Do you need time? I think you do, we all do. If we want to be here a bit longer
Do you need time?
Silly question.
I need time to get out of bed in the morning, due to the amount of obstruction caused by clicking bones and straining joints, yep I’m about to enter into a new decade where I get free medications, and eye tests, so I can only expect things to be uncomfortably rolling downhill from here on in.
But all joking aside it’s good to have time. I’d love to live forever as I do enjoy life but that’s never going to happen is it?
We all have time but to be honest it’s borrowed time isn’t it? As we just do not know what awaits us just around the corner.
At the risk of sounding morose, I’ll up the tempo a tad.
It’s always good to take your time and not be rushed into things, important decisions especially, such as big purchases, investments etc. Take time, think it over. You get the picture.
At work we have a superb safety protocol called “Take 5”. In the past we’ve had too many people, especially the young and inexperienced, who want to impress, rush straight out onto live train tracks only to find they are now face to face with a 2000 ton behemoth freight train bearing down on them at great speed, believe me it’s not a great position be in. New underwear please!
By just getting a bearing on where you are, knowing your position of safety, being aware of the people you need to be in contact with, and establishing a safe method of working, means you live to work another day.
The above paragraph applies pretty much to how life should approached, don’t you think?
I knock my company just like all my other fellow employees do, in fact it’s a well known thing that worldwide we all knock our employers from time to time. But the fact I have worked with them for half my adult life says that things can’t be all that bad.
And when it comes to answering the question “So do you need time?” They’ve got it exactly right, they’ve changed the way we think.
There’s nothing wrong with being a coward. There are some risks just not worth taking.
What’s the biggest risk you’d like to take — but haven’t been able to?
Twice in my life I have been a coward. And I’m quite pleased that I was, in fact I have great comfort in being a coward, it has made me a better person. I took a risk on two occasions, but I was unable to follow through as intended,
Twice in the past I have tried to take my own life.
I’m writing this post, so as you can see I was unsuccessful.
Thank the Lord.
I took a risk, I didn’t want to take it, but was prepared to do so.
When you finally get to those places and times in your life, when you just can’t take no more, rational thought and actions go out of the window. For some reason you are unable to see a good outcome, nothing can release you from this blanket of blackness that has now surrounded you and has become your cocoon, the item that protects you from the outside world. Your waiting room between here and the other side….whatever and wherever that may be.
My first attempt was an overdose, I was only a teenager, probably about 17 – 18 years old, the result of a failed relationship that I probably thought was the best thing that had happened in my life, it wasn’t, that occurred about 7 years later when I met the love of my life who is with me today. Being a coward then, made me realise what I would have missed out on if I had not been a coward that day, life truly does get better, I was a teenager, I had little life experience but was ready to throw away the best and most precious gift I had ever been given – life. It’s that simple.
The second time was probably back in the early 90s, I was on the railway as a train guard/revenue officer. I had in a small period of time had a knife pulled on me on two separate occasions, I had been assaulted, and was also followed home where my home had all of its windows smashed – all because of the work I was doing. I duly had a breakdown. People who were friends and colleagues distanced themselves from me, in the 90s the mental side of things was a taboo subject, and I was now the target for ridicule and derision from those I worked with. I wandered on to the tracks of the north bound Northern line underground at Euston station, and was saved by a friendly individual working in the same business as me. I was very ill and was taken home, the only help i received was being given a couple of weeks off before resuming work in a light duties role with some of those that had only weeks before ridiculed me.
I had only been married a few months when this had occurred and I remember the reaction from my wife when she found out, she was beside herself, she had not known how I felt, I disguised things so well and she was rightly angry with me for not talking to her. But that’s not the done thing for us blokes is it?
But I was willing in those moments to give up on everyone who loved me, how bloody selfish was that?
Again though, I looked back again and thought to myself, what the hell are you doing? Those problems where solvable, they didn’t need to overwhelm me so much, nothing was that bad.
And there is where it lies.
Nothing is that bad that you really have to look at ending it all to solve your problems. I realise that now, and I’m so inherently thankful that I have that “coward” gene set firmly within my psyche.
When I think of all the fantastic things I have seen and done, all the wonderful people I have had the pleasure in meeting in that time, this would not have been at all possible if I’d decided to carry those actions out in the past.
I see the kids stressing out over exam results, struggling to meet their parents expectations, and thinking that they are failures, unfortunately you always hear of a few who succumb to that black cloak of depression. I just wish I could have a few minutes with them to just let them know how needed they are and how fabulous they are going to be. It’s such an unnecessary waste of wonderful people.
It’s strange to know I am still in the business of the railway, and to be honest I spend much of my time either reaching out to individuals or being the first on the scene when they are brave enough to carry out their final actions under that awful cloak of depression. I always say a prayer for them, and I sincerely hope they are at peace, but at the same time I also feel immense pain for those they have left behind asking that unanswerable question, “Why?”
I’m glad I’m a coward, and that my risk taking is minimal, I’ve been to some very dark places in the past, but now I handle things a great deal better. I love life so much, I love those around me and value the most simplest of things. Nothing is more precious than life. All life.
Sometimes you have to venture close to the edge to really appreciate just what you have got.
If you ever wobble, if you ever have those dark thoughts, reach out to someone. I promise you, nothing, nothing at all is really that bad.
I’m here. I’m a coward, and by god am I pleased about that.
We had a fire close to the railway here in the East Midlands yesterday. Acting as the incident officer I was able to get a couple of good shots off that I think show what a fantastic job our fire service do in very tough conditions.
In the heart of the fire
Sifting through the debris
Graffiti artists hit
For a bank holiday it was a busy day for me, two sizeable fires, Cows on the line and Graffiti artists hitting the trains.
