Tag: life

Love, Anger and Hatred

What would you change about modern society?

Now I’m not going to go on saying what should and shouldn’t be done as I’d only come across as another whingeing old fart. You’d kind of expect in this day and age that everyone would have a sense of what’s good and what’s not, just as we had back in the day. We were mirrors if you like, of the way our parents were brought up and we learned what was good and bad from them. They weren’t always right and sometimes you just had to make minor adjustments to your life to filter out these “not so good” bits of advice and actions.

Anger

See, as you grow you develop your own ideas and definitions of what’s right and wrong. But not everyone is the same, as I’m sure you are all aware.

Everyday the news brings us absolutely awful stories of horror, regarding the way individuals as well as groups treat others, it really is so sad and soul destroying, the depths of depravity fellow humans can sink to. How do they learn this behaviour? Why do they behave in such a way? How do we rid society of this behaviour?

These are questions that have more than likely been asked throughout every generation. It’s always been that way. Horrifying incidents have occurred throughout history and today’s atrocities are no different.

Throughout history it’s been politics and religion, that have been the cause of the majority of issues on this planet, and that is still the case today, but there seems to be no room for bargaining as one side is always right and the other always wrong. That’s how it appears to the outsider looking in.

Now I rarely talk of either, and I’m not going to go into it here, I know that having a discussion regarding either is just like throwing a naked flame into a box of fire crackers and I’m not doing that. I’m just stating the obvious.

I have my views on both and they are private views. I don’t even discuss them with family. I have my faith and that is all that matters.

Modern society seems to have a large vein running through it that often appears to rupture. That vein is anger. You can walk into any town centre and you can just see it, you can feel it, and on some occasions you are subjected to it. Everyone seems so angry.

Mix that together with the two subjects mentioned above and you have a recipe for disaster where large proportions of the population now become targets of extreme hate. Yes the worst word in the world, and one I refuse to use at all has now crept in. Hate. Hate is an awful word, it’s so inflammatory and filled with anger. Please try not to use it, hate is so terminal with no wriggle room. Whereas you can always work with a dislike of something.

My father did awful things to us as a family, that I have touched on in previous posts. I don’t hate him. I dislike and disagree of what he did, but to hate him in my eyes, is just like allowing him to win, and I’m never letting him do that. Even in death he still controls us through what he did to us mentally, but he will never win, I will not allow that.

So if there was one thing I could change in modern society it would probably be getting a hold on Anger somehow. There’s a lot of it about and it is a cancer living amongst us that needs to be eradicated as soon as possible. How? I don’t know, that’s way above my pay grade, but we can all make a start by removing hatred from our own lives. We just don’t need it.

Have a superb day. Stay safe.

Brothers Memorial Day

My dear brother John succumbed to the “Bastard” that is Cancer ten years ago.

He was a lovely guy, fun to be with and the family compared him to a character who used to be on UK television called “Arthur Daley”. Anyone who knew that character would know why we made the comparison with John, as he’d be involved in everything all totally Kosher of course….cough,cough.

A decision was made at his wake that we’d have a family day, once a year at one of his favourite spots, Cassiobury park in Watford. And yesterday was the tenth anniversary meeting, it was a lovely day, however the weather didn’t really behave itself. Despite Watford have plus 30 degree days for getting on for a week now, yesterday the rain decided to hit in near biblical quantities. But did it dampen the day? No, we all had a great time and it was great to see everyone.

Cassiobury park in Watford

I lived for 54 years in Watford and never really liked the place, I really dislike going there but sometimes you just do what you have to do. It’s no big sacrifice is it? But there is no doubt about it that the park at Cassiobury is one of the finest, most beautiful public spaces I have ever visited in this country, it really is a stunning well kept and huge piece of parkland that you really should visit if you are ever in the area.

The normal agenda is for us all to meet at a local hotel and then wander off to the park with a picnic, seats and numerous bats, balls, frisbees and whatever, to have a good afternoon of laughter and sporting activity, that normally results in aches, pains and strains for the older participants that I can truly relate to as I write this post this morning.

There were 21 of us on this on this occasion, from all around the country, Southampton, Leeds, Wales and everywhere else in between. It really was a superb turnout and just shows how much John was loved.

