World mental health day and men’s arrogance and reluctance to talk
I just wanted to share a post that was sent to me. Today is World mental health day, and this is one of the most hard hitting, and well formed videos that I think I have ever seen. It was produced by Norwich City football club here in the Uk, and in my eyes it is probably one of the best pieces of film I have ever watched, simply just asking you to keep an eye on friends and colleagues. Simple and straight to the point.
Here in the Uk 40% of deaths in males under the age of fifty, is a result of poor mental health. A horrendously high amount you must agree, and totally avoidable if everyone was just more aware of subtle changes of those around us. Have a look at the video in the link below, it’s hard hitting as the outcome is not what you’d expect.
I have in the last couple of weeks dealt with my 20th fatality on the railway, no one explained in the beginning, on the job description, that my job would involve such horrendous outcomes, and I have witnessed scenes that I would not wish upon anyone. Do I suffer? I’d tell you no, to your face, but sometimes I’m in utter turmoil.
But I have a peer group at work, that are there for me, we are all there for each other as we get no support from work to be honest. If we didn’t talk to each other, and offer words of comfort and reassurance, I’d hate to know where any of us would be now.
Men are stubborn sods full of false bravado, I’m one of them, and I’m great at pulling the curtains over a difficult situation. Smiling eyes I might have, my confidence may seem through the roof, but in the quiet periods or the wee dark hours, I’m asking myself questions i do not know the answers to.
I’m praying I never attend another fatality, but in reality I know another one is never far away, I’m lucky that I have the support of my colleagues to see me through, we talk, we drink tea.
Talking works. It saves lives. And lets people know they are not alone.
You are not alone, and will never be. Don’t let those thoughts rule your head, those thoughts need to be out in the open. They are poison, and the poison needs to be let. Talking helps.
My dear brother John succumbed to the “Bastard” that is Cancer ten years ago.
He was a lovely guy, fun to be with and the family compared him to a character who used to be on UK television called “Arthur Daley”. Anyone who knew that character would know why we made the comparison with John, as he’d be involved in everything all totally Kosher of course….cough,cough.
A decision was made at his wake that we’d have a family day, once a year at one of his favourite spots, Cassiobury park in Watford. And yesterday was the tenth anniversary meeting, it was a lovely day, however the weather didn’t really behave itself. Despite Watford have plus 30 degree days for getting on for a week now, yesterday the rain decided to hit in near biblical quantities. But did it dampen the day? No, we all had a great time and it was great to see everyone.
Cassiobury park in Watford
I lived for 54 years in Watford and never really liked the place, I really dislike going there but sometimes you just do what you have to do. It’s no big sacrifice is it? But there is no doubt about it that the park at Cassiobury is one of the finest, most beautiful public spaces I have ever visited in this country, it really is a stunning well kept and huge piece of parkland that you really should visit if you are ever in the area.
The normal agenda is for us all to meet at a local hotel and then wander off to the park with a picnic, seats and numerous bats, balls, frisbees and whatever, to have a good afternoon of laughter and sporting activity, that normally results in aches, pains and strains for the older participants that I can truly relate to as I write this post this morning.
There were 21 of us on this on this occasion, from all around the country, Southampton, Leeds, Wales and everywhere else in between. It really was a superb turnout and just shows how much John was loved.
A good turnout, the weather held out for a while
I often like to have a wander, and as I previously stated it’s a massive park and deserves to be explored so here are a few pics to show it off
A lovely clean park
About 5pm the weather was drawing in and we decided to move out of the park, however we weren’t quick enough, the rain hit – heavy, and we were caught out. Thankfully we had some umbrellas ☔️ and we made our way back towards the hotel. Myself and my wife were bringing up the rear and we stopped under a tree, in the park and just watched the rain. It was beautiful, a calm and lovely moment in a world of total chaos, the only two people in our own little world, it was just one of those photographic moments that your mind creates for future reference.
The rain hit, and created a beautiful memory
Back to the hotel to dry off, and then we were out to a local eatery for a meal, 21 people into a restaurant is a feat of organisation itself, and thanks go to the ladies in the group for doing that without a hitch.
