Someone who has been written off for not achieving when the rest of the world has cast them aside. A work colleague of mine was doomed to fail from the moment he joined us, a lovely guy, just needed a bit of mentoring, he got that and despite the naysayers casting him aside he has flourished in the role. And I am so proud of him.
Sometimes the downtrodden can flourish. People just need to be given a chance. Success is not just a possession for the gifted few.
It’s for everyone.
Chance is a gamblers game. Opportunity is for all. Success is for everyone.
Never look down on someone. You may well have to pass them when you come down off of your high horse.
During my working life I have so far experienced, 17 traumatic suicides on the railway. I am more often than not the first person on site and have to make access to the site, safe for all the emergency personnel about to arrive en masse. I have seen things no one should ever expect to witness. And I sincerely hope you never do.
For this reason, I have had health issues mainly around PTSD that I was diagnosed as having just two years ago, after a young lad ended his life on my shift. That one affected me, though i often go into self denial that this was the cause. Though in all seriousness it was probably the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.
I used to journal as a result. It wasn’t a private journal, I used to have it beside the bed and actively encourage my wife to read it. At the time I was hiding a lot of my feelings from my wife, I was the typical bloke that wouldn’t talk, however I was storing this all inside and even I could see this was heading straight towards becoming the perfect storm. I’m glad I did that as it helped her and it also helped me to prompt conversation and off load some of that weight from my shoulders.
Blogging became the natural progression from the journal. The family now have links to this blog and they all check in on a regular basis to see what I am doing. I include all the hobby stuff and it is now more of a website than a blog site.
I sit here typing as I am now at 4 in the morning and the wife will turn to me and say, “Are you doing your blog?” And I will say yes. She knows that this is my way of healing some scars by just offloading the excess baggage that life supplies sometimes. And do you know what? It works for me. I don’t do it for followers as that’s not what I’m about. To be honest it wouldn’t bother me if not a single person read my site, for me I have a history at my fingertips where I can check my progress. I have bad days, I have days where I do nothing but whinge, but I can now see why these things happen and that’s all down to this blog.
That’s why I blog, this last month has been awful as my constant companion, Alf, our dog, another who would just sit and listen to me wagging his little tail passed away and it has just ripped the hearts out of my wife and I. See his pictures here: Alfie. All hobbies and interests have disappeared as we have just entered that, “Can’t be arsed” stage of grief. We will come to terms with it in time, and again this is where the blog helps.
Hopefully people will understand this. I’m just a guy who is suffering but I have found a way to let off that steam, accumulated as a result of other peoples desperate actions.
It’s tough, but I won’t let the demons win. It is a daily battle that I doubt I will win in the long run but hopefully I can put it aside for a good while longer.
That was the call we’ve just had from the vets. A lovely and quite melancholy call to be honest, just as if he’s had a minor procedure and he has awoken and is now ready to come home.
Reality is a little more stark. We are now heading down to collect our little fellah after he has been cremated.
Our beautiful lad has come home
We didn’t know what to expect to be honest, do we take a bag? Is he in a polythene bag? My wife was upset as she’d taken the call as I had been on nights and was in bed. I had this overwhelming feeling yesterday that he’d be coming home today, so in a way when I awoke I wasn’t surprised, strange isn’t it?
We needn’t have fretted, it was all so professional. He’s in a lovely woodland scene tube, we didn’t want a sealed casket as we wanted his ashes to go with ours in the end, please don’t judge us, it’s what we want and you will never understand just what this little character meant to us.
Paw print Lock of hairA beautiful paw print photo frame
We also have a certificate of individual cremation, with lovely words, we have a lovely little picture frame memento with his paw print, we now have to pick a picture from the thousands we have of him, no easy task and I suspect we will have words about this. The vets have taken a cutting of his fur and put it in a small phial, lovely touch. We have two beautiful cards with his paw print on, and I will be using one of these to get a permanent tattoo on my arm with his pet name as he was known to many in the family- “Alfie Moon”.
The feeling in the house at the moment is nice, all the doubt we had has now gone, and we are so happy with the professional service we have experienced.
We can now move on to the healing stage, as he is now home. It’s so weird that the immense feeling of grief has lifted and a modicum of calmness and happiness has returned, it needed to as it had been missing for some time now.
Our lad is home, where he deserves to be. And he will be with us forever more.
What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?
Well, you asked so I have answered. I’m currently working a nightshift and it’s slowed down a tad so I’m just checking up on what was going on in one of my favourite places on earth. I usually check in and read the news and this is what I found.
Volcano still active
The volcano is still erupting around the fault line, it comes and goes quite regularly but this last one was quite spectacular.
An ice cave collapsed killing one person i believe, however all others have been rescued and are safe.
A 16 yo is in custody after stabbing some people at a concert, it seems the world’s cancer has now reached this beautiful place.
I kind of wish I hadn’t made that search.
Hey ho, that is quite depressing.
Stay safe everyone, who knows one day Peace might be infectious.
I was a product of the 60s and the only choice we had back in my childhood was 405 or 625 lines B/W Tv. Once turned on you had to give all the valves good time to warm up until a picture appeared, in truth you could probably go into the kitchen and make a snack before the ghosting even started to appear on the screen.
An old 405 lines tv
Back then we only had two channels, BBC and ATV, that was the forerunner of ITV.
No Adverts and only a few hours scheduling a day meant that you were more likely to see the test card transmission than any real TV program.
To be honest I probably listened more to my little transistor radio, or tranny as it was known then, nowadays I’d probably be pulled up by the PC brigade for even saying that.
We spent most of our days outside playing and exploring so TV never really factored into my formative years, I can’t really pinpoint specific programs I did watch however one really stuck in my mind as a funny moment. That used to be when we would watch a program called “Pot Black” it was a snooker program. However it was hard to determine colours of the balls on a black and white screen. It was funny when the commentators mentioned a coloured ball that they would refer to as “the grey looking one in the top corner” In fact they all had this colour as they were all just shades.
Aye, what with all your 1080, ultra HD 4K super duper vision you have now, you’ve never had it so good. But back in the day when it was a new technology it was truly ground breaking. I remember my old man saying “it’ll never take off”, how wrong was he?
Shift work kind of kills the typical, morning, afternoon night thing as being the favourite time of day. My whole outlook changes depending as to what shift I’m on as sometimes I’m coming home when others are heading out and vice versa.
Pondering
So for me my favourite time is always the coming home. Whatever shift I’m on. After 30+ years of marriage I’m still as excited to get home and see the wife as the day we first met. And that’s something in my book, to still have that same feeling about someone all those years later. It’s just the two of us now so it means more to me than ever.
So I experience that favourite time every day without fail.
Foxes Den 
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