Tag: loss

Heck, I miss going Walkies.

A year ago today we lost our little dog Alf. It’s been a tough year and I must say time has not been a good healer, it’s as tough now as it was back then and he’s left a massive void in our family structure.

I’d say now that if you aren’t an animal lover then read no further. You wouldn’t understand.

However if you have a modicum of appreciation for a species that loves another being, unconditionally, then please read on.

Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔

I wrote this last year at his passing, nothing has changed.

Alf – our little fellah

I really miss walking this little fellow.

Good day to you all. Have a happy and peaceful one.

Allergies and sacrifice

Allergic reactions have been an affliction that have been part of my entire life, and still are. Fortunately my allergies are not as threatening as many that are present in society, saying that one actually is, but I’ve managed it well so far.

Hay-fever: has been a pain in the ass since childhood, the nice weather comes and my eyes stream and the snot flows (Not a pleasant sight and i apologise for being blunt in my description) I always think i have it under control and then it hits, usually after i have omitted to take the days dosage of medicine, so thats entirely my fault.

Asthma: this is the dangerous one and has to be monitored and treated seriously. Again I’ve had this right from Childhood, fortunately I’ve never had to be hospitalised for it, i have a good regime to treat it and medications are taken without fail and are always on my person should i ever have an emergency.

That’s my allergies and now i will get onto the reason i titled this post so. If someone told you to sacrifice something most dear to you to relieve or eliminate an allergy completely, would you?

Well it appears that after my most recent Asthma review i do have an allergy to pet fur. This both surprises me, and in hind sight, doesn’t really surprise me if you get my drift. We’ve had pet dogs for the last 35 years and only last year our last dog Alfie passed away. We have been pet free apart from the feral feline that resides in our garden now for about 8 months. My review shows that my breathing and management of the condition has improved immensely in this short period and compared to previous reviews this is the best i have been for almost 15 years.

Our dogs were the Bichon frise breed. Anyone who knows the breed will know that they are about as hypo allergenic as you can get in a dog as they just don’t moult. There are never any issues when they jump on the furniture as they don’t leave a trail of dog hair as many other breeds do, its one of the reasons we obtained this breed all those years ago when we did our research on them.

But the latest results from my doctor do make some sense. Alf suffered from a nasty condition called Sebacious Adenitis, basically an immune condition where his own body was trying to kill his skin. He was on drugs that are given to humans to prevent organ rejection and he had to be bathed regularly every two days, and i did this without question or complaint for the last 2 years of his life. I did notice that when i dried and brushed him, for a few hours after i would become very itchy on my hands and very reliant on my Asthma inhalers. The signs were there but I didn’t really make the connection.

My question is then, would you sacrifice something that you love so much and that gives you so much pleasure to relieve the discomfort of an allergy?

There are probably two answers here, and i fully understand both. If the allergy is life threatening then its a no brainer, the animals would have to go, it’s a sad choice but you have to preserve your quality of life.

For the person like me where it’s more of an inconvenience rather than a life threatening situation, i’d happily relive that time all over again.

We’ve decided that we will be having no more pets. This decision was already made by us simply because we believe the three beautiful dogs that have accompanied us through our lives, were in our eyes the best three dogs ever. They cannot be replaced and i would never want to get a pet to attempt to fill that role. However now, even meeting other dogs in our family circle my eyes swell and i get all stuffy, so the issue was always there, but it has taken the passing of a much loved pet to realise the scale of the problem in the first place.

No more pets for us then. It’s hard to say my life has improved since his passing, it seems such a wrong thing to say. But i must admit health wise i have improved greatly.

But I would sacrifice this well being at the drop of a hat for a little discomfort and more time in their presence.

Stay safe.

Desperately seeking Dolly

I’m parked in a local park. I’m waiting for my wife who has a hair appointment, and I’m now looking for Dolly.

That last day. Me and Alf in this very carpark

Who’s Dolly?

Dolly is a puppy, she would be 18 months old now and when I last saw her it was on the 16th August 2024. The day our Alf lost his battle with his illness and went to sleep. Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔

We took a little walk into the park that day and he just sat at the entrance, nothing left in the tank, when an 11 month old bundle of fluff bounced up to him and wanted to play. He let her sniff around but he didn’t stir from his staring out into the fields where he once used to bound around just like Dolly.