We left Watford about 10pm for a drive back to the East Midlands, we said our goodbyes, made arrangement for a couple of other gatherings that are on the horizon, and had probably our best run home up the motorway that we’d had in many a year.
A superb day was had by all, it reminds me of a picture that was displayed at Johns funeral that made everyone laugh.
Says it all
Sums him up perfectly and had everyone who knew him smiling and grinning whilst nodding in agreement. It was him. And this is how we remember him.
We have a date for next years gathering, and I can’t wait.
Memories, there is nothing like creating wonderful memories. People may physically be gone from our lives, but they are never, ever, forgotten.
I’ve been in a pretty low mood of late due to suffering the post holiday blues, pretty much self imposed and just needing a good kick up the ass to get me motivated.
On top of that being a person who suffers continuously with respiratory issues I’ve been fighting off a nasty chest infection that I think I may have finally just got the better of. (Fingers crossed)
Then I get that kick up the ass I was talking about in the first paragraph.
My good work Colleague and Signaller Nick, who lives in London has contacted me to ask if I’ve spoken to one of our other colleagues lately ( who shall remain nameless)
I told him I hadn’t spoken for about 6 months only to be told he now has cancer in both lungs and his kidney, he’s fighting his last battle as I’m writing.
Nicks told me he has just spoken to him, and he’s telling him of all the things he has to do for his family before it’s too late.
This is where I broke. He’s early 50s, has a young family and… I just can’t put it into words. What a beautiful human being, one of the nicest guys you could ever wish to meet and work with. This guy earned an award when I was his gaffer, after saving 12 people who suffered cardiac arrests whilst on train stations in London. His actions ensured Those people are here today. And this is how he gets rewarded. Sick joke…
And I’m feeling low because of post holiday blues and a chest infection. How pathetic am i?
I’m a pathetic wretch, get real and buck your ideas up son.
Sometimes, it takes the sledge hammer effect straight in the face to really bring it home to you. Thank you Nick for making me see reality again.
Thinking of you on your hardest journey bud. Remember 2012. You life saver.
In a post I put up a few days ago I did mention that the wife had decided to invite some friends and family around for a gathering we usually have at the end of the football season, (Time goes so fast….) to either celebrate our success or to drown our sorrows. This year it was the latter as we were miserably incapable of putting on a decent show as a competitive team this season.
I stated that I had to put up the gazebo, due to the forecast saying there would be rain. I should have known better, as we are in a Bank holiday weekend it was bound to rain, I wasn’t wrong. Everyone had been invited around to help us celebrate/commiserate and to have a drink and something to eat, we also decided to incorporate a darts competition into the evening for a bit of fun.
Gazebo up and connected to the garden pub, bring on the rain!
The gazebo was suitably decorated with some football banners, food was in good supply in the house and a list of people who wanted to take part in the darts competition was drawn up.
The actual competition was a knockout format, and to add a little bit of extra fun I told everyone they had to have their photos taken in the pairs that they would be playing in, for this I had decided to use two of the “instant” Polaroid type cameras that I had recently repaired. My niece that I passed the first one I fixed on to, was more than happy to assist here.
The nights activity in miniature Polaroids
Pictures taken, lots of laughter and a lot of raised voices and joking about the competition began, 18 people took part and it was chaotic to say the least.
Games underway.
We eventually made it to the final with my nephew and cousin in the final, the younger talent shone through and young “J” won the competition.
Final pairing and the overall winner
I now have 38 fantastic little photos that really show the fun and spontaneity of the evening. We are going to get these into either an old style album or put them up on a board displayed somewhere around the house. Good old physical photos, on show just as they should be, not tucked away unseen on someone’s smartphone never to be seen by anyone else. At least people can look at these and say, “that group of people know how to enjoy themselves.”
I fallen in love again with this style of photo.
An interesting aside came from using these cameras. One other young family member loved these cameras so much she went onto a sale site and brought a broken one before approaching me and asking if i could fix it when it arrives. How could I turn that offer down so I had to agree. My brother in law who was there back in the day of the original Polaroid, wants me to get and fix an original one for him, it’s amazing just how young and old alike were totally impressed by this mode of photography, memories were rekindled, and memories were made….and I’ve got myself some work to do so I’m happy.
