Tag: dog

End of life

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

That has to be ending the life of a much loved and cherished member of the family, a pet.

In our married life we have had three wonderful little Bichon Frise dogs, who we have rightly or wrongly treated as our children, they have wanted for nothing and had the best that we could bestow on them. We have never had children as we can’t, we obviously upset someone in a previous life and that privilege and pleasure has been taken away from us. We needed surrogates and the dogs were those stand ins. We were very happy.

There comes a time where you have to let go, you notice changes in an animals behaviour, the little whimpers, the constant sleep and the inability to do things, the little looks you get and the realisation that their quality of life is deteriorating. Decisions have to be made.

That final journey to the vets, me driving, my wife cuddling the little package on the back seat and the fight to see through the flood of tears that are clouding your eyes.

The vets bench, the dogs wagging his tail, he’s ok you think, but he’s not. The injection to subdue him, he rests, the second injection and then he’s gone.

The lonely drive home knowing you have left a family member behind, the sadness you are going to feel everyday going forward.

The little things you miss, the what ifs? that suddenly come to mind and the guilt you feel for ending a perfect little life.

We’ve done that three times now and it hurts so damned much, I don’t think we will ever be able to do it again as the pain is just unbearable.

Life is full of hard decisions, but when it ends in the death of a much loved companion, I just don’t think there are many such decisions that are harder to make.

Peace to all. Be safe.

Walking

What is your favorite form of physical exercise?

Walking.

I’m one of those who’d sooner walk than jump in the car. Yesterday for instance a 3 mile drive would have taken a few minutes and I could have sat at home with my feet up.

No. I walked.

Two years on the trot myself and my dog Alf took on the “Walk 1000 miles” challenge and we smashed it. Unfortunately he is no longer with us and my mileage has dropped considerably as I no longer have that purpose. I need to break that attitude and get back to it as I love walking.

It’s so natural we all do it everyday. I just need to do more of it.

Have a super day.

Alfs memorial shelf

I know I go on about him and I’m not ashamed of talking about him. He was a massive part of our life, and if you have never experienced the unconditional love of a pet I suggest you get one, you are missing out.

Alf, and footprint. Now complete with photo.

Today we needed one final picture to go into the frame that was supplied by the vet with his footprint made into a cast, taken when he passed away.

We now have these items on a shelf in a bookcase in the corner of the room. That’s now Alf’s shelf and it’s all about him.

Alf’s shelf

We come here and speak to him, we wish him good morning and good night and regularly tell him what a good boy he is. We cry here, I’m doing it now, how does such a beautiful, peaceful loving creature get taken away, why do we have to suffer grief.

That’s life I suppose. We were given a gift when he came into our care, and we absolutely cherished that opportunity we were given. But we want more. And we can’t have it. You can truly have too much of a good thing, a sizeable piece of us disappeared when Alf passed.

I know at the beginning I said if you have never experienced the unconditional love of a pet then get one. I add a caveat to that, just be prepared to have your heart and feelings ripped into a million pieces when they leave you.

If you are not prepared or can’t do it, then don’t. You are not ready yet.

I’m not soft, I’m free with my feelings, I can be tough when I have to be, and believe me, cross me or my family and you’d know. But here we have 5 kilos of fluff that just stole our hearts.

Grief is a bastard. But it’s one of those feelings in life you sign up to as part of the bargain of existence.

Peace to you all.

A couple of pictures of our dogs

Again today we’ve been going through a whole raft of photos and we’ve chosen this one to sit alongside Alfie’s ashes. It’s a lovely photo of him with his head on the first stair, looking up at us getting ready as we’d told him he was about to go “Walkies” it sums him up perfectly. Beautiful boy 🥰

Alfie’s ashes – new picture

The second one we received as an anniversary present from my sister in Lancashire. It’s a lovely hand drawn pencil picture by a talented young lady of all our three boys. Bottom Left is Muffin who we had at the start of our marriage 33 years ago, bottom right is Digger who was next, and on the top with his trademark cocked head is our little Alfie. This is the only picture my wife wants on the wall of the boys as it is the three of them together.

The three boys. Muffs, Digs and Alf

What memories we have, and thousands of pictures to look back on and smile. We were so privileged to be gifted these three wonderful little souls. We have been so fortunate and lucky.

Smile today, make someone’s day.

Pinch pottery

This last week I have been away at a lovely location in Norfolk enjoying a few days away with the family.

There was an activity taking place that was an introduction to pottery, and here they were going to teach a technique that has been around for millenniums – Pinch pottery. I did pottery at school and was ok with it but I never made anything to write home about.

A simple pinch pot

To be totally honest I had no idea as to what I was going to do, but everything I’m doing lately seems to be in memory of our little dog who passed away in August of this year. Still very raw, I think of him a lot, and I’ve made this little pot for him. Yep it’s crap but it’s my crap, it’s a reminder of good times for me, a cartoon representation of him and on the rear of it I’ve signed it and stated where I made it.