Nothing in the tank, just so tired

I spoke with Dollys owners and told them what was happening that day, Dolly did not want to leave him, she knew something.

It was a sad and at the same time wonderful thing to see, as one life was ending and an exciting new one was just beginning.

I often pop back here in the hope that I will see Dolly again, even my wife encourages me to do so. I just want to say thank you to her and her owners, it was a beautiful moment when they both met but so tragically cut short. They would have been great friends as Alf loved everyone and didn’t have a bad bone in his body.

And if her owners allow, I want to give her a big cuddle. Another beautiful little soul.

Until then I’m still desperately seeking Dolly.

Peace.

Missing My Loyal Companion: A Tribute to Prince

Words fall short of capturing his true essence. If only the strength of love could have anchored him here, but now he’s gone. He was never merely an …

Missing My Loyal Companion: A Tribute to Prince

I’ve just read this post on the “Old man pondering” blog page and it really struck a chord with me. Kind of reminded me of that horrible day last August when our dear little four legged companion finally left us. It’s true to say it feels as bad now as it did back then. Grief and loss is a horrible experience.

Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔

Our beautiful lad, Alf ❤️

Only the good die young

Never a truer quote.

And today it’s hit hard. Really hard.

I have been on a run of night shifts this week, and when I awoke this afternoon, I checked my phone and I had a missed call. I listened to the message and tears flooded my eyes. A fantastic colleague and friend had passed away as I slept and its hit me hard.

20th April 2014. We won.

Chris had been a slave to the big “C” for a couple of years now, he had his ups and downs and for a while he seemed to be winning. But that bastard Cancer did not allow him any respite and today I have lost a wonderful friend and colleague.

Chris was a signaller on the route between Leicester and Peterborough and I used to regularly meet him at signal boxes between Melton Mowbray and Oakham. He, like me was a fan of Leicester City football club, and we loved nothing better than to talk about the club and try to sort the issues out in our own way, just as every football fan across the country does.

Chris spotted on Tv at the Leicester v WBA match 20th April 2024

The pictures above were broadcast on BBC tv when we were playing West Bromwich Albion in the championship in April 2024. We won that game so we both had something positive to chat about.

Something to talk about

51 years of age is no age at all.

Chris was a wonderful human being and a lovely soul. He always had a smile to greet you and there was always the offer of a cup of tea the moment you walked through the door. Some people are put on this earth to make others lives better, and Chris was one of those people. Now he has left us and the world will be a sadder place for it.

My life has been blessed for knowing him, he was an outstanding work colleague, and i am glad our paths crossed. He will always be remembered with fondness.

RIP friend – Foxes never quit

A day with those who have gone before

Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.

If just for 24hrs you could be with those you miss the most, those who have gone before you who have left you with so many unanswered questions, this would be the perfect day.

To spend more time with loved ones, to walk another mile with them, hold hands and just look at that reassuring smile, how lovely would that be?

Talking with them to the point that comfort and assurance is restored and having those doubts and worries brushed away. To know they really are happy, well and worry free, and that you are loved and still looked after, wouldn’t that just be perfect?

The end of the day would come, you’d be upset for sure, you’d say gentle goodbyes, but this time you’d be smiling, what a difference to the last time you parted company. You could now live the rest of your life free and without the worries and doubts of your past to haunt you. No more grieving.

Never again to ask the question, “What if?” as you’d already have the answers.

What a lovely day that would be❤️

2024-2025

Probably one of hundreds of thousands of similar posts that will go out around midnight as the clock strikes 12, I’m loving this year seeing some blogs I follow calling up “Happy new year” many hours prior to us even getting there. It’s lovely to see and I return the compliment of Happy new year, I sincerely hope that the coming year is kind to you and that you achieve all that you set out to do. I really do.

When discussing the years, we normally say it’s a good or a bad one, I’ve had one of those years where I’ve suffered loss, it has really hurt and still does. But it wasn’t a bad year. The last four months have been awful I won’t deny that, but the eight prior ones were fantastic as we spent good, quality time with that family member, and fantastic life long memories were made forever. I am so thankful for being blessed with having that individual in my life. He was a gift to us, and the Lord called him home to be at his side. We were blessed, you can really have too much of a good thing.