Another thing that made the wife and I extremely happy, is when one of the guests, our neighbours to be precise, brought us a gift for our pub which is totally Leicester city football club themed.
Our very generous gift from our neighbours
Last week i wrote of our captain and greatest player playing his last game for us : Jamie Vardy’s having his final party they brought us a shirt they had got signed by him and labelled up with the numbers he had achieved. I guess it helps that our neighbour actually works for the club, either way it was a superb gift that is very much appreciated.
So why are we looking at leaving this area, I don’t know 🤷♂️ our neighbours are just superb people. It’s going to be hard to match them anywhere else.
It’s been quiet in the vicinity today as I suspect there are a few sore heads as the last couple didn’t leave until about 3am this morning, we’ve spent most of the day cleaning up and had to get the gazebo and extra bits down and put away as they are coming to take the photos on Tuesday. I’m working late shifts so I’m not going to be around so I’ve got to do as much as I can to help prior to the full estate agent process kicking in.
Anyway, a great night was had by all, we have some super memories and meeting up with family and friends is always an enjoyable experience at gatherings such as this.
Stick with me on this one, I’ll get there eventually it’s a bit of a ramble but I promise I’ll get there.
It’s 04:45 in the morning and I am awake. I’m beside my lovely wife in a bed in her friend’s house in Sunbury west London. It’s a lovely old house with a beautiful back garden in one of Londons leafier suburbs. I’m awake as I’m listening to a beautiful dawn chorus where the birds have awoken and are obviously discussing avian issues quite vocally and beautifully through birdsong. It s a lovely sound and one of natures most pleasant daily occurrences, by the sounds of it it’s going to be a lovely sunny day.
I’m blessed with exceptionally good hearing. Some may call it a curse but to me it’s a godsend. My wife states that i,”Can hear a fly fart from 50ft away” and she’s probably not wrong to be honest. It’s a godsend, as it seems the female members of her family, yes all of them, have particularly bad hearing and my dear wife is in fact registered as partially deaf, and if it wasn’t for her super duper high tech hearing devices she would more than likely be totally deaf. Therefore, my superb hearing doubles as her safety blanket when I am with her. It’s just one of those strange coincidences in life when you are magically paired with someone to be their help, in their time of need. I’ve already stated in earlier posts how she has helped and nurtured me through our life together. There is truly a mystical tie that binds.
I dropped my wife off at her friends house about 11 days ago, just prior to me heading back north to begin a stint of night shifts. It’s allowed the two of them to have some real good time with each other to catch up and do the things they enjoy doing. Her friend as you would already know, if you follow my journal posts, had some quite serious issues last year with some mental health issues after the passing of her long time partner a couple of years back. The wife switched into full time angel mode to help her, and I remain so proud of them for what they have both achieved. You don’t just suddenly get better from such an episode, but she has improved so much she is pretty much back to the old her we used to know, and have always loved. Thankfully my wife has a constant eye on her, and is speaking to her at least 3-4 times a day, so there is really no chance of her sinking back into the abyss she has just come out from, as my wife firmly has hold of the support rope keeping her back from falling down once again.
The very clock I’m talking about
Now the clock analogy. I love clocks. Good old fashioned clocks that tick mechanically, not the digital versions that silently do their thing within the scope of silence. I’ve stated that my hearing is above par, and you’d think noise would be a curse. Well it is sometimes. In a silent house such as our own that has those very same digital clocks, I do hear everything. It’s an old house that makes noises. Pipes clank, floorboards creak and changes in temperature cause expansion and contraction noises all around. My hearing is such that I’m not at peace until I can associate a noise with the potential creator, yes I overthink even when I am attempting to sleep, i want total silence and that is not possible in an old house.
However at my wife’s friend’s house it is different. It’s an old house, digital clocks do not exist here and all clocks are mechanical, this house has a heartbeat. I have something to focus on and that comforts me into the most peaceful sleep, and awakes me at the other end with the most wonderful birdsong from outside. I love it.