It’s my first attempt in about 45 yrs and everyone has to start somewhere. I doubt I will take it up as a hobby at home but I enjoyed it, and for a small period of time I was productive, something I have been lacking in of late. It was most therapeutic.

My finished masterpiece…not

It’s now home, and in the next few weeks I will paint and seal it and hopefully have a nicely presented little keepsake. You can see the finished item here: Pinch Pottery Pt:2

I love trying new things, I loved doing this and who knows I may book a class and look at doing more in the future, just not at home. The missus would kill me 😂

Tattoo me

Whilst I understand fully why people don’t like tattoos, I personally love them. Yes there are some awful ones out there however many are works of art and those that dispense them are artists.

For me they represent something I love, a time or a place that brings great comfort or memories flooding back to me, representing something deeply personal and special that has featured prominently in my life.

Alfs paw print from the vet

And this one is for my best mate, Alf who sadly left us on the 16th August this year.

Before and during the inking

When Alf passed away the first thing the vet did was take a paw print off of him that was put into a card, I said to my wife at this point that I’d have a word with my tattooist, Pablo, and see if he could do something with it. Today I have met with Pablo and the tattoo is being done.

Cling filmed for a couple of hours prior to washing

Alf was known throughout the family as “Alfie Moon” and I asked for this to be incorporated into the finished tattoo, and after about an hour the job is done and though a bit sore im really pleased with the outcome.

It won’t be in its full glory until the healing has finished in a week or two, for now it’s all about keeping it clean and protected and moisturised until that time.

Finished just needs to heal

It’s my way of remembering a faithful friend and companion that I now know will be forever with me, in my memory and now etched on to me. When people ask I can tell them the many stories of “Alfie Moon” – A very good boy.

Tattoos, taboo in many peoples eyes, but try to see the world through the eyes of others, it is an art form and art is a form of expression. If it helps, it cannot be a bad thing. And in my case my tattoos tell my life story and those special people, animals and places that have touched it.

I’m a walking art gallery, to some.

But probably not to others, the choice is yours, and yours alone.

It’s my journal

Why do you blog?

During my working life I have so far experienced, 17 traumatic suicides on the railway. I am more often than not the first person on site and have to make access to the site, safe for all the emergency personnel about to arrive en masse. I have seen things no one should ever expect to witness. And I sincerely hope you never do.

For this reason, I have had health issues mainly around PTSD that I was diagnosed as having just two years ago, after a young lad ended his life on my shift. That one affected me, though i often go into self denial that this was the cause. Though in all seriousness it was probably the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

I used to journal as a result. It wasn’t a private journal, I used to have it beside the bed and actively encourage my wife to read it. At the time I was hiding a lot of my feelings from my wife, I was the typical bloke that wouldn’t talk, however I was storing this all inside and even I could see this was heading straight towards becoming the perfect storm. I’m glad I did that as it helped her and it also helped me to prompt conversation and off load some of that weight from my shoulders.

Blogging became the natural progression from the journal. The family now have links to this blog and they all check in on a regular basis to see what I am doing. I include all the hobby stuff and it is now more of a website than a blog site.

I sit here typing as I am now at 4 in the morning and the wife will turn to me and say, “Are you doing your blog?” And I will say yes. She knows that this is my way of healing some scars by just offloading the excess baggage that life supplies sometimes. And do you know what? It works for me. I don’t do it for followers as that’s not what I’m about. To be honest it wouldn’t bother me if not a single person read my site, for me I have a history at my fingertips where I can check my progress. I have bad days, I have days where I do nothing but whinge, but I can now see why these things happen and that’s all down to this blog.

That’s why I blog, this last month has been awful as my constant companion, Alf, our dog, another who would just sit and listen to me wagging his little tail passed away and it has just ripped the hearts out of my wife and I. See his pictures here: Alfie. All hobbies and interests have disappeared as we have just entered that, “Can’t be arsed” stage of grief. We will come to terms with it in time, and again this is where the blog helps.

Hopefully people will understand this. I’m just a guy who is suffering but I have found a way to let off that steam, accumulated as a result of other peoples desperate actions.

It’s tough, but I won’t let the demons win. It is a daily battle that I doubt I will win in the long run but hopefully I can put it aside for a good while longer.

I really wish for peace for you all.

Talk,

Blog,

It really helps.

Alfie’s ready to come home…

That was the call we’ve just had from the vets. A lovely and quite melancholy call to be honest, just as if he’s had a minor procedure and he has awoken and is now ready to come home.

Reality is a little more stark. We are now heading down to collect our little fellah after he has been cremated.

Our beautiful lad has come home

We didn’t know what to expect to be honest, do we take a bag? Is he in a polythene bag? My wife was upset as she’d taken the call as I had been on nights and was in bed. I had this overwhelming feeling yesterday that he’d be coming home today, so in a way when I awoke I wasn’t surprised, strange isn’t it?