A good turnout, the weather held out for a while

I often like to have a wander, and as I previously stated it’s a massive park and deserves to be explored so here are a few pics to show it off

A lovely clean park

About 5pm the weather was drawing in and we decided to move out of the park, however we weren’t quick enough, the rain hit – heavy, and we were caught out. Thankfully we had some umbrellas ☔️ and we made our way back towards the hotel. Myself and my wife were bringing up the rear and we stopped under a tree, in the park and just watched the rain. It was beautiful, a calm and lovely moment in a world of total chaos, the only two people in our own little world, it was just one of those photographic moments that your mind creates for future reference.

The rain hit, and created a beautiful memory

Back to the hotel to dry off, and then we were out to a local eatery for a meal, 21 people into a restaurant is a feat of organisation itself, and thanks go to the ladies in the group for doing that without a hitch.

We left Watford about 10pm for a drive back to the East Midlands, we said our goodbyes, made arrangement for a couple of other gatherings that are on the horizon, and had probably our best run home up the motorway that we’d had in many a year.

A superb day was had by all, it reminds me of a picture that was displayed at Johns funeral that made everyone laugh.

Says it all

Sums him up perfectly and had everyone who knew him smiling and grinning whilst nodding in agreement. It was him. And this is how we remember him.

We have a date for next years gathering, and I can’t wait.

Memories, there is nothing like creating wonderful memories. People may physically be gone from our lives, but they are never, ever, forgotten.

Thanks for reading. Have a super day.

What a beautiful noise..

Just as Neil Diamond serenaded us in 1976 in the middle of a summer heatwave, it was the first song that came to my head when I awoke around 06:30 this morning.

A nice amount of water above us

It was raining. The UK, or at least our little bit of it up here in the East Midlands has been under heatwave conditions for a few weeks now. We haven’t seen a good rainfall for a couple of months now, only the occasional spot of rain, but not sufficient to fill a hollow tooth….of a mouse.

It has been proper raining today, and it reminds me that in one of the upper gutter systems i have a joint that needs attention as it leaks a constant metronomic amount of water on to the downstairs conservatory roof, giving a constant, tap, tap, tap that is somewhat comforting to listen to. My water collection butts around the house are all nicely filling as a result with good fresh water that the plants and baskets love and crave.

It’s a beautiful sound.

I know there are parts of the world that probably only hear or feel this kind of weather on very rare occasions, and for those people, when it does finally arrive it must be super special and spectacular.

But they manage.

Where as here in the Uk or any other part of the so called developed western world, a week without rain and the whole nation starts to panic, water companies that are ripping us off with their inflated prices are telling us to cut down, and then the nanny state kicks in with its list of things you must and mustn’t do. It’s crazy, we’re in a crazy world.

But my part of that world just lays here quite content, I have my metronomic drip to comfort me, I have a cup of tea beside me, and my whole world lays beside me in a comfortable and cool slumber, totally unaware of the weather situation developing around us. She will be happy when she awakes. The plants are happy, the birds are content and for a brief moment the world is good.

Then the weather report comes up saying we are in for another heatwave next week. Oh well, that didn’t last long did it. A brief reprieve from the intense heat was nice, but I can’t complain at seeing the sun, as to be honest that will soon be gone and we will go through a long autumn and winter all praying for its swift return. We can’t have it all, can we?

But it is an absolutely beautiful noise isn’t it?

Have a super day, enjoy the rain, sun or whatever you have in your region. Just stay safe.

When is a dad not a dad?

This could also be titled, “When is a mum not a mum?”

I married my dear wife over 30+ years ago now, and to say she has been the stabiliser of my life would be an understatement, the rudder to my boat, you get the point I’m a lucky guy.

However we knew very early on in our marriage that we would not be having children, and that was difficult at the start. Not as much to me as, to be honest, children weren’t really in my plans at that early stage, but to my wife, she viewed it as if it was her duty to produce a child, she was a woman after all and she dearly wanted a child. And I’d do anything to make her life complete. However this was never going to be a dream come true in our life time as unfortunately and for reasons I won’t discuss here, we were dealt the bum deal as they say. It wasn’t to be. We were to remain childless.

Those first ten years of our marriage were an immense test of our feelings for each other, I’d come home at times and often find her crying for the child she could never have, and yes my heart broke every time, it was a very sad period in our lives. We explored every possibility, in the early days when Kim Cotton was the first in the UK to venture into surrogacy, we followed that closely and were considering the possibility of going down that same route, it was early days and there were lots of pitfalls and heartbreak stood in each corner of the decision making progress. It was fraught with problems and legal issues. We stepped away from this opportunity, reluctantly.