When I delivered my wife here 11 days ago I had focussed on that clock heartbeat in our bedroom only to be mystified as to why, half way through the night the clock had stopped ticking, its heart had stopped. Why?
It became apparent the next morning that I looked at the clock that the hour hand was bent out of shape, and on its journey around the clock face the minute hand had clashed with it and it had come to an abrupt stop. This had occurred, and come to light when her friend had spoken with her step-son and found out that he hated the sound of a ticking clock and had fumbled in the night to hide it away causing the damage to the two hands.
Now as you know, I love fixing stuff and this item needed my help. The hands were very delicate and to be honest I didn’t think they were strong enough to take being bent back into shape. I used some tweezers and gently moved them back into position and I was able to restore that heartbeat.
I sit here now writing, getting great comfort from that ticking in the background. I don’t know why, I can only presume that like a child laying against its mothers breast, they gain great comfort from hearing their mothers heart beating. Maybe it’s the same with me? That constant, accurate non stop repetitive sound gives me something to focus on, turning my good hearing away from all the other little distractions that keep me awake.
I know one thing, I’m on the lookout for a good old fashioned mantle clock, or wall clock to have within listening distance of the bedroom at our house, that I can focus on.
I wish I could have been a horologist, working on clocks is tantamount to being a heart surgeon in my eyes. A most fantastic invention, and how I would love to be someone who looks after these fantastic mechanical masterpieces, however my eyesight is what lets me down here. But guess what? My wife’s eyesight is perfect. See, we are truly made for each other!
Currently I’m in the west of London in the Sunbury on Thames area. I’ve brought my wife down to spend ten days with her friend as I’m about to embark on a long stint of night shifts. It will allow them to spend good time together. I shall be heading back to the East Midlands later today on my own.
Anyone who reads my posts will know that last year we spent a lot of time down here as her friend went through quite a bad episode of poor mental health. My wife assisted her through that, and helped put her on a care plan and arranged for her to have visits, so she could be checked on regularly to ensure she was receiving the necessary care and attention that she required.
I’m pleased to say all that worked out well, her friend has recovered and is back to her old self, confident and strong willed, you’d have thought nothing had happened. She has been weaned off her medications by the doctor, the welfare visits have ceased and it is so wonderful to see her back to her old self. We all need a little care and attention at times, and it certainly helps. And it’s good to have such a friend as my wife.
Azalea
And the above picture from her garden sums it all up for me. Last year there was none of this, the garden, though well kept lacked colour. This year it is so different and is ablaze with colour. This is what she is capable of, producing things of beauty just like this fantastic Azalea plant.
I’m lucky if my Azaleas get just a few flowers each year. She is so talented when it comes to gardening.
As I’ve always stated, never show envy, always turn that into appreciation and that’s what I have done here, she has such a talent, she is so capable and knowledgeable and I can only appreciate that I will be a better person, a better gardener by listening to the wisdom of those such as her.
Oh yes many a time, always with my friends back in the day. Whenever there was a bank holiday we would all pack ourselves up and head off to a little place called Farleigh Hungerford not far away from Bath in Somerset.
Perfectly placed for visiting places such as Glastonbury Tor, Wookey Hole and Cheddar gorge we used to always have an enjoyable few days away, and were always suitably chaperoned by one set of parents (Well to be honest they always tagged along because they enjoyed our company and we enjoyed theirs). There was a local delicacy that could only be found in the Cheddar gorge area and that was Knee Cracker cider.
Knee Cracker
Unfortunately no one will ever be able to experience the joys of Knee Cracker again as I believe the company that produced it ceased to trade a few years back. They used to say that when purchased it had to be left to settle for a few days to be fully enjoyed. Nah, we were impatient teenagers and we would drink it walking across the fields heading back to the campsite after a day out, hence we would be taking in all the sediment and nastiness and by god it was potent. They also used to say, “Drink too much of this cider and you will fall to your knees, praying to the gods for forgiveness”. They weren’t wrong, the hangover this and many other “Scrumpy ciders” from the region used to leave you with were well documented. I remember being so drunk one night I actually fell over a cow sleeping in the field, the resulting noise from said bovine suddenly awaking and alerting the rest of the herd, sobered me up fairly quickly and I went through that field like Usain Bolt on acid.