We needn’t have fretted, it was all so professional. He’s in a lovely woodland scene tube, we didn’t want a sealed casket as we wanted his ashes to go with ours in the end, please don’t judge us, it’s what we want and you will never understand just what this little character meant to us.

Paw print
Lock of hair
A beautiful paw print photo frame

We also have a certificate of individual cremation, with lovely words, we have a lovely little picture frame memento with his paw print, we now have to pick a picture from the thousands we have of him, no easy task and I suspect we will have words about this. The vets have taken a cutting of his fur and put it in a small phial, lovely touch. We have two beautiful cards with his paw print on, and I will be using one of these to get a permanent tattoo on my arm with his pet name as he was known to many in the family- “Alfie Moon”.

The feeling in the house at the moment is nice, all the doubt we had has now gone, and we are so happy with the professional service we have experienced.

We can now move on to the healing stage, as he is now home. It’s so weird that the immense feeling of grief has lifted and a modicum of calmness and happiness has returned, it needed to as it had been missing for some time now.

Our lad is home, where he deserves to be. And he will be with us forever more.

Welcome home son ❤️

A day of necessary chores

Anyone who’s picked up on these posts of mine of recent days will know that we lost a very important member of our family on Friday just gone. Our dog Alfie went to sleep after suffering a number of ailments over the past years, culminating in a steep decline in his quality of life in the last couple of months.

It’s a tough and harrowing decision to make, bringing an end to a life that has brought nothing but intense joy and happiness to yours for the last 11yrs and 3 months.

But we had to do it, he couldn’t suffer anymore.

The hole that opened up in our family that day was immense. We stopped eating, our diet has been tears and cuddles and just constantly comforting each other. Along with this now is a list of chores that have to be done, like it or not his stuff has to be sorted, what do we keep? What do we donate? What do we dispose of?

Me, I want to keep it all but I have to be realistic, we don’t want to delete him from our memories as that will never happen, we don’t want to remove his presence from our home as it was his as well as ours. However there are unfortunate animals out there that would greatly benefit from Alf’s legacy and that’s what today is about.

Firstly we return to the vets, we have cards and gifts for the staff there who have all been super towards our little lad, we’re not looking forward to this but it has to be done, we have to settle his account as we left there Friday broken and gibbering wrecks.

Secondly we head to the Local dogs trust homing centre where we can donate Towels, Bedding and an elderly dog stroller

Thirdly we will go to the local hospice shop where we can donate other items, that again will help this wonderful charity.

It’s going to be hard, the house is going to be a little emptier today. But his legacy will be that he is helping others both canine and human, and isn’t that a wonderful thing.

I’m sure I will write a lot more about him on here and I’m not apologetic for that at all. My wife and I are still very raw about his passing and we will breakdown at a moments notice, however we are supporting each other, and doing what we can to ease the pain, and not forget him. Walks and talks are now our priority, it helps.

It’s amazing how, you can fall so madly in love with an animal, another species. Life really is wonderful and heartbreaking in equal measures.

Peace to you all

A little break away part three

Our last day today was a hot one. Here in sunny Broadstairs it hit a balmy 28 degrees so I suspect summer has now officially been and gone.

We have a family wedding up north in about seven weeks and I’ve been hanging around in getting a new suit, as the only one I seem to have that fits now is the one used for funerals. Probably not good to turn up at a celebration wearing that I guess. No I’ve been good and got myself a nice new three piece one that should do the job, I’m very happy with it and the wife has also given her seal of approval so I suspect for once, the boys done good!

Whilst we were shopping we came across this strange sign. I know Apple have brought out the iPhone, iPad, iWatch etc I’m just curious to know what this is:

Icrack…what’s that then?

I’m wondering, does it tell the time or stream the internet? The mind boggles. Do I need one or shall I stick with what I have….oooerrr missus.

That aside we’ve had a lovely day just walking around the seafront people watching. Tonight we have been out to celebrate a 50th Birthday at Sittingborne dog track, otherwise known as Central Park stadium.

12 races, a lovely dinner and some alcohol free drinks as yours truly was driving. Spent a little, lost a little, didn’t come out any better off. Gambling is a mugs game, thank god I don’t do it that often. I don’t really know what I’m doing, maybe that’s the problem. Anyway it was fun and good to meet up with distant family.

And they’re off
Winning post
One of tonight’s winners
Betting…a mugs game.

So I sit here perusing the past week and what a fantastic time we’ve had. The driving is by far the worst part and by tomorrow afternoon I will have racked up almost 800 miles, and on Uk roads that isn’t fun. However we’ve made memories, spent time with the family and seen friends we have not seen in a while. So the inconvenience of driving pales into insignificance considering what we have done.

I’m looking forward to the next get together in about 7 weeks from now. I’m just not looking forward to the last leg of driving from Kent to the East Midlands tomorrow.

But I’m sure it will all be worth it.