Going forward into 2025 we have a lot of plans, and hopefully these will come to fruition along the way. We don’t plan too strictly as plans often fail but they can always be scheduled for a more appropriate time. Happiness and contentment are all we really want, we don’t want anything material, we have all we need. We are by no way rich, far from it, but we are extremely wealthy where it comes to love and appreciation for what we have, what we have had, and whatever is coming our way in the future.

We are all blessed, I’ve stated in an earlier post that the fact we are all on this small planet in a vast universe, is outstanding, the odds on you being here are 40 Trillion to one. You are a very special and important person. It’s an exclusive club for sure.

Don’t cringe at this next statement, its corny but let’s hope the year brings less war and hate and more peace and compassion. I doubt it will, but we can all dream.

I send greetings to you, your family and friends and sincerely wish you all the most happy and joyful of years.

Be the special person, help that one person in need. Change the world, if only for that one person.

Love and peace to you all.

Digital killed the film star

Me having a moment

This picture was painted on an iPad. I did this one back in 2012, I’d just received notification that my pension pot with Kodak had almost halved due to them declaring bankruptcy and moving production back to the USA. Sod everyone else who worked for them worldwide.

We lost out big time and that’s why I had a rant in this obscure painting I did at the time.

My World

When are you most happy?

Like a broken old loop from an Eastenders sub plot, lots of people will say “When I am with family”. Well that doesn’t work for me. My family were an extremely dysfunctional unit and to be honest we were probably best kept apart. My dear darling mother died on this day 20 yrs ago, she was the glue that held our family together and once she had gone the rot set in.

However, I have my own small arm of the family that consists of just my wife and I. It used to have a third member, little Alf our dog, but he unfortunately passed away in August of this year and what I always refer to as “My World” again collapsed, so now we are two.

Alfie Bichon Frise

Home is my safe place and that is where I feel safe with the only person I know that knows me better than I know myself. After 33 years of marriage I am still excited to go home at the end of a working day, and I can’t wait to see her again.

My world

I’m just scared that one day My World will collapse again, but I will not dwell on the future, I will concentrate constantly on ensuring that My World is content, happy and safe and most importantly cared for.

Peace

A day of necessary chores

Anyone who’s picked up on these posts of mine of recent days will know that we lost a very important member of our family on Friday just gone. Our dog Alfie went to sleep after suffering a number of ailments over the past years, culminating in a steep decline in his quality of life in the last couple of months.

It’s a tough and harrowing decision to make, bringing an end to a life that has brought nothing but intense joy and happiness to yours for the last 11yrs and 3 months.

But we had to do it, he couldn’t suffer anymore.

The hole that opened up in our family that day was immense. We stopped eating, our diet has been tears and cuddles and just constantly comforting each other. Along with this now is a list of chores that have to be done, like it or not his stuff has to be sorted, what do we keep? What do we donate? What do we dispose of?

Me, I want to keep it all but I have to be realistic, we don’t want to delete him from our memories as that will never happen, we don’t want to remove his presence from our home as it was his as well as ours. However there are unfortunate animals out there that would greatly benefit from Alf’s legacy and that’s what today is about.

Firstly we return to the vets, we have cards and gifts for the staff there who have all been super towards our little lad, we’re not looking forward to this but it has to be done, we have to settle his account as we left there Friday broken and gibbering wrecks.

Secondly we head to the Local dogs trust homing centre where we can donate Towels, Bedding and an elderly dog stroller

Thirdly we will go to the local hospice shop where we can donate other items, that again will help this wonderful charity.

It’s going to be hard, the house is going to be a little emptier today. But his legacy will be that he is helping others both canine and human, and isn’t that a wonderful thing.

I’m sure I will write a lot more about him on here and I’m not apologetic for that at all. My wife and I are still very raw about his passing and we will breakdown at a moments notice, however we are supporting each other, and doing what we can to ease the pain, and not forget him. Walks and talks are now our priority, it helps.

It’s amazing how, you can fall so madly in love with an animal, another species. Life really is wonderful and heartbreaking in equal measures.

Peace to you all