Recently it’s been a great release for me. I have been able to express myself with raw emotion, writing through tear stained eyes and a pain in my heart that seems to grow day by day.
With writing you can capture the moment, whether good, bad or indifferent, it’s truly your personal history being documented.
For me, it’s my journal, it helps me get things in perspective. And due to the trauma of recent days, when people make contact it’s good to be able to send a link : Is there a cure for a broken heart 💔 and then they can read the post and instantly know how you are feeling. It’s hard to talk when emotions are so raw.
Yesterday was a vile day as at 13:20 we said goodbye to our beloved little boy Alfie. He features on this site as there is an album of his pictures here: Alfie
Our beautiful lad
He has been very unwell for the last couple of years but in recent months his condition has progressed to the point that his little body was gradually shutting down, and the wonderful little character he had was starting to wane. He was just 11.5 years old.
Those who do not enter into relationships with animals will never understand what I’m posting here, however I’m sure a good number of you will understand. To be honest I’m not really worried who reads this, I’m writing this as I do most of my posts for personal reasons and to help me express my feelings and journalise my thoughts.
We are heartbroken. We were never able to have children, so we took on this dog as we had our previous two, as a stand in for the child we could never have. And that’s how they were treated. They featured in everything we did as a family, they went everywhere with us and everyone who met them had a story to tell of the little antics they experienced with them.
Alf – our little fellah
A dog leaves his paw print on your heart. In fact a dog will steal your heart, he plays with it all his life and when he leaves you he breaks it into a million pieces. That’s not a bad thing, but it hurts to a level I can’t explain.
When my parents passed I cried and I was emotional, of course I was, but I have unashamedly cried more tears for this little fellah. I think the difference is that we were his whole world, he depended on us. We had to feed him, water him, walk him and look after his well being and for the last few years we’ve medicated, washed, treated him and ensured he had his ever growing list of medications. He was fully dependent on us whereas our parents were not and they had two families to help and care.
Alf was special to us, we didn’t go looking for him, he came to us under strange circumstances that I can’t write here. It was meant to be. He came to us and was with us through some of the most testing and awful times we have experienced in our married life. He was our comfort, he helped us, he stayed with us when others just walked away. He saw it through and though he was only small he was our little lion, he protected us.
Now he has left us, his job is done. For whatever reason he came to us he has filled our hearts with beautiful memories, however he has broken them irreparably with his leaving.
Last night was strange. I could still hear his little movements as my mind was playing tricks. In the early hours I could hear my wife quietly weeping as if she has lost a child, the connection she had with him was unique and now he’s not there.
I give her a cuddle and we just talk about him, we laugh lightly, but it always turns to tears.
We’ve had three wonderful little dogs in our married life, all surrogate children to us but they’ve all had to go. Alfie is our last. There will be no more, as the pain is just too severe and I don’t think our hearts could take any more damage. Their leaving is the most horrendous feeling to go through as the guardians of one of these beautiful animals.
Alfie
I took him for his last walk yesterday, to be honest it wasn’t much of a walk, he sat at the entrance of the park and just watched the world go by. We were approached by a beautiful 11month old puppy called dolly who wanted to play but he just let her sniff around, he had nothing left in the tank. It was then our time to go as we had to see the vets.
He built a relationship with two vets, Kian and Emily and they loved him. Fortunately they were both there yesterday to prepare him for his last journey. They were so good with him, and us, he was peaceful there, they treated him so well and he remained in our arms right up to his final breath. He knew he was loved, and he loved us.
He’s now gone, and we have a massive dog shaped hole in our hearts that the memories we have of him will hopefully fill over time.
If you are ever gifted one of these beautiful animals, remember.
They are only here for part of your life, but to them you are their whole life.
You will experience no other unconditional love and affection. And we have been very fortunate to have been blessed with three of the finest in our marriage.
Rest in eternal peace dear Alf, cross that rainbow bridge and there will be two little dogs on the other side awaiting you. Run free, no pain now, Mum and Dad love and miss you so much.
