emerald wedding anniversary. He’s been a scooter fan since he was a teenager and still has one to this day, she’s unearthed a negative from when they first went on holiday together and its one of him sitting on his first scooter. I have a scanner so i was able to scan the negative and send it electronically to be printed, and i will collect it tomorrow. Meanwhile she and the wife have ordered a nice emerald trimmed frame that will arrive tomorrow for me to put the picture in. Her husband will love it, it’s a lovely memory and you can’t beat that. I love gifts that have had a lot of thought go into them, they don’t have to be expensive, but they can mean the world to someone.
We took a massive kick in the pants today when a very dear and lovely family member called to tell us she was undergoing investigation for that bastard big C. It’s only early days so we are all hopeful that it’s been caught early. She is so hard working she has learning difficulties and I don’t think she fully understands the seriousness of what she has been told bless her. We are here for her, and she knows she has our combined love, prayers and anything else we can do to help her through this damned unfair stage of her life. We love her so much .
We’ve spoken about Alf a lot today, its been lovely and we’ve uncovered more photos of him today, isn’t it funny that you get these photo memories come up on your phone that you’d completely forgotten about? His ashes sit on a shelf in the living room, and we talk to him as if he is still here. Well to be honest he is here, he was a massive presence even though he weighed littlle more than 6 kilos at his peak, he will be with us forever, and when we pop our clogs we will all be blended together in a big pile of ash to be distributed over one of our favourite places as a family. We will always be together.
Our Alfie
I was wandering about aimlessly earlier so the wife banished me to the conservatory to do some of my hobby stuff, i was able to fault find a unit I’m working on and tomorrow i will start to do some soldering and tidying up. I also had a work colleague come into work with a set of lights that need fixing, he’d heard that i do this stuff so I’ve managed to land another little job to keep me occupied, it all helps to maintain the sanity and keep the grey matter active.
Overall it’s been a good day, with a sprinkling of the downright unfair, there has been plenty going on and I’ve kept active, just as i like it. But tonight my thoughts are with my dear relative who has had awful news today. I said this journal would be a load of chat about everything and nothing really, but sitting here typing this has made me look back at the day and realise that i have achieved stuff, may be nothing major, but it is so easy to sit down and say you did nothing today.
Write it down and watch your day unfold in front of you and say – “Yes, i did plenty of stuff, and i achieved something today, and people need me.”
I kept a hand written journal up until February this year when I decided I’d use the WP platform instead.
Though this has given me ability and time to express thoughts and hobby information I think I’ve drifted slightly from the original intention. I need to start Journaling again, I have read through my previous entries in the book and it’s good to see what has improved, where I can improve and what has been successful. I need to go back to that, so from now on I will occasionally post some thoughts and feelings. Maybe it will help me. Maybe not. Who knows.
I’m still going to do the usual stuff and carry on the hobbies, that needs to be done to keep me out of a rut.
Last night, my wife openly cried in my arms, she is totally wrecked at losing our little lad Alf back in August. My heart broke when she cried “I want him back”. I was at a loss and I still am as I can’t make her wish come true. Grief is an absolute bastard, and we are both struggling to get to terms with it. I know time will heal, but I just don’t know what to do.
Hey ho, it starts here I guess. I will title it as journal followed by a date, so it’s easy for you to avoid seeing. It helps me, and who knows it might help someone else.
Spread joy and happiness throughout the world? YAWN 🥱
There is so much we could do more of, personally it has always been a challenge for me to be a better version of what I am. My good lady challenges me regularly asking why I think this, and to be honest I just look back at my father and compare myself to him, he was a nasty horrible man.
She keeps telling me there is no comparison and I’m nothing like him, but to me I can see comparisons and that’s what I don’t like. That’s why I challenge myself to be better than him, and constantly try to do more of that.
He’s been dead getting on for twenty years now, and he haunts me to this day.
I could certainly do more of dropping the demons and getting on with what I have left. It’s a fight.
And it looks like that’s what I’m destined to do, more fighting.
Foxes Den 
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