Back in the early 90s the adoption process was not as open as it is nowadays, we just wouldn’t have been considered, it was so selective and as we were quite young and in local government housing at the time, we wouldn’t have even got through the initial application stages, oh how times have changed.

There’s a strange feeling taking your wife to baby shops such as “Mothercare” to chose prams and a decor for the child you would never have, we knew we would never be buying but it was “fun” in a weird sense as we learned a lot about how life would have been if we were dealt a fairer set of cards.

Then the younger members of the family started having children of their own, I thought things would be worse for us as I was worried about my wife’s reaction to all these upcoming births. I needn’t had worried, as this turned out to be the point in our married life where it all changed for the better.

We pretty much became permanent baby sitters, it’s fair to say we probably witnessed more periods of excitement and firsts in their little life’s than their own parents did, it was fantastic, and we could hand the nippers back at the end of the day, even though we did have the occasional overnight stay.

That was definitely the turning point, and my wife changed when this occurred, she was accepting of the fate she had been dealt, but she now had what she wished for, children to look after.

We had brilliant days out with them kids, we did all the stuff you just do and we could now visit those shops to buy gifts for these little visitors that we had been gifted the chance to look after.

We even witnessed teenage angst

To this day those kids, or should I say young adults spend so much time with us, they’ve even joined us on a recent holiday and the relationship we have with them is fantastic. They have grown up to be beautiful souls and it’s nice to think we played a part in their stories. We still ask each other what we think our kids would have been like, and often comment that if they are just like the nieces and nephews we helped bring up, then we couldn’t do much better than that.

The prompt for this post was encouraged by the fact that even though we are the only childless couple in our family, every Mother’s Day and Father’s Day we are showered with cards and gifts, and whilst I question it every year it’s their way of showing their appreciation, and just saying thank you.

I’ve sent them all a WhatsApp message telling them what I have purchased with their gift cards, as I like them to know where it’s been spent. This year I’ve purchased some new tools and a special extraction fan for my soldering, just so I can stay around and appreciate them a little longer. They and their parents changed our life’s for the better.

I should really be thanking them. But they know I’m always here for them. I’m not a dad, but they make me feel so much like a dad. ❤️

Thanks for passing by. Stay blessed and try to be happy.

Hey, it’s June

Meaning just where the hell have the last six months gone. Sit back and blink and that’s half the year already gone. It’s amazing that once the better weather kicks in just how quick it just all seems to cascade by, if only you could put the brakes on time and just enjoy it a little bit longer.

The garden has bulked up after the perfect mix of rain and sunlight, and is about to abruptly burst into colour, some of them are impatiently exploding already and it’s starting to look lovely. But it will all be over too soon and that barren, bleak lack of colour will soon be on us. Oh for year round colour, if only.

Butterfly in my garden

The house is warming up, and as we are in quite an old house it’s the one time of the year when the environment isn’t controlled by the heating system, allowing a welcome break from the claws of the energy production companies. We now have the windows open.

That’s another issue. Opening windows. If like us you currently live near the intersection of two major road arteries then you will know what I’m on about. Opening the windows means you let every speeding, inconsiderate motoring manifestation into your home, like it or not. And the dirt and dust produced by vehicles throttling past your door 24hrs a day means no matter how much you dust, there will be more for you in a few minutes to remove. Maybe time goes so fast as the amount of toxicity we must be inhaling is controlling just how long we have left? Who knows?

Digitalis in the garden

Well the windows can’t stay open forever as you’d never get a good nights sleep if you wanted to, because of the boy racers and bike demons who constantly insist on revving their two and four wheeled steeds as they race off into the distant night.

We have a lovely family getaway coming up this month when about 18 of us are heading off to the East coast for a few days. The nice thing is that there is a great mix of ages from about 21 right up to the late 70s and that is wonderful, it’s great to know the youngsters want to spend time with us old farts, to be honest it’s pretty much down to them that this holiday is being arranged, oh and the usual organisational craft work of my dear wife.