We will all meet again, and it gives us great comfort to think you will be there wagging your tails when our time comes.
Difficult one this. I class myself as an optimistic pessimist, it’s a bit of an oxymoron I know but I can’t think of how else to label it.
I’m always prepared for the worst and I upset myself easily there, but I’m also looking for positives to ease the pain I guess. We currently have a situation going on where over the last few days I’ve really been no use to anyone, I’m breaking down a lot, mainly in private but I’ve been caught a couple of times and then I feel shame. I don’t know why but I do.
I’m sticking with my label, if I didn’t I think I’d go over the edge as I tend to think too deeply.
I shouldn’t be looking to the future as that can change in a heartbeat and why should I worry about what hasn’t even happened yet?
But I do.
I need to be thinking of the moment and nothing more.
1. having the same characteristics or qualities as; similar to.”he used to have a car like mine”
2. used to draw attention to the nature of an action or event.”I apologize for coming over unannounced like this”
conjunction
1. in the same way that; as.”people who change countries like they change clothes”
2. as though; as if.”I felt like I’d been kicked by a camel”
noun
used with reference to a person or thing of the same kind as another.”the quotations could be arranged to put like with like”
adjective
(of a person or thing) having similar qualities or characteristics to another person or thing.”I responded in like manner”
adverb
1. INFORMAL-used in speech as a meaningless filler or to signify the speaker’s uncertainty about an expression just used.”there was this funny smell—sort of dusty like”
2. INFORMAL-used to convey a person’s reported attitude or feelings in the form of direct speech (whether or not representing an actual quotation).”so she comes into the room and she’s like ‘Where is everybody?’”
Oxford Dictionary
A perfectly good word until the informal use is implemented. It seems as if everyone these days just throws the word into the conversation and for some reason I end up just focusing on the word “Like”
Well not me in particular but we have paid for an elderly relative (73yo) to fulfil a dream and today he will be doing a tandem skydive from 14000ft above Nottingham in the East Midlands. This post will cover the day.
I did my skydive in 2009, I was in my mid 40s then and I did mine at the London Skydiving centre based at Chatteris airfield in Cambridgeshire.
My certificate of completion
I did my jump to raise funds for Watford Hospice, we did quite well from what I can remember however the total escapes me as time has erased that figure from my memory banks.
Anyway, today is not about me it’s about my brother in law Terry, affectionately known to the family as El-Tel and that’s how I will refer to him throughout this blog.
This is El-Tel’s day…and what a day he’s going to have.
We head off to Langar skydive centre in Nottingham, it’s 11:30 am and El Tel is due to jump at 13:00.
Langar airfieldOn a caravanA casual warning sign in the club house
We arrive in plenty of time however the weather isn’t playing ball. It’s cloudy, quite windy and no planes have gone up yet due to this.
All we can do is wait. Many people booked in earlier are leaving as they have other engagements and they have rebooked for another day. However we’ve decided to hang about a bit, we’ve had a snack and plenty of coffee and the afternoon weather looks promising.
Snug Swinging Photo discussion Safety brief
So off he goes for training where he gets his harness put on and goes through safety procedures and landing protocols.
The clouds have cleared, the sun is in the sky and the wind has dropped.
No time to waste it’s in to the plane and off to the drop zone.
The aircraft is a Cessna 208 Skyvan reg: G-FBPS.
Cessna 208 Skyvan
It takes about 15 minutes to reach the altitude that they are jumping from, this little video below is what we can see from the ground.
Our view 14000ft below
El-Tel has also booked a video and picture package. So a camera man will be jumping with him as well.
Just about to go up On boardOut you go Above the cloudsSupermanWow
And a few minutes later it was all over. A once in a lifetime time experience. Would he do it again? Just like me it’s a firm no. We’ve had the experience and we’ve got the memories and that’s what it is all about.
