Tag: love

No. It’s not just a mirror

There’s a little story that has developed here. Spring cleaning the house today and a mirror appears out of a cupboard and my wife has said,” You don’t need that, that can go.”

The mirror

At this statement I jumped up and unusually for me I gave the wife a firm reply of, “No” and told her it’s not going anywhere, there is a story behind that mirror and I then poured it out to her. Just as I am about to do so now to you all.

The mirror was a purchase from a Sunday magazine sometime in the mid 80s, nothing overly expensive but it always made me smile.

I’d just left home as my father’s abusive behaviour had taken a more violent turn. I was ashamed of myself for deserting my sister and mother, but I was just so fed up of being attacked both physically and mentally that I just snapped and left home.

I was about 18, I sofa surfed for a while, occasionally I sneaked into my workplace at night and slept there, I was all over the place and then found a spare room for rent in a property close by to where I’d originally lived. I had some stability in my life at last and was learning very quickly about moving on in life and the new responsibilities I’d now taken on. I then purchased this mirror, and would smile when I looked into it, it gave me some much needed fun and laughter in my life. Something that had been in very short supply for a while.

Then one night I broke when my sister appeared at the door, to tell me my father was attacking my mother, I grabbed the nearest thing to me that just happened to be a metal pole from an old photographic enlarger and I ran like the wind to their house. I charged up the stairs to their bedroom and stood over my father telling him just how I felt, and what a B***ard he was. I was about to bring that pole down on him when I realised he was in such a drunken stupor, he didn’t even know I was there, but beside him my Mum was reaching out to me weeping and calling my name. What she told me whilst we were embracing there is highly private and will always remain so, the crux of it was that she never wanted me to leave and begged me to come home.

I was back in that house before he’d even sobered up the following day. And that mirror I’d brought was on my bedroom wall where it stayed for a good few years.

I told my wife the story, and that the cheap worthless mirror was a subtle reminder of the time I started to turn my life around. I’d overcome fear of a tyrant and become the protector of the two most important people in my life at that time, my mum and younger sister. And I stayed with them until they both stepped away from this horrific existence.

A cheap mirror it maybe. But it still makes me smile. The wife has now said it must stay and be prominent in the house.

This picture was taken today, look, I’m smiling as I’m deciding where to put it up.

May it see many more smiles.

Allergies and sacrifice

Allergic reactions have been an affliction that have been part of my entire life, and still are. Fortunately my allergies are not as threatening as many that are present in society, saying that one actually is, but I’ve managed it well so far.

Hay-fever: has been a pain in the ass since childhood, the nice weather comes and my eyes stream and the snot flows (Not a pleasant sight and i apologise for being blunt in my description) I always think i have it under control and then it hits, usually after i have omitted to take the days dosage of medicine, so thats entirely my fault.

Asthma: this is the dangerous one and has to be monitored and treated seriously. Again I’ve had this right from Childhood, fortunately I’ve never had to be hospitalised for it, i have a good regime to treat it and medications are taken without fail and are always on my person should i ever have an emergency.

That’s my allergies and now i will get onto the reason i titled this post so. If someone told you to sacrifice something most dear to you to relieve or eliminate an allergy completely, would you?

Well it appears that after my most recent Asthma review i do have an allergy to pet fur. This both surprises me, and in hind sight, doesn’t really surprise me if you get my drift. We’ve had pet dogs for the last 35 years and only last year our last dog Alfie passed away. We have been pet free apart from the feral feline that resides in our garden now for about 8 months. My review shows that my breathing and management of the condition has improved immensely in this short period and compared to previous reviews this is the best i have been for almost 15 years.

Our dogs were the Bichon frise breed. Anyone who knows the breed will know that they are about as hypo allergenic as you can get in a dog as they just don’t moult. There are never any issues when they jump on the furniture as they don’t leave a trail of dog hair as many other breeds do, its one of the reasons we obtained this breed all those years ago when we did our research on them.

But the latest results from my doctor do make some sense. Alf suffered from a nasty condition called Sebacious Adenitis, basically an immune condition where his own body was trying to kill his skin. He was on drugs that are given to humans to prevent organ rejection and he had to be bathed regularly every two days, and i did this without question or complaint for the last 2 years of his life. I did notice that when i dried and brushed him, for a few hours after i would become very itchy on my hands and very reliant on my Asthma inhalers. The signs were there but I didn’t really make the connection.

My question is then, would you sacrifice something that you love so much and that gives you so much pleasure to relieve the discomfort of an allergy?

There are probably two answers here, and i fully understand both. If the allergy is life threatening then its a no brainer, the animals would have to go, it’s a sad choice but you have to preserve your quality of life.

For the person like me where it’s more of an inconvenience rather than a life threatening situation, i’d happily relive that time all over again.

We’ve decided that we will be having no more pets. This decision was already made by us simply because we believe the three beautiful dogs that have accompanied us through our lives, were in our eyes the best three dogs ever. They cannot be replaced and i would never want to get a pet to attempt to fill that role. However now, even meeting other dogs in our family circle my eyes swell and i get all stuffy, so the issue was always there, but it has taken the passing of a much loved pet to realise the scale of the problem in the first place.