On this holiday all the old fellahs, take a boat to float on the boating lake at Gorleston on the east coast. On the day we travel up, it’s always been a quick stopover and a tradition for two of the older members to float their radio controlled boats they have spent a lot of time and patience on. I’ve always jokingly threatened them that one day I’d build a submarine or military boat that would blow theirs out of the water. This year that veiled threat has been achieved and I will hopefully be joining the ranks of the family boating fraternity when I let my torpedo destroyer loose on the good folk of Gorleston. I’ve been building this boat since it was brought as a present for me by a very good family friend on my last birthday. Its construction has already been touched on, through my blog : PT109 wooden torpedo boat kit – construction and I’m hoping the build and testing of the boat will be completed and published within the next few days. It was always my goal to have it ready for this break. Let’s see what happens.

Pt109 boat kit

About now, is probably my favourite part of the year as I have discussed on here before, May & June, that period when spring kicks in and is a precursor to the oncoming summer. But as I’ve said earlier it is all over too soon.

And what a perfect canvas is currently in place for the ongoing sale of this property, yes that is in full swing now and the footprints of strangers should start being witnessed around this property very shortly….but in a way I’m not really bothered if it sells or not. I love this place apart from the negatives I’ve stated above, and as you can see they are few.

No doubt the Christmas stock is already sailing the oceans of the world to be in all our supermarkets very shortly. As if summer is not already short enough.

Whatever the season is wherever you are on this little ball of rock floating around in space, enjoy it, have fun and always spare a friendly outlook to those looking in. It doesn’t last long, so enjoy it whilst you can.

Thanks for popping by.

The garden gathering

In a post I put up a few days ago I did mention that the wife had decided to invite some friends and family around for a gathering we usually have at the end of the football season, (Time goes so fast….) to either celebrate our success or to drown our sorrows. This year it was the latter as we were miserably incapable of putting on a decent show as a competitive team this season.

I stated that I had to put up the gazebo, due to the forecast saying there would be rain. I should have known better, as we are in a Bank holiday weekend it was bound to rain, I wasn’t wrong. Everyone had been invited around to help us celebrate/commiserate and to have a drink and something to eat, we also decided to incorporate a darts competition into the evening for a bit of fun.

Gazebo up and connected to the garden pub, bring on the rain!

The gazebo was suitably decorated with some football banners, food was in good supply in the house and a list of people who wanted to take part in the darts competition was drawn up.

The actual competition was a knockout format, and to add a little bit of extra fun I told everyone they had to have their photos taken in the pairs that they would be playing in, for this I had decided to use two of the “instant” Polaroid type cameras that I had recently repaired. My niece that I passed the first one I fixed on to, was more than happy to assist here.

The nights activity in miniature Polaroids

Pictures taken, lots of laughter and a lot of raised voices and joking about the competition began, 18 people took part and it was chaotic to say the least.

Games underway.

We eventually made it to the final with my nephew and cousin in the final, the younger talent shone through and young “J” won the competition.

Final pairing and the overall winner

I now have 38 fantastic little photos that really show the fun and spontaneity of the evening. We are going to get these into either an old style album or put them up on a board displayed somewhere around the house. Good old physical photos, on show just as they should be, not tucked away unseen on someone’s smartphone never to be seen by anyone else. At least people can look at these and say, “that group of people know how to enjoy themselves.”

I fallen in love again with this style of photo.

An interesting aside came from using these cameras. One other young family member loved these cameras so much she went onto a sale site and brought a broken one before approaching me and asking if i could fix it when it arrives. How could I turn that offer down so I had to agree. My brother in law who was there back in the day of the original Polaroid, wants me to get and fix an original one for him, it’s amazing just how young and old alike were totally impressed by this mode of photography, memories were rekindled, and memories were made….and I’ve got myself some work to do so I’m happy.

Another thing that made the wife and I extremely happy, is when one of the guests, our neighbours to be precise, brought us a gift for our pub which is totally Leicester city football club themed.

Our very generous gift from our neighbours

Last week i wrote of our captain and greatest player playing his last game for us : Jamie Vardy’s having his final party they brought us a shirt they had got signed by him and labelled up with the numbers he had achieved. I guess it helps that our neighbour actually works for the club, either way it was a superb gift that is very much appreciated.

So why are we looking at leaving this area, I don’t know 🤷‍♂️ our neighbours are just superb people. It’s going to be hard to match them anywhere else.