He’s got his wings Langar
He’s had his day and thoroughly enjoyed it, we’ve all enjoyed it and it was a lovely family day out even if throwing the oldest member of the family out of an aeroplane was a bit extreme.
Life. To be lived, to be enjoyed and occasionally it’s exciting 😂👍
FAULTY no power, NOT WORKING for Spare Parts or Repair.
TEST NOTES: Does not power up, no further testing, unable to check any functions. Battery leakage with corrosion in and around battery compartment.
Ebay
The unitYes…there is corrosion
Another low priced item that I fancy getting working. And as is standard with me it has corrosion. This item is from 2003, it is a self contained game arcade system that plugs into the tv. It has five games installed including classics such as Galaxian and PAC Man, so compared to some items I’ve purchased of late, at 21 years old this one is a relative baby.
Well, we now await its arrival where we can give it a good look over and assessment. Hurry along now delivery person…..
It’s arrived.
It’s in pretty much perfect condition, all stickers are in place and it hasn’t been previously opened.
I’ve put in 4 new batteries, and damn it. It powers on. It’s working.
It switches on
I’ve plugged it into the back of a television and it also plays.
Damn, it works
Yes there is a little corrosion on the battery springs but I’ve seen a lot worse. I’ll give these a little clean just so I can say I’ve done something.
It’s quite rare these days to get a bargain off of EBay, and for the seller to be truthful in his description, in fact he’s been exceptionally honest, just writing it off without testing. A big bonus to me.
As the saying goes, if it ain’t broken, don’t try to fix it.
Makes a boring post though, sorry about that. A bargain, yes, and another one kept from the tip and will be used at home in the garden pub, the wife will love this as she’s a big Pac-Man fan.
If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?
I miss the stores such as Maplins (aka Radio Shack). When I used to go into town with the wife at the weekends she would go do her thing and I would go into and spend a lot of time in Maplins. For her it was like a kind of Man Crèche as she knew where she could easily find me ( don’t forget this was in the days when mobile communication was in its infancy)
Here you could buy individual electrical components, it must have been murder doing a stocktake. But I loved it. All the kits, all the ideas, and all the boys toys you could dream of.
I really miss Maplins.
I’d also love to have a store where you could get hold of good quality retro games, and equipment at a reasonable price, not at rip off prices that are currently being seen on auction sites. People really do have inflated ideas of the worth of items only a few decades old, they really are becoming the new antiquities.
So maybe the shop I’d like to own would be a mix of Maplins and a quality second hand store of memories. Somewhere the hobbyist or dreamer could walk into and spend a good while reminiscing, and maybe buying some stuff.
What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?
That’s better Wp, looks like a little thought has gone into this prompt but don’t get too excited as it’s not that good.
People blog for many reasons, some professionally some for fun and some like me for the reason of maintaining some sanity in what is a world full of hatred, poison and what appears to be total and utter disrespect for pretty much everything.
Pleasantries seem to be in extremely low stock these days.
Anyway back to the question. My blog like many others will more than likely just drift into that great pit of unread nonsense in the cess pit that is the internet. People don’t seem to like just every day ramblings and thoughts, they want the nasty stuff, for that we have MSM not the old fashioned blogging platforms.
My blog, took over from a book I had at the side of my bed, yes I used a journal as I was struggling after some pretty horrific situations in my work that would have finished a number of people. I was screaming for help, and that never came. For me this is self healing. This is my way of sorting the mess out.
If just one person looks at my blog and smiles, learns something or picks up a tool and repairs something or stops an item going into landfill I’ll be happy.
But then I’ll never know, as that’s not the point of this blog. Even at my age I’m still learning and this platform in my eyes is my personal journal, if you are reading it then, welcome, I have let you do that.
My thoughts. My journal, My journey. My search for peace.
When you think the pillocks in the imaginarium of WordPress can’t dive any lower, they never fail to impress by reaching levels as yet undiscovered by people such as the late great Jacques Cousteau.
Give your heads a collective wobble chaps. Time to hand the baton to someone else 🤦♂️
Foxes Den 
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