No more pets for us then. It’s hard to say my life has improved since his passing, it seems such a wrong thing to say. But i must admit health wise i have improved greatly.

But I would sacrifice this well being at the drop of a hat for a little discomfort and more time in their presence.

Stay safe.

Desperately seeking Dolly

I’m parked in a local park. I’m waiting for my wife who has a hair appointment, and I’m now looking for Dolly.

That last day. Me and Alf in this very carpark

Who’s Dolly?

Dolly is a puppy, she would be 18 months old now and when I last saw her it was on the 16th August 2024. The day our Alf lost his battle with his illness and went to sleep. Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔

We took a little walk into the park that day and he just sat at the entrance, nothing left in the tank, when an 11 month old bundle of fluff bounced up to him and wanted to play. He let her sniff around but he didn’t stir from his staring out into the fields where he once used to bound around just like Dolly.

Nothing in the tank, just so tired

I spoke with Dollys owners and told them what was happening that day, Dolly did not want to leave him, she knew something.

It was a sad and at the same time wonderful thing to see, as one life was ending and an exciting new one was just beginning.

I often pop back here in the hope that I will see Dolly again, even my wife encourages me to do so. I just want to say thank you to her and her owners, it was a beautiful moment when they both met but so tragically cut short. They would have been great friends as Alf loved everyone and didn’t have a bad bone in his body.

And if her owners allow, I want to give her a big cuddle. Another beautiful little soul.

Until then I’m still desperately seeking Dolly.

Peace.

Are you busy?

This is the first prompt for days that I’ve been able to answer as I’d already answered those others previously. I’m going to make a slight change to this prompt and remove the word “Hate”. I never use this word as it’s such an awful one, and unfortunately it’s too prevalent in our world at present. I’m going to use the word “Dislike” as dislike can always be improved upon rather than the other word that is just so final. Once Hate is in place. There really is no turning back. So here we go.

What is one question you dislike being asked? Explain

Anyone that keeps an eye on this blog and reads the content will know I’m an individual who likes to keep himself busy. Just look at the projects and stuff I’ve posted recently, and the fact I still have 18 posts still in draft mode and you will see I’m a busy guy. On top of that I am a full time employed individual with a house to run a garden to look after and a wife who loves spending (Bless her x)

My time is quite well planned, so when that phone call comes in asking me, “Are you busy?” That’s when I have a sharp intake of breath. Normally it involves fulfilling tasks for friends and family, giving time that is precious to me and in many cases already accounted for. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not mind helping anyone, there is no greater pleasure in seeing someone’s face light up at the end of a well done project. The thing is I take so many on, that it normally means the same job at my own home is being neglected, it’s always more fun doing the job at someone else’s property for some unknown reason though.

The reason I dislike being asked is that I just can’t damn well say no. Saying no makes me feel guilty but that’s just the guy I am. I guess to me it’s just like that word “Hate” it’s just not in my vocabulary.

So that’s why I dislike being asked this question as I’m just not wired to say “No”.

One day I’ll learn to say it. But that’s not today. And probably even tomorrow.

Hey ho.

Happy days everyone.

Of love and appreciation

Share one of the best gifts you’ve ever received.

My mother on her death bed bless her, turned to me and my wife whilst we were beside her and said, “You are a wonderful couple”

The last few words this beautiful soul ever spoke and they were to the both of us. It is the most precious memory I hold and the finest gift I have ever received. It was like a moment of full flowing love and appreciation, we were in her thoughts at the very last moment of her existence.

Some gifts do not come in a physical form, sometimes a gift is given in a form that just cannot be replicated, a real one time special offer, exclusive just for you. And this was ours.

Often talked of by us. Never to be repeated, but forever remembered and cherished.

The last words of a much cherished and kind hearted soul who made and shaped my world. My mother. ❤️

The gift of words, original and heart felt, and very much exclusive.

Peace to you all.

Thanks, again

I have already thanked everyone on 26th January this year for your kind support on getting me up to 100 subscribers on this site. It really is appreciated and today I need to thank you again on getting me to a 10k views notification.

Thank you 🙏

I’m not a consistent blogger as my posts vary greatly, I know there is quite a range in quality but I make no apologies for that. I’ve always suffered with quite severe mood swings due to a number of factors that I won’t dwell on here, and this site was created as an extension of the journal I used to write at home. That journal had some extremely worrying matter in it and I always encouraged my wife to read it, (As I’m a bloke who doesn’t openly talk) and as a result she pulled me out of some deep ravines and I am eternally grateful to her for that. That said I decided to take the Journal one step further and it is now online for all my family as well as you good souls to see. As a result you will see the good and the not so good, but believe me I am in a much better place for having you all around me.

Thanks for just being there, you will never understand just how much it helps.

And yes, I do talk more and I suggest everyone who is suffering in silence breaks that mould, and talks to someone. Do not please suffer in silence. And I’m always here to lend a listening ear.

Eternal thanks to each and every one of you.