Here are four photos taken whilst I was visiting the signal box at Melton Mowbray. This train line is between Leicester and Peterborough and has a number of Victorian era signal boxes still in use today. All pictures taken with my IPhone 14 Pro Max.
At work I frequently visit the station at Hinckley in Leicestershire and I can pretty much guarantee that this fellah is there kind of challenging me to go get him off the tracks. Personally I think it’s a person reincarnated, trying to tempt me 😂. It’s uncanny that it’s always about when I’m in the area….spooky!
It’s all been work, work lately and yesterday this old lady arrived at our depot to have some work done.
Class 37 Diesel- 37407 (Blackpool tower)
I’m not a train spotter, no way, but there is something special about these elderly beasts. No concern for clean air as they spew smoke and clag into the atmosphere, they are true old workhorses of the rail network and it’s always nice to see a well presented example arrive on site. this one was built in October of 1965 so it’s older than me (and better looking) here’s a little bit about it:
May 2019 – One of DRS’ most famous locomotives has been renamed ‘Blackpool Tower’ as part of the 125th anniversary celebrations for the North West’s most famous landmark.
The vintage ‘Class 37’ loco’ (37407) first carried the name back in the 1990s, when it became part of a fleet of locomotives running ‘seaside specials’ taking thousands of holiday makers and day trippers from Manchester Victoria Station to the seaside town known as the ‘Las Vegas of the North’.
Rail enthusiasts will be delighted to know that 37407 is one of several DRS locomotives that has been re-painted in the distinctive yellow and blue British Rail ‘large logo’ livery.
The locomotive will continue operating on the national rail network working on a range of DRS services, from freight and passenger services through to supporting the work to decommission and clean up the UK’s earliest nuclear sites.
Gov.uk
I spent the day yesterday ensuring “enthusiasts” behaved themselves and didn’t wander onto railway infrastructure, it’s fair to say it attracted a lot of attention.
This is a hard one to pinpoint to be honest. We all as a race of people on this big old world dynamically risk assess pretty much everything we do on a daily basis. I must admit I’m not a natural risk taker.
In my job I’m responsible for taking people around a live railway and the last thing you really want in that role is to be a risk taker. One foolish decision for me puts peoples lives at risk. I just don’t do it.
Now thinking of it, the biggest risk I probably ever took was throwing myself out of an aeroplane with an instructor attached to my back on a tandem sky dive. It earned a considerable amount of money for a Hospice in my local area at the time, but would I do it again? Probably not.
Let’s do it 😂
See, I risk assessed that activity to the point I’d never do it again. I took note of something my Father had once told me being a parachute regiment veteran. He said, “ The worst jump is always your second. You are fully aware of just what could happen”.
Probably the only good advice I’d really ever listened to from him.
I work on the railway, in many aspects there has been a technological change especially in the development of new rolling stock and safety aspects.
However where I am in the East Midlands we still use an awful lot of Victorian technology, and yes you travel over it every day especially if you use the line that goes between Leicester and Peterborough via Melton Mowbray. Here we have signal boxes that still use Absolute block technology with the signallers using bell codes to communicate. The signalling is the Victorian semaphore signal type and the signal boxes all have large amounts of levers to pull using a wire and pulley system to activate the signals. Most of the boxes themselves are listed buildings and can’t be renovated in any way, yes some of them are getting on for 150 years old.
In my job I spend an awful lot of time on this line, I must admit it is very safe and quite reliable, however sometimes the system has issues that need attending and due to a lot of parts being widely unavailable due to the systems age, this is when the new technology gradually gets implemented. It’s taking time but as they say on the railway….
I say to anyone that asks what my role at work is, that I am there to keep trains on the tracks and people off them. My actual role is a little more complex but to me that’s my role in a nutshell.
And sometimes they unfortunately clash. Like tonight for instance, no one fortunately was injured but they could well have been.
Some of the darling youths of the East Midlands, bless them when they are bored just love to try and cause misery and inconvenience to others, tonight they put a ladder on the line and a line of ballast on the track to try and derail a train. It’s all shits and giggles to them however a train unit has had its braking system ruined and will be out of service for tomorrow’s peak.
Crushed ballastWhat remains of a ladder
So if you happen to be travelling between Sheffield and London tomorrow, and your service is cancelled this could be the reason why. One day these little darlings will actually cause serious injury, they’ll probably get off because they were bored and didn’t understand, but they are good kids and always go to church on Sunday! Tosh, they are unsupervised little shits that want to see people get hurt. I know it’s not all youths but there is an underbelly of society that lets them down. This train hit this obstruction at 70mph, tonight we were lucky, tonight everyone goes home to their loved ones, tomorrow might be a different story.
Don’t play on the railway. I work on it and can confirm it’s probably one of the most dangerous places to be, it’s not safe at all for the untrained individual. And for gods sake tell your kids to keep clear as I don’t wish to be bagging them up when it all goes wrong.
What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?
From an early age I always wanted to be a chef. Don’t know why, I wasn’t influenced by anyone in particular and my mum, bless her wasn’t a gifted cook but she always kept us well fed. Maybe that was why then!
Anyway that never occurred, as when you get older your choices increase and your preferences change. I was always good with my hands and as an exceptional student in Art, Technical drawing and metalwork I was being edged towards a career in engineering. I took all my entrance exams and interviews to work at Rolls Royce aero engines at Leavesden, however my school were two days late in submitting my course work so that option became a non starter.
I ventured into photographic production, maintenance and lab work and remained there for about ten years ending up as a freelancer.
Then I ventured onto the railway where thirty two years later I’m still employed.
So it’s Been a greatly varied career, however the next move I make is intended to be my best career move yet….
Foxes Den 
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