It’s been quiet in the vicinity today as I suspect there are a few sore heads as the last couple didn’t leave until about 3am this morning, we’ve spent most of the day cleaning up and had to get the gazebo and extra bits down and put away as they are coming to take the photos on Tuesday. I’m working late shifts so I’m not going to be around so I’ve got to do as much as I can to help prior to the full estate agent process kicking in.

Anyway, a great night was had by all, we have some super memories and meeting up with family and friends is always an enjoyable experience at gatherings such as this.

Have a superb weekend.

Have a day off

I’ve woken up this morning, after finishing a fairly boring stretch of late shifts at work, to find an email from the National lottery telling me I had won a prize. I sometimes get these emails but I never rush to open them as it normally lets me know I’ve won a free entry for the next draw or a share of the latest £140 million pound euro millions jack pot of around £3:75GBP. Hardly life changing amounts i know.

My first cup of tea of the day beside me I’m now ready to open that email, Wow I’ve won £30:00GBP, that’s an improvement on the usual amount i win. I then proceed to inform the family of my good fortune, informing them to not send any begging letters. And asking them to form an orderly queue.

I’ve won…

That got me to thinking, just what would be the amount you would like to realistically win that would change your life?

For me, as I’m already considering retirement in the near future, it wouldn’t be millions that’s for sure. I’d probably want just enough to see me through, selling my current house, buying a new one and having just enough to get by. We have no Mortgage, we are not looking to increase the rooms in our home as there is only the two of us. I’d love a workshop or workspace though, and I’d love to be able to maybe just work part time doing something I love. Maybe working in the great outdoors somewhere, forest management that would be perfect. £50:000 would be enough for me to leave work this very minute and seek that small alternative employment job, £250:000 I believe would be sufficient for me to put my feet up for good, and there lies the problem. As anyone knows who “reads” my posts, I’m a constantly on the go person who has to be busy. That £250:000 would probably make me consider starting my own business to address that need to be constantly on the go, I’d have to do something that I enjoy, as I wouldn’t want to have a retirement where I’m tied to working shifts through a 24hr roster system as I am at the present.

I need time off. I really do.

I don’t need a mahoosive amount of money. Looking at the figures now, that £50:000 injection of money would probably be all I need to massively change my life, not for the better as I already have a blessed life, but to allow me to enjoy it even more, and spend valuable time with those I love.

And you can’t put a price on that.

Have a beautiful day.

Tradional pub skittles

My wife is a fantastic organiser. The family owes an awful lot to her as she always arranges meals and get togethers keeping us all in touch. Without her doing this I very much believe we’d all lose contact quite rapidly. She keeps the family together. And she is brilliant at what she does.

Today is one of those days, Easter Saturday, she has hired the Skittle alley at our local pub and we are all meeting there for a meal prior to throwing our “Cheeses” at the skittles. No perfectly round balls here, these are good old solid wood, full of splinters and shaped more like tin cans to be honest. And they can go off in any direction, there is no way to control them. Just don’t get in their way!

We play it differently up here in the East Midlands as can be seen here:

In the East Midlands, people play Long Alley in which the projectiles are rough balls or small capsule shaped logs called “cheeses” and a score is only made if the cheeses bounce a single time just in front of the pins.

Wikipedia

It can be quite brutal. But that’s how we roll in the East Midlands 😂

Our local

It’s a beautiful old pub, and we kind of adopted it when we moved up here. A right old traditional pub. I think there is about 22 of us up there tonight from all different areas, so it should be a nice evening.

Tomorrow is a different story when we will all be off to watch our home football team get slaughtered at home to our visitors- Liverpool.

But let’s not get too depressed about that, here’s how today has gone instead.

Paul wins the skittles
Winner and his prize.

4 rounds of 3 cheeses each and we had sorted out the final four of the contest, cousin Paul wins outright and wins the first prize a Cadbury crème egg. Highest score of the evening went to niece Julie who managed to down eight skittles in one round.

Overall winner Paul, and high scorer Julie.

The remainder of the evening was just people talking and catching up. It was a lovely day and My wife has already sorted out the Christmas party dinner. She’s so damned organised.

The day started at our house earlier when everyone went down our garden pub to play darts, have a drink and kick the day off in a really fun and friendly fashion. It’s ended around 12 hours later when the tiredness sets in and people start to make their excuses and gradually filter off into the night.

In the bar, after.