Peace 🙏

A day with those who have gone before

Describe your most ideal day from beginning to end.

If just for 24hrs you could be with those you miss the most, those who have gone before you who have left you with so many unanswered questions, this would be the perfect day.

To spend more time with loved ones, to walk another mile with them, hold hands and just look at that reassuring smile, how lovely would that be?

Talking with them to the point that comfort and assurance is restored and having those doubts and worries brushed away. To know they really are happy, well and worry free, and that you are loved and still looked after, wouldn’t that just be perfect?

The end of the day would come, you’d be upset for sure, you’d say gentle goodbyes, but this time you’d be smiling, what a difference to the last time you parted company. You could now live the rest of your life free and without the worries and doubts of your past to haunt you. No more grieving.

Never again to ask the question, “What if?” as you’d already have the answers.

What a lovely day that would be❤️

No tradition, totally random

We are not a traditional family, apart from birthdays and anniversaries there’s not much traditional that we do. We are pretty much a day to day gathering of randomness at its best.

We like what we like, we do what we do. And we enjoy each and every minute of it. Let’s be honest there is not a great deal to celebrate at this moment so you have to make the most of what you have.

A lot of people will probably be able to list a whole raft of traditions they adhere to that have been passed down through the generations, that is not so for me, as my family are somewhat dysfunctional in many aspects.

Not bad in intentions though, as we are quite spontaneous. We may pay the price in embarrassment and discomfort however we are able to laugh at our situation and ourselves and that is always acceptable. (In our eyes)

Don’t be too serious, as life will always bite your ass. Laugh and learn, live and love. Don’t take life so seriously, You’ll go far.

Peace to you all.

Work – Life balance

What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?

I thought that i may have answered this prompt in the past, but it seems i have not, well done WP, something original.

Like most people my leisure time is important, it’s only in the last two to three years that i have genuinely separated my free time from work time. I’ve definitely created a work – life balance and it was long overdue.

Taking just today for example, the wife has gone out to one of her ladies gatherings, I’m sitting here typing this, and very shortly i will be going out for a couple of miles of walking on what seems like a nice sunny winters day. We’ll have some breakfast when we return, i shall tinker on a project or two and then we will get ready a little later as we are out with family tonight for a “Burns night” supper, as my wife has Scottish roots from her mothers side of the family. No doubt this will involve a few drinks and should be a thoroughly enjoyable evening.

My leisure time is always the complete opposite to work, I don’t worry or stress, and any day away from work is treated like annual leave, yes it really is a holiday where i do whatever i want whenever i want, nothing is out of bounds, even if it is only for a day.

And thats how it should be. The old adage is that life is so short, live for today, don’t fret about tomorrow and just bloody well enjoy yourselves.

Sing, dance do whatever, don’t be embarrassed, the chances are that the people around you watching you have fun will never bump into you again. And if they do, they will remember you as someone just enjoying life.

What’s to lose? Just those ties that hold you down, just shake them off.

Have a lovely day.

Laughs & Giggles

List five things you do for fun.

Good morning all. I’m having to get my thinking head on today for this one, not that I don’t have fun, but when put on the spot like this you have to think the answer over. There are probably things that I call fun that others out there would probably find nauseating and strange. Hey, we are all individuals and it would be boring if we were all the same. I’ll do a little list now but it’s not an exhaustive list, this is only a list of things I might do. I’m sure there are plenty other activities I can turn to:

  • Football: Been following my team Leicester City, through good and bad in excess of 30 years now. Unfortunately, now is a bad spell but that’s the trials of being a fan of any sport. And I love having a Balti pie and a pint, or in winter a nice hot cup of Bovril. It’s tradition.
  • Walking: to be honest haven’t done a lot of late but I’m already planning some nice walks to do in the next couple of months. There is nothing better than getting out there into nature and just drinking it all in. You have time to think and clear your mind, and it’s probably one of the best and healthiest activities you can get involved in.
  • Art: I love art and have a genuine appreciation of anyone that gives it a go. I’m really bad at it but I’m a trier. let’s be honest some of the worlds finest artists must have been bad at some point, it’s just I’m making an art of being bad. It gives me immense joy and satisfaction just creating something, so it can’t all be that bad….can it?
  • Holidays: My wife and I have found that since our dog passed away we now have a lot more time and availability on our hands. We are now taking a good few holidays and having more short breaks away. We love each other’s company and that’s a good place to be. We have holidays in Iceland, Uk and I believe we are planning one to the Caribbean later in the year. I say “I believe” as the wife is concocting a plan with her cousin for the big holiday at the tail end of this year.
  • Family days/nights: Our families are quite spread out around the Uk/Sth Africa/ Australia so it is rare to get a good gathering of the clans together. When it does occur as it did around July last year it is pure carnage, but good old fashioned raw fun and laughter. You need this every now and then to charge the memory banks. Here’s to the next one.

And that’s probably that, for now, I think these activities probably rate in my mind as the five things I most enjoy participating in, for fun.

Have a great day everyone, may peace and joy radiate throughout everything you do.