I’ve tried to convince the wife all through our married life to go camping, and she’s having none of it. She always says it’s fine for me to camp but she would be in a local hotel. So I know where I stand there.
I still have camping equipment, in fact I renewed it all only a couple of years ago, and intend to do some wild camping when I get the chance. I really love camping, being out in nature, absolute peace and quiet and tranquility is unbeatable, the campsite full of families though is not for me.
Give it a try, it’s one of those things you’ll either love or hate. For me it’s definitely love.
Very shortly I will be heading off to work for another fun filled day of shenanigans on Britains railways. Whilst sitting here at the living room table looking out to the road that passes by, I watched a van with a friends surname on it pass by, and that suddenly flooded my mind with happy and fun memories about old friends, and especially how did they get their nicknames.
A nickname is a familiar or informal name given to a person, place, or thing, often based on their characteristics, habits, or traits. Nicknames can be a fun way to personalize relationships and add flavor to interactions.
We had a little group of four that hung about together through our childhood years all the way up into the teenage years. We did everything together and pretty much knew everything about each other. There were only four of us so here we go with the explanations.
Balders – that’s me. A simple play on my surname, and that I used to have a constant crew cut hairstyle as a child, so bald by name and bald by nature.
Daz – his name was Darryl and his clothes used to always stink of the washing powder his mother used to use, that also just happened to be called “DAZ” again a play on his name and this time his aroma.
Doug – His name was Derek and he loved Wolverhampton wanderers football club, so we named him after one of their players at the time who had a suspicious “Mullet” hairstyle, as Derek had at the time, so Derek Dougan leant his name to our Derek, it was shortened hence “Doug”.
And finally the most complex and humorous nickname goes to our old buddy Mick.
We were walking home from junior school one day back in the late 70s when Mick was complaining of stomach pains, he was doubled over in pain, so he leant on a brick wall and began to attempt to break wind quite violently. He was unsuccessful in this activity and in polite terms, he followed through. Or in layman’s or younger speak he “Sharted”.
How we got Mick home after this I fail to remember, I think the stinging of the tears of constant and uninterrupted laughter clouded our memory of this part of the day, even Mick, a fantastic person was able to see the funny side of it all, and took part in that laughter. He had a lot of explaining to do to his mum when he got home.
Anyway, fast forward a couple of days and the three of us came up with the name “Mick muddy pants” that stuck for a while but was eventually reduced to the one word “Smudger”.
He, in fact we, are all still known by these names to this day. Sadly Doug passed away about two years back, but when we see each other, rarely do our real names ever get mentioned.
The phone I’m writing on has all their names in, in a nickname format. I’ll be seeing Smudger in a couple of weeks, and it always makes me smile when someone asks, “Why is he called Smudger?” You just don’t seem to see such childish behaviour in today’s world, and I think that’s quite sad.
Give me those old days of being out with your friends, rather than being stuck behind screens as everyone is today. (Me included writing this piece)
My wife is a fantastic organiser. The family owes an awful lot to her as she always arranges meals and get togethers keeping us all in touch. Without her doing this I very much believe we’d all lose contact quite rapidly. She keeps the family together. And she is brilliant at what she does.
Today is one of those days, Easter Saturday, she has hired the Skittle alley at our local pub and we are all meeting there for a meal prior to throwing our “Cheeses” at the skittles. No perfectly round balls here, these are good old solid wood, full of splinters and shaped more like tin cans to be honest. And they can go off in any direction, there is no way to control them. Just don’t get in their way!
We play it differently up here in the East Midlands as can be seen here:
In the East Midlands, people play Long Alley in which the projectiles are rough balls or small capsule shaped logs called “cheeses” and a score is only made if the cheeses bounce a single time just in front of the pins.
Wikipedia
It can be quite brutal. But that’s how we roll in the East Midlands 😂
Our local
It’s a beautiful old pub, and we kind of adopted it when we moved up here. A right old traditional pub. I think there is about 22 of us up there tonight from all different areas, so it should be a nice evening.
Tomorrow is a different story when we will all be off to watch our home football team get slaughtered at home to our visitors- Liverpool.
But let’s not get too depressed about that, here’s how today has gone instead.
Paul wins the skittles
Winner and his prize.
4 rounds of 3 cheeses each and we had sorted out the final four of the contest, cousin Paul wins outright and wins the first prize a Cadbury crème egg. Highest score of the evening went to niece Julie who managed to down eight skittles in one round.
Overall winner Paul, and high scorer Julie.
The remainder of the evening was just people talking and catching up. It was a lovely day and My wife has already sorted out the Christmas party dinner. She’s so damned organised.
The day started at our house earlier when everyone went down our garden pub to play darts, have a drink and kick the day off in a really fun and friendly fashion. It’s ended around 12 hours later when the tiredness sets in and people start to make their excuses and gradually filter off into the night.
In the bar, after.
Tomorrow we go again when we meet at my nieces home for her house warming party. It’ll be a little more subdued as some are back to work on Monday, however I’m really looking forward to meeting up with them all again.
A great conversation starter, just like talking about the weather in the UK.
Music is one of those things that finely entwines itself into all our lives. We have happy sounds, sad sounds and everything in between, there are inspirational records, as well as others that take you to a distant place where you can just be a mad, wild, untamed, crazy, dancing freak of nature. Yes it’s fair to say music plays a massive role in our lives and emotions.
However if you are put on the spot and asked to choose two favourites, could you?
I have often mulled over this question through the years and i do really think that i can. As a child of the sixties i have gone through an awful lot of fads and musical genres, all the way through Swing, soul, New Romanticism, Punk, Heavy metal, classical and everything in between. My most influential years were probably the late 70s early 80s when i was starting to form my own choices as i was entering into my teenage years.
These choices by no means reflect my favourite group. That choice was made in the mid to late 80s when American rock group R.E.M came into my life and they remain firmly rooted there to this day. However their music obviously rates highly in my opinion, but neither of my favourite all time records were theirs. For some obscure reason my choices are both extremely middle of the road.
I honestly have heard so much music in my life, as i suspect has anyone else who browses this post, and i always come back to these two choices. So my mind is made up, no swaying, it is and will always be these two:
Doobie Brothers – Listen to the music
Doobie Brothers
What do i like about this record. Just spend some time listening to it, early American rock at its very best, probably 4 Guitars in perfect harmony with an absolutely fantastic rhythm, and a banjo picking around in the background adding to the atmosphere, Just a wonderful happy and upbeat song in my view, it lifts me to play it and reminds me of the hazy days of my childhood. This was 1972 when it was released, i was very young but it was a happy tune, and as a child i think that is one of the things you look for in music, good melody, easy chorus who could ask for more. And it’s stuck with me ever since.
Here’s what the songwriter Tom Johnston said at the time:
“The chord structure of it made me think of something positive, so the lyrics that came out of that were based on this utopian idea that if the leaders of the world got together on some grassy hill somewhere and either smoked enough dope or just sat down and just listened to the music and forgot about all this other bullshit, the world would be a much better place. It was very utopian and very unrealistic (laughs). It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Wikipedia
Though I didn’t even know what dope was at this age I can’t really comment. Though looking back now it seemed like a good idea.
Bellamy brothers – Let your love flow
Bellamy brothers
Another “Brother” named group. This was a crossover record from Country to mainstream and boy was it a successful crossover. 1976 was a fantastic year for me packed with great memories of being with my friends, the heatwave of that year and wonderful times wandering around with my pals just doing stuff. Again it was a record that came along at a good period in my life and has registered itself in that role ever since. Just a really good rhythm, some cracking easy to learn lyrics and a dead easy chorus, packed with loads of rhythmic guitar and passion, what a record.
So, thats it for me, two easy choices that i know will never ever change. I always have these tunes within easy reach on my phone or music player as in times of stress, worry or just when reminiscing, they are chosen and played loud. The world then for a few solitary moments is a whole better place.
Foxes Den 
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