Tomorrow we go again when we meet at my nieces home for her house warming party. It’ll be a little more subdued as some are back to work on Monday, however I’m really looking forward to meeting up with them all again.

Good times. Good company. Nothing beats it.

Watch out, I’m the pilot

If you weren’t afraid of failure, what would you do differently?

Love this question, such a simple answer for me. If I wasn’t afraid of failure I’d train to be an airline pilot. I know I’d fail miserably in real life at it, and it probably wouldn’t be such a good thing for you as paying passengers, but wow, it would be one hell of a flight for me. I’m a bit scared of flying you see…

It would probably be your last flight, but I guess that’s why we always have a fear of failure, as in truth you only want a super confident individual in such a position of trust.

As an aside, we should never be afraid of failure, it’s always disappointing to fail, however it’s one of the ways that we learn to avoid future potential failures. It’s hard when you fail a task, but you are never a failure, you won the biggest lottery of your life when you were born. The odds of you getting to this point in life and reading this post are apparently an eye watering 1 in 400 Trillion.

Refer to this post I won the lottery…that day to see what I am going on about.

You’re most definitely never a failure. You’re always an achiever, a pupil of the university of life.

Happy days all…

Allergies and sacrifice

Allergic reactions have been an affliction that have been part of my entire life, and still are. Fortunately my allergies are not as threatening as many that are present in society, saying that one actually is, but I’ve managed it well so far.

Hay-fever: has been a pain in the ass since childhood, the nice weather comes and my eyes stream and the snot flows (Not a pleasant sight and i apologise for being blunt in my description) I always think i have it under control and then it hits, usually after i have omitted to take the days dosage of medicine, so thats entirely my fault.

Asthma: this is the dangerous one and has to be monitored and treated seriously. Again I’ve had this right from Childhood, fortunately I’ve never had to be hospitalised for it, i have a good regime to treat it and medications are taken without fail and are always on my person should i ever have an emergency.

That’s my allergies and now i will get onto the reason i titled this post so. If someone told you to sacrifice something most dear to you to relieve or eliminate an allergy completely, would you?

Well it appears that after my most recent Asthma review i do have an allergy to pet fur. This both surprises me, and in hind sight, doesn’t really surprise me if you get my drift. We’ve had pet dogs for the last 35 years and only last year our last dog Alfie passed away. We have been pet free apart from the feral feline that resides in our garden now for about 8 months. My review shows that my breathing and management of the condition has improved immensely in this short period and compared to previous reviews this is the best i have been for almost 15 years.

Our dogs were the Bichon frise breed. Anyone who knows the breed will know that they are about as hypo allergenic as you can get in a dog as they just don’t moult. There are never any issues when they jump on the furniture as they don’t leave a trail of dog hair as many other breeds do, its one of the reasons we obtained this breed all those years ago when we did our research on them.

But the latest results from my doctor do make some sense. Alf suffered from a nasty condition called Sebacious Adenitis, basically an immune condition where his own body was trying to kill his skin. He was on drugs that are given to humans to prevent organ rejection and he had to be bathed regularly every two days, and i did this without question or complaint for the last 2 years of his life. I did notice that when i dried and brushed him, for a few hours after i would become very itchy on my hands and very reliant on my Asthma inhalers. The signs were there but I didn’t really make the connection.

My question is then, would you sacrifice something that you love so much and that gives you so much pleasure to relieve the discomfort of an allergy?

There are probably two answers here, and i fully understand both. If the allergy is life threatening then its a no brainer, the animals would have to go, it’s a sad choice but you have to preserve your quality of life.

For the person like me where it’s more of an inconvenience rather than a life threatening situation, i’d happily relive that time all over again.

We’ve decided that we will be having no more pets. This decision was already made by us simply because we believe the three beautiful dogs that have accompanied us through our lives, were in our eyes the best three dogs ever. They cannot be replaced and i would never want to get a pet to attempt to fill that role. However now, even meeting other dogs in our family circle my eyes swell and i get all stuffy, so the issue was always there, but it has taken the passing of a much loved pet to realise the scale of the problem in the first place.

No more pets for us then. It’s hard to say my life has improved since his passing, it seems such a wrong thing to say. But i must admit health wise i have improved greatly.

But I would sacrifice this well being at the drop of a hat for a little discomfort and more time in their presence.

